The best word I heard all day was....

Optimistic :)

I had an appointment with our family doctor today. To get a referral to a pediatrician who will do a psych evaluation on Mason to test for Autism.

He seemed surprised to see me from the start. I'm not a Mom who has her kids to the doctor for every sniffle, so I guess when he sees me, he knows it's for real. So, there we were. And of course, Mason. was. an. ANGEL! Normally he hates the doctor's office, but he seems to have turned a bit of a corner on that one, and is tolerating them much better. But I digress.

So I told him about Mason occasionally lining up his toys, and even less frequently flapping his hands. How he hates straying from his routine, and how he has a very hard time with transitions, and shopping, and obeying the rules. How he is having some difficulty with his peers, in regards to engaging them in play, and treating them appropriately(He's very hands on, which is very unacceptable). I explained that he has significant speech delays, and that I have wondered off and on since he was an infant what it was that makes Mason SO different from his siblings and peers.

The Dr asked about Mason's eye contact, which is limited at best, but not blank and lifeless. He asked if he was toilet trained, if he could say Mommy, Daddy and how he would typically ask for something, such as Juice. He is, he can, yes, and he says "MOM! I want JUICE! In a WHITE CUP! PLEASE!" The Dr. asked if there was any family history, and I initially said no, and then changed my opinion because I seriously think my brother has Aspergers (and OMG, I can't believe my computer is telling me Aspergers is spelled wrong!), but that my brother has never been diagnosed.

Then the DR mentioned that he knew I have three kids, and asked what I was doing for work now. I told him daycare, but that less than a year ago I was working with children who have Autism. He kinda smiled at that, and asked if maybe I was a bit biased? I wasn't too sure what he meant, but answered with this...

"I don't know if Mason has Autism. If he does, he is very high functioning, and for that I am grateful. If he doesn't then that's even better. Because no one Ever wants to hear that their child has a neurological disorder." I said "All I know is that from the time he was just a baby, he's been different. He was too quiet for too long. and then when he stopped begin quiet, he was SO different from all the other children I know of the same age, that he really stands out. And if he's not standing out, he's sitting alone, playing as though no one else is in the room" I told him "I don't know if Mason has Autism, but I NEED to know what is making him different. And if it's Autism, so be it, but I also feel the same way if it's ADHD, if it's Oppositional Defiance Disorder, if it's Sensory Integration Disorder, or if it just boils down to Mason being Mason. I just need an answer. I've struggled with this for more than long enough now, and I need an Answer."

And that's when Mason hopped off the table, and stood with his back against the measuring tape thingy on the wall, looked at me and said "Measure Mason!" And that's when my Dr looked at me with the greatest smile, and said, "I think you might be wasting your time, I don't see Autism". He said, That's a very complex idea he's grasping there, and a child with Autism probably wouldn't be able to grasp that" I told him that Academically, Mason is very smart, ahead of his peers in many many areas. It's the simple stuff that we're missing, that is causing us the trouble. Like sitting for circle time, or wearing a hat when it's cold.

The Dr. just smiled, patted me on the back, told me I was doing a great job, and then he looked at Mason and said, "I'm optimistic" :)

So I'm going to be optimistic too. I'm not going to give up on my search for the rooth of all this. But I am optimistic about his diagnosis. Whatever that may be.