And a happy New Year too!

I've never been one to make a new years resolution. I always disappointed myself within the first two weeks of January, and failed to see the point of that after awhile.

I've changed my mind for 2009. I have goals. I have areas of my life that I am not at all happy with, and I am in the right frame of mind to set forth and make the changes I need to make to get me back to a happier place.

These things are:

1. getting back to a healthier weight. I've let myself eat like crap lately, and I can feel it really effecting me. I don't like it. I also don't like how I look in my clothes, and that's important to me. So, a new year, a new weight loss journey. I might start a new blog to keep a food journal on, or I might do it on here...not sure yet :) Either way, I need to be accountable for what goes into my mouth, and subsequently onto my ass and tummy and thighs... and I think I'll let the internet help me with that :) My Ultimate goal would be to get down to 130 pounds. I'll be satisfied with 135-140. I'm currently 157. Blah.

2. I'm going to put some serious work into some of my friendships. And do my best to put some distance between K and I. I talked to Al about this, and I think that he and I need some Couples friends. We know a couple of couples, and I think I'd like to build on those relationships.

3. I need a vacation. One where we maybe even leave the province!! Imagine that :) I don't really know where, but we'll figure it out :) I'd like to explore more of Canada, so I'm thinking a road trip to PEI, or Nova Scotia. We've never taken a family vacation that didn't involve camping. Although...I would love to take my family camping at Neys Provincial Park. It's so beautiful up there. The most beautiful camping ever.

I think that's a good start. Here's to hoping I can focus my life in those directions and make it happen. To make myself happier.

Merry Christmas to Us!!

So, a couple years ago, when we were renting the house we are living in, my landlord called and told us that he was going to sell the house. I panicked a little inside, and then just resigned myself to the fact that I better start looking for somewhere to live. And then I casually mentioned it to my Dad. He gave me proper hell for not telling him sooner. And promised to find a way to help us by this house. :o And he did. Since Al and I couldn't get a mortgage on our own. (Bad timing, my income was too low, credit scores blah blah blah)

Fast forward two years. My Dad starts talking about how he's going to retire this year. And then the hinting about selling us the house, and then the outright asking if we thought we were in a better financial place to buy the house when he retires. So, we asked around, and most people said HAHAHAHAHA. No. Except probably in a slightly nicer way than that :)

Finally we get in touch with a Broker, and he seems to get the ball moving a little faster than we could. But it was still taking Forever!! Until one day when Al was talking to his co-workers wife. She works for a Credit Union, and told Al to give her a call. So we did. And boy, did the ball roll once we got in touch with the right person at Meridian!!

Because!!

WE GOT A MORTGAGE!!! A GOOD ONE!!

I am SO happy :D Al and I signed the papers on the 18th of December. Guess when my Dad retired??? On the 20th :) I was able to get a copy of the mortgage papers and put them inside the card I got my Dad. I seriously thought he was going to cry when he realized what I had given him! :) And then he went around the room telling his friends that he sold a house! That his Kid (He always calls me Kid :)) got a mortgage, so now he could really retire. (Just to clarify, my Dad held the mortgage, but we still paid for everything :) Which was what drove me nuts about the banks. Because I knew we could handle a mortgage/house, since we'd been doing it for 2 years!!)

I think for us, what the very best part, after seeing my Dad's face, is the fact that with the mortgage, we're able to pay of about 90% of our debts. The van will be paid off, the credit cards will be paid, the huge consolidated loan we did for Al's student loans will be paid. So even though the mortgage is going to be a little higher each month, our expenses are going WAY down. It's going to be a nice feeling to be free from those expenses every month!!

I'm SOOO going to buy a stove as fast as I can!! Mine was free, and served me fairly well, but it's kind of a lousy stove, and if I am going to continue to sell my cakes and bakes, I really need a decent stove. So, that's my goal, a stove and a new floor in the living room to start :)

That's what we've been doing :) It feels nice to feel like a grown up :)

A Funny :)

I was doing a craft with the kids a few days ago. Handprint Santa's. They look like THIS and are a Huge hit with the Grandparent crowd :) So, I get everyone painted and dipped and all that fun. And then my Mom called. Before I had a chance to clean up the mess. So, I chatted for a few minutes with her, and hung up. Mason comes to stand beside me, watching me from the corner of his eye, with a finger at the ready, waiting to touch the paint that has been left out. I told him to leave it alone. And then I told him not to touch it. And then I said NO! He tried one last time to touch the paint.

I looked at him and said, "Mason, Mommy said NO!"

He looked at me and said "Mason. Said. YES!"

And then he touched the paint.

And then I let him fingerpaint because dude, that was FUNNY! :) And so smart of him.

And I am SO. Screwed! :)

Needed to push the pause button for a minute there...

I know it's been ages since I last blogged. But I just didn't know what to say, or where to start, so I figured it was time for a mini vacation from blogging. No biggie, just a break.

There's been a lot going on. Most of it centering around Mason, but some on the rest of us too. I'll try to touch on it all, but can't guarantee it :)

I had a meeting with Mason's resource teacher on December 4th. We were about halfway through when she told me that she highly recommended we get Mason tested for Autism. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here. I know I keep going back and forth between yes he does and no he doesn't have it. And I can't make up my mind. I won't beat that horse again. I'm getting him assessed. Al disagrees. He says he doesn't see it. And that's fine. I only see little bits here and there, so I'm still clinging to the hope that it's something else. But, I've come to the realization that if Mason is Autistic, that we won't love him any less, we won't leave him on the street corner, and we will only have to alter our way of thinking, not how we feel about him. And really, a diagnosis will open doors for him and us that maybe wouldn't have opened for a mere speech delay before. So it's not all a bad thing.

I'm seen a story a couple of times, regarding having a child with disabilities. It's perfect, I'll find it and post it later. But basically, it's about how you plan your dream vacation to Italy, but when your plane lands, you're in Holland. You can't go back to Italy, so you eventually have to realize that Holland, though not what you planned, is what you got, and in it's own way, it's beautiful too. That's pretty much where I am right now. I've just realized that my plane may be headed to Holland, and I can't convince the pilot to change course. It's a scary feeling. But one that I am slowly learning to accept.

I feel guilty because I worked for such a long time with children who have Autism. And I didn't really see it...except that I did. I've wondered since Mason was a baby if he was a little different than other babies. Maybe he was a little too quiet. Maybe he was a little too calm. Maybe he was a little too slow at this or that. I think because of all that, I'll actually be kinda relieved to get an answer finally.

On a brighter note, Mason has had two sessions with a new speech therapist. We Love her!! She can read Mason so well. And instead of the therapist and I struggling to get Mason to sit at the table and do anything, she can get him to sit for a GOOD 45 minutes and get a tonne of work out of him. I'm so impressed by her!! I'm a little disappointed that we aren't getting more than 3 sessions (Last one is today) but at least we're seeing some progress for the first time in months, and I am grateful for that.

So, back to that pause button... I guess with everything going on with Mason, and it all hanging over my head, and out in Limbo, I just didn't know how to get the words out. And like I said quite awhile ago, it wasn't my intention for this blog to turn into an "OMG there's something wrong with my baby" blog. But you know what. There is something. Something that makes him different. Something that makes him like routines so much it seems to hurt him to stray from them. Something that makes him not like me touching him any time I want. Something that makes him unable to voice his thoughts in an intelligent way to me. Something that makes it hard for him to make consistent eye contact. Something that makes it hard for him to respond to his name. Something that made him line up toy after toy this weekend. Something that makes him not understand social cues, and social behaviour. Something that is now making other people stand up and say hey...we need to get some professionals in here to take a look at this boy. Something that has possibly put me on a plane to Holland.

So. That's where we are with that.

And for me. I had my birthday recently. It was great. Just a couple friends over. A couple bottles of wine. And non-stop talking for Hours. I loved it :) However, what I didn't love was the fact that my so-called best friend pretty much did all the talking. About herself, and all her troubles, and oh woe is me all night long. There were only 4 of us there. She had never met the other two. We were all talking about difficult things at times, but it felt like she was always trying to one up us when anyone said anything. And that did it for me. She's not a good friend to me. Sure she'll take my kids if I'm in a pinch. And sure she can be a blast at times. But she's also very toxic, and I don't enjoy being around her like I used to be. So I think I'm finally breaking some ties with her. She lives right next door to me, and our boys are best friends, so I know I can't just do a disappearing act, but I can keep my distance, and guard my thoughts. And that's what I intend to do.

I had a great weekend this past weekend. We went as a family to have dinner with one of my daycare Mom's. She's so wonderful. And we had Such a great time, we stayed until 1AM, and Aidan even stayed for a sleepover! And then Saturday night we went to a much posher event, involving a lot of people that I didn't know, and a lot of really good red wine :) The kids got to play together, and decorate gingerbread men, and it was so fun!! I talked with other men and women that I maybe wouldn't have before. We had great conversations. It was just a really great evening. And those two evenings made me realize that friendship can be so much deeper that what I have right now. And that I deserve SO much better. And so does Al. He doesn't deserve to put up with my friends treating he and I like dirt whenever the mood strikes. I want him to be just as happy about me going out with my friends as I am. And I don't have that with K. So. I'm moving on :)

Jenna and Aidan are both doing really well. And I guess that's all I have to say about them :)

Al's a bit stressed about work, because the labour board was in and so now the big boss is making changes and cracking down. Al has nothing to worry about, since his record is squeaky clean. But still. It can't be easy to work there. I'm so proud of him for carrying on though. He's great at his job, doesn't put up with the bullshit, and for the most part, doesn't complain much :)

So that's us. I'm on a plane to Holland, the family with me, and I'm bringing along some new friends. Time to push play again.

2 good news posts in one week!!

It's like the sun is shining from our asses over here!! So what was it, like last week? I posted about how frustrated I was getting with Jenna, and how much she was struggling at school?? PSHAWW!! Ancient History! Yesterdays News! Nonsense!!

Yesterday she brought home her report card. I was Terrified to open that envelope... but!! She isn't doing as horrendous as I thought!! 2 B-'s, 6 B's, 2 C+'s, and a C. From the way her teacher has spoken, I was thinking it was going to be all C's. Her weaknesses are her writing, and her Math. She has a hard time skip counting by 2's...and I think that just means that she does it too slowly. Because she can do it for me. She's excelling at Science, Social Studies, Health and Phys Ed, and The Arts, oh, and Reading!! Which Al and I can see and hear every day as well!! no more pointing to each word, no more "I can do it, the word is too long!" She's getting there. And to prove it, today...

SHE GOT AN AWARD!!!! It's an Award of Merit, which states... "Presented to Jenna McAlendin in recognition of contributions to the life of the school and personal efforts made in putting forth a much improved effort and positive attitude."

The stuff in italics is what her teacher wrote. She's really trying!! She's trying so hard that she got an AWARD for trying!! I am soooo proud of my girl right now!!

And I think I made her day by going to the assembly :) I almost didn't get to go! i didn't know she was getting an award until this morning (Bad backpack checker mommy that I am!) So I hummed and hawed, and waited, and then called a friend to see if she could watch my daycare kids, who was out shoveling and didn't answer her phone (the nerve!). So i almost gave up, and then something lit a fire under my butt, and I knew I HAD to be there!! So I called my daycare Dad that hadn't brought his son yet, who told me it was NO problem coming later today, and then even graciously told me to take an extra 15 minutes! (Which I needed, darn chatty principal!) I crammed my 3 amigos into their coats and boots, and them stuffed them into the car and off we went! I'll never forget the look on Jenna's face when she saw me standing at the back of the Gym :) Awesome :)

Mason kinda stole the show though. It took too long for his patience, and he started to wander. I tried Very hard to keep him entertained and contained, but a couple of the teachers told me not to worry about it, and let him sit with the school kids. yeah. Then he saw his sister and had to sit with her. Then he saw Aidan, and had to sit with him. Then he saw some kids he didn't know and sat halfway across the gym (I'm mortified by this point!). So then it's Finally time for Jenna to get her award, and the principal calls up a few kids at a time to line up. Who runs up to join the line?? Right...Mason!! All the parents and teachers were laughing sooo hard!! And all I could think of was..."Oh sure! Funny now! Wait until he starts kindergarten next year!!! SUCKAHS!!!" :) But man, was he ever cute up there with all those big kids :)

Anyway, back to Jenna! I hope this award, and the better than I expected report card will really help her confidence. A mommy can hope :)

It's about time!!

I have a good post to write!

I don't know what did it, or what happened, or what clicked...but Mason is different. It's strange, but in such a refreshing, take a deep breath and drink it in kind of way, that I don't care!

This weekend Al and I spent a good amount of time starting at each other in awe. Because of something Mason had said, or because of his good behaviour, or just because he did what we asked him to. It was just so amazing!! We went shopping a couple times, and he didn't scream about being in the cart. And when there was no cart at Wal-Mart (You know it's the Christmas season when...), he walked with Al or I, and barely made a fuss about it! This is HUGE people! He hates shopping! He hates being confined to the cart. He hates walking with us! He LOVES running through the aisles scaring people and tempting strangers to kidnap him when he manages to race out of my sight. But there was none of that!!

Mason and I went to a birthday party for one of his friends yesterday. A situation I normally dread. He was SO GOOD! We walked in, and he looked right at the hostess, and said "HI! I'm came to Cory's birthday party!!" And that was such a difference, that Cory's Mom even said "Wow! He looked at me! And Spoke!!" He played with the other boys his age (YAY!) he went upstairs, found some toys, brought them down to where the rest of the kids were playing and said "Hey Everybody! Look what I found!" And it was so clear that I nearly cried right there! He was engaging others! He was sharing! He was COMMUNICATING!! He got upset because he didn't get to help blow out the birthday candles...but by upset, all I mean is that I noticed he was scowling and going "Hmm", "Hmm", in his way that he does when he's pissed off! And then he moved on, ate the icing off his piece of cake, and that was it! When it was time to go, he came! There was a little whining about it, but no more than Jenna or Aidan would have done (Less actually, now that I think about it!)

Today at school, his resource teacher had put up a schedule board for when it was time to go home. I love it. There's pictures for coat on, zipper up, boots on, hat on, mittens on. And at the end he gets a lollipop or treat. (God I love sugar free candy!!) leaving school has been nothing less than torture. Until today. He fought me a bit, but once we got his coat on, and we pulled that first picture off, he sped through the rest of the steps, and got his lollipop. And then he walked calmly up the stairs out to the van. And I can't even believe it!! There was no screaming, or running or hiding under a bench. No racing off to another room, and no interventions from his teacher. Infact, I think we were maybe the third family out of there! That NEVER happens! We're always last. Always. He gets let out at about 11:45. We were in the car and on the road by 11:55 today.

I am so thrilled about this change in him. You have no idea. Well, some of you probably do, since I whine about it! LOL

In other good news!! Aidan is shocking me every day with his reading!! He's way ahead of Jenna at this stage (I think anyway :)) He read half of 'Are you my Mother' to me a few nights ago! And only needed help with a couple words! I had no idea! I mean, I knew he was doing good with reading those little books they make at school (I see a plane, I see a boat etc.) but this was WAY above that! I wonder if his excelling with push Jenna to keep ahead of him? Probably not :) BUT!! We had the kids write their letters to Santa last night. Aidan did a list, which was fine. But Jenna!! She wrote a letter!! Punctuation is slim to none, and there was spelling mistakes, but a letter non-the-less! It's a relief to see that! She also read Mortimer (by Robert Munsch) without pause, and her home reader from school, about birds, without needing to touch each word! So, I'm happy to report some progress there! As for Al and I.... Al's going back to the gym, and that makes me soo happy to see, as it makes him happy to be there. And a happy Al makes a happy Lisa :)

I did 3 cakes this weekend. 2 Lightning McQueen and a Carebear. I discovered that I do not like Wilton's triple star decorating tip. The stars it makes are just too big. And it's awkward it small places. I can see using it on a bigger cake with millions of stars, but for the detailed cakes I did this weekend, it wasn't much good. Oh well. I'm happy to have it anyway :) And that's about it :)

Just want to shake her!

Jenna is frustrating me. She's such a smart girl. But she's not trying. Her teacher has talked to me a few times about her lack of effort at school. Her marks are falling dramatically, and I don't know what to do! I've never worried about Jenna. Maybe that the problem.

Last year she would bring her homework home on Monday, and be so excited about it that it would be done and ready to hand in for Tuesday morning! This year is a completely different story. She brings her homework home on Monday, and Thursday night I'm pulling my hair out because she's been so lazy about it, and we're struggling to get it done. I'm soo not used to nagging her about getting it all done.

I think the worst part is that she's just not TRYING!! She'll pretend to try. When she's reading she'll make the sound of the first letter (if that) and then say "it's too hard, I don't know it." Or "this word is way too long, it's hard, i can't do it" And no matter how many times we tell her that she's so smart, and so talented and so wonderful, she still won't try to prove it to us.

At her Parent/Teacher interview we talked about it with Jenna (her teacher and I), and Jenna said "I'll just stay in at recess to finish my work". Um NO! Not the point dear! So then her teacher said that if Jenna was able to prove that she was trying her best, and started getting her work done in class, that she COULD stay in for recess, to do FUN stuff. Not her work. Jenna was really excited about that. But it hasn't happened yet. She just doesn't seem to care that she's falling behind.

I can't threaten her or bribe her any more than I already have, nothing is working to motivate her.

I do have one thought, and that is that Jenna sits beside the smartest girl in the class. M gets to do lots of extras and fun stuff because she gets her work done so quickly. Jenna is jealous. She's very competitive (like her Mama). I'm wondering if I should ask for Jenna to be moved to sit next to someone more on her level? Maybe she'll gain some confidence back? Do I as a parent have the right to ask that? I guess it can't hurt to ask right??

And NOW! She keeps calling to come home from school, saying that she's sick. It's happened 4 times now this year. And not once has she actually been sick. But it's been too late to take her back to school once I realize it :( But she swears nothing is going on at school to upset her.

I just don't get it. I feel like pulling a move from the V8 commercials, where the people get bonked on the head for not eating their vegetables. But I doubt it will do any good :(

Breathing and Babbling

I had my first meeting with Mason's resource teacher Monday. I heart her I think :)

Remember the hated Carmen? When she was here for the home assessment of Mason she recommended Mason be referred to the resource teacher program run by the county. I agreed, figuring that the more people on my team of helpers the better :) I am so grateful that I agreed!!

I really like Shelly. She knows her stuff, she has great, fresh ideas, and she's flexible. All of which are important to Mason.

Today I got Mason's speech assessment from the pre-school program (The one Carmen did). Ugh Ugh Ugh. He's low or below average on Everything!! Oh wait no, she said "Mason's play skills appear to be developing normally, however his social interaction was limited." I asked awhile back about how others find their 3 year old's play. And I have to say, a lot of them still see parallel play, which is what i see from Mason. I agree that he doesn't engage other kids to play with him, but I also don't see that from the other 3 year olds I have in my care. So who knows.

He's below average on Sentence Structure. (ex. point to the spotted puppy who is in the box), he's below average on Concepts and Following Directions (Ex. point to the giraffe and then to the monkey). And he's on the low average range for Basic concepts (Ex. point to the one that is empty). I'm actually okay with most of this, as when Carmen saw Mason for his first assessment, she told me he had NO understanding of receptive language. (In my head I am saying "Ha Ha! You were wrong!")

There's a lot of "Parent reported that..." And in my head it all seems rather negative. But, I am well aware that Mason's delays are based on his speech delays. And that some of these delays are something that Al and I need to work on. Instead of doing it for him, showing him how. Instead of giving in, sticking with it. I have a hard time, because I know the routine, and I know what to do to make it go smoothly. So I have to work on getting Mason to be more independant, and understanding of what is being asked of him. Homework for Mommy I guess.

Expressively "Mason presented with impaired expressive language skills for his age". Not at all surprised, that's why we took him there in the first place :)

She reported that he 'uses jargon-like speech which was not understandable', that he "stops sounds which require continued air movement (Pish for fish, tik for six, wook for Look). She does note though, that these sound errors are considered age appropriate, and should continue to develop with maturity. So that was comforting to hear.

He's going to be monitored in a few months at pre-school to assess his social language and play skills again. They recommend that we follow up again with the ENT to check his ears and hearing again (and considering the 2 ear infections he's had in the past two week, I'm guessing tubes for sure this time.) Carmen also commented on his lack of eye contact and inconsistent response to questions and requests. Fine.

Back to Shelly (the resource teacher), and why I heart her. I told Shelly of my fears that Mason may fall somewhere on the Autism Spectrum. She looked at me SHOCKED. :D She said that she has worked with MANY autistic children, and that while she can kind of understand my concerns, that she DOES NOT think Mason has Autism. She thinks that it it purely behavioural, stemming from the fact that he gets so frustrated not being able to speak. And he has a Very strong personality. He KNOWS what he wants. He knows he wants it NOW, and he knows which of my buttons to push to get it done. Shelly says that for my peace of mind, I'm more than welcome to get Mason assessed for Autism. But I am not really unsure.

I spoke with Mason's teacher, who is also a friend of mine, and told her what Shelly had said regarding Mason and Autism, and she breathed a sigh of relief, saying that she was SO happy Shelly had said that she didn't think so, because his teachers don't see it either.

And you know, the more I think about it, the more I think, hmm...maybe they are right. His behaviour (ie, sticking to a routine, temper tantrums etc.) still lead me to wonder what it is that makes him so different than other 3 year olds. And yet, his LACK of symptoms also comfort me (he doesn't flap his hands, he DOES have the ability to learn, he will look me in the eye). So, I guess we'll just wait and see! Because it's really starting to dawn on me, that hey! This kid has some very significant speech delays, and I can't imagine how that must effect his WHOLE life.

So, that's that. He starts speech therapy at the hospital in December, and we'll go from there. (Oh, and the Great part is, Carmen will NOT be his speech therapist :))

One Sick Party!! OR tooting my own horn OR how to fake it really really well!

Now that the dust has settled, and the ringing in my ears has stopped, I think I can update about Aidan's Pirate Party!!

First, they came!! And as they each arrived they put their jewels on their treasure chests (Where jewels = sparkly stick on earrings). And then we got out the ink and gave them all tattoos. (Where ink = temporary tattoos)


Then there was games! There was Pirate Pirate WALK THE PLANK! Think Duck Duck Goose. It was hilarious to watch, but a complete disaster, since the kids had no clue which way to run, or they cut through the middle of the circle, or just stood there confused :) My George brought a blue tarp (Think Ocean) and a wooden board (think Plank) and whoever made it back to their spot first had to WALK THE PLANK! I came up with this one all on my own (TOoT!) OH! Almost forgot, I got each of the scurvy brats a pirate hat thingy or bandanna.



After that we played Cannonball ATTACK! I flipped my sectional couch so that the two pieces were back facing back, and split the kids into two teams (Which really means the girls wanted to be against the boys). I blew up a gazillion black balloons into small "cannons" and the kids launched them at each other. Good times. (Sorry about the dark picture, I should have closed the curtains!)



Then.. Umm.. My George challenged the kids to a silence contest. If you make a noise you're out! The girls were Amazing! Wouldn't say boo for nothing!! As each kid went out for making a noise, I had them decorate a sail (White paper slid onto half a skewer. Once they were done, I stuck each 'sail' into their hot dogs (lunch) and my Mom threw some Goldfish crackers onto the plates. It looked so neat! (Forgot a picture though :( I saved a couple sails though, and I'll take a picture next time I make hot dogs :) ) The Hot Dogs really looked like boats! (props going out to the wise old internet for that one!)

After lunch they ran around like monsters and were really really really really really (okay, you get it) LOUD! I think we might have played another game in there, but for the life of me I can't remember, and there's no pictures. (Julie D, I think I need to hire you to take all my party pictures!!)

And then the most fun!! What Pirate gathering would be complete without a Treasure Hunt!? I had run out of time to write clues and plan out the hunt, so had all but given up on the idea. But then, about 20 minutes before the kids all got here, I magically found the coolest treasure hunt Ever! Complete with clues! The premise is the Pirates have stolen the CAKE! the clues led the kids everywhere, from the fridge, to the closet, to the bathroom, to the front door, to Aidan's room, to the kitchen, to the top of the stairs, and finally to the table, where my partner in crime (Think, my Mom), had snuck the cake while the kids were searching for their clues! It was AWESOME! So, then there was cake.



So, judging from the ridiculously flattering comments I got on Facebook, people are impressed. But seriously, I could do an entire blog on how much I dislike this cake :( I think it's the icing. I tried to use a chocolate buttercream icing, instead of using my usual tried and true recipe, and tinting it brown as I had first planned. It tasted great. And I will certainly use it again, but probably just for brownies. It was a Stubborn icing! How absurd is that!? But it's true. I found it greasy at times, and too thick at others. And I could have sold my soul to the devil and Still not gotten a smooth finish with it. I have Never wanted to throw a cake out the window more than I wanted to that one. But, all that said, Aidan was Thrilled with it. And more than one of the kids at the party didn't believe that it was actually a cake! :) That's saying something...although, they were 5, so it's a tough audience to judge :) Oh, and I goofed. I was so anxious to get the 'lid' off the cake, that I completely forgot to sing Happy Birthday to Aidan and let him blow out the candle before I took the lid off! Oops! Sorry Aidan!



After cake we did more running around like mad pirates. Screeching and hollering at the top of our (meaning their) voices. I wrangled them all together again, and got the gifts opened and thank yous said just as parents arrived. It was so great. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to play pin the X on the treasure chest, but no one seemed to miss it, and I'm glad I ended up with a back up instead of scrambling for something to do.

As each pirate headed out the door, they were given their decorated treasure chests (pictures to come of them as well) which my mom had sneakily filled with loot (Ring Pops, Candy necklaces, chocolate coins, gold bars (also chocolate), jewels for the girls, and tattoos.) I also got great deals on pirate paint kits and pirate eyepatch and earring kits, so I made sure each pirate got to take at least one of those home as well.

One of the pirates' mom's bowed to me at the school today. I'm guessing she got to hear all about how it was TOTALLY the party of the year, and that I am the coolest mom on the universe for throwing that wicked party for Aidan. :)

Oh..And did I mention that I planned this all, made the cake, pulled off the party of the year..with a RAGING case of unmedicated, undiagnosed, Tonsillitis?!? Oh yes. Fever, sore throat to the point of spitting my saliva instead of swallowing it (sorry, tmi, I know), body aches to rival a mountain climber (I"m guessing at that). I managed to drive myself to the clinic, the store to get my meds and home again before collapsing. I slept like I never have before.

And I did it with a bare minimum of help, since Al (sadly) had to do mandatory overtime on party day. Which we found out about the day before.

I don't say it often, but I am so proud of ME. :)

Hi, I'm Betty...

Hello internet. It has been 6 days since my last blog. My appologies. I have no excuses. Well, except maybe this one...



I'm my own worst critic, so I can't say that this is my favourite cake. I do like it, I think it's cute, and I am almost happy with how Nemo turned out. But it was a new technique for me, and I wish I had practiced it a few more times before coming down to the wire, and needing to use the only one I had. Oh well. My customer was thrilled with it, said everything tasted perfect, and has already ordered another cake for March, and her daughter's cake for next November as well...so I guess I'm probably just being too critical. :)

And on this weeks Menu.. a certain little boy of mine turned 5 today *SOB* *WEEP* *Sniff*. So, last year he decided he desperately wanted a Pirate party, which I am SO excited about!! So I'm in the process of making him a treasure chest cake. Why oh why do I do this to myself!? I'm terrified that the lid is going to collapse and break :( But, I'm using chocolate cake for it, which tends to be a denser cake. So hopefully it will be able to hold itself together long enough to take a picture and serve it :)

I can't believe Aidan is 5!! Where on earth did those years go!? But I must say, in the same breath, I am also very relieved that he's 5 now. Because 4?? Was a bit brutal at times!! I said with Jenna that 4 was the hardest age, and I think the same held true for Aidan. Both of them were wonderful at 2. I would have called the two's Terrific Two's for Jenna and Aidan. But the 4's will always be the Effen Fours for me :) But 5, :(, 5 makes me sad. He's not a little boy anymore. He's big, and smart, and has a personality, and opinions. I miss my little Aidan. But I do look forward to getting to know my big Aidan :)

And now.. Pictures!!

KaPOW

Well, the argument with my friend over the stupid little thing came to a head last night. I went ahead and did the thing she said she would help with. Because I had time, and didn't want to be asked to do it late at night, or at the last minute. Well, she got mad. Figures. Now, in her defense, all it would have taken was a phone call or email from me to remind her...but I was at the point in the friendship where I was tired of doing all the reminding. So I went Pfffft on the situation and that was that. Dumb, immature. Needed. There was yelling and door slamming and miscommunications. But, at least it's out there, and we've gotten it out of our systems.

I am so touched by all the wonderful comments I've gotten about the Monster Cupcakes!!






Onto cookies for Mason's class for tomorrow.. They won't be as exciting though :)

annoyed

a certain friend of mine asked me to do something WITH her. It's something that I have a knack for, and since I had extra's of this stuff, I volunteered my time, supplies and ingredients. She suggested today. I got everything ready. She knows we're leaving at 2 for Julie's party. She was reminded this morning by Al. She's not home now. I'm leaving in 20 minutes. I don't know why I ever bother. So effen' annoyed.

Also, I can't find the tights I got Jenna for her Witch costume. I saw them 2 days ago, moved them to a 'safe place' and now can't find them. UGH!

To top it all off I have a cold.

Kill me now...before I kill a certain friend of mine maybe??

The girlie bits

Are probably okay. Maybe. I took my list of symptoms to my doctor today. He put little stars beside a few of the things on my list. Then pushed on my tummy a bit (well, not my tummy really, but you know what I mean :)). We sat back at the desk, and he said he thought that my hormones could be a bit unbalanced. I said hmm... that's not what my internet self-diagnosis told me :) He laughed, and I admitted that I probably shouldn't be allowed to use the internet for medical reasons :) Anyway, he asked what the internet diagnosed me with, and I told him that I had a lot of the symptoms associated with uterine fibroids. He thought about it a bit, and looked at my list again, and then said I could be right. He doesn't think that's it, but agreed to order an ultrasound to rule fibroids out. Which makes me feel better. He also ordered some blood tests to check my hormone levels, and has put me back on the pill for two months, and then I'll go back and report on if there's been any changes.

I'm relieved to be getting somewhere with this, and happy that I didn't accept his diagnosis as the be all and end all of the treatment. Also, Al was able to decipher what my Dr. had written on the ultrasound req. It said dysmenhorrhea. Which after some quick research means painful cramps. BUT!! There's some sort of "secondary" dysmenhorrhea...which can be caused by fibroids! So, I may still be onto something. But if not, well, that's probably a good thing :)

Straaange things are happenin'..

(Toy Story fans will get that :))

There's some big things going on over in my neck of the woods. And both scare me, for profoundly different reasons.

First, we're about 1 step away from buying this house from my Dad (Well, actually the mortgage..it's a long..complicated, story). And in the process, paying off our new van and a loan we took out to pay for Al's student loans. I've been an unofficial homeowner for 2 years.. but this is for real for real. It's scary to go from the small amount of debt we had, to this huge amount, but at least it's good debt! And, we'll be in a position where if we don't want to rent the apartment, we won't have to. Although, I have a lot of renovations in mind for the house, and the apartment would pay for those no problem...so I imagine we'll keep it rented for a year or so.

The other thing is still a bit of a mystery. I've got some stuff going on, with my inner girly bits. I've done a tonne of internet self-diagnosing, and I think I know what's going on, but without seeing my doctor, won't know for sure. The solution could be as simple and being on birth control pills for the rest of my life(not too scary), or it could mean a hysterectomy (way scary), and there's a bunch of other options in between those two. Either way, I'm ready to start feeling normal again. I wrote out the list of my symptoms to take to my doctor (I go Monday afternoon), and as I was writing, it scared me how long the list was getting, but hopefully it just helps my doctor to pinpoint what's going on in there. That's all I know right now. Just that, something isn't right, and if it's the something I think it is...there are ways to fix it. I'm adopting Al's, "Don't worry until there's something to worry about attitude" on this one :) I promise to update when I can.

Okay, because I'm lazy, and haven't blogged in a gazillion years...this is what you're gonna get...bullets.

*Brian and his wife have spoken, have come up with a temporary visitation agreement for Brian to see Damion.

*They are definitely getting a divorce. She's not at all willing to go to counseling, or try to mend their marriage.

*My Thanksgiving was ok. My Mom was all pissy, and I heard more than once that it was probably because it was hard for her to have my kids around, since Damion wasn't there. That hurt. I don't know if it should have, but it did. I could do a whole blog on how my kids used to be her favourites, and that makes me a bit resentful about how she treats them now as compared to before Damion was born, but that will make me sound like an AWFUL person, so I won't.

*I had a great time with my Grandparents over Thanksgiving. Which is super. We weren't close when I was growing up (my Mom's doing, even though she'd deny it :)) So to be able to have such a good, healthy relationship with them now feels really good.

*I am seeing some great signs of maturity in my brother. And i like it, and I am so proud of him, and I want to figure out how to tell him that without it going to his head. hmm...

*I made this with Micheal today. It was totally cute :)


*And that's that.

On a happier note..

Look what I made!!



I saw something very similar in a parenting magazine when I took the boys to the Ontario Early Years Centre on Monday. And as soon as I saw it, I knew my Halloween wouldn't be complete until I made one :) But was worried that I wouldn't be able to find the boa! Well! Lo and behold, I was in the grocery store (of all places!) and there they were, for $2.00 a piece! So I decided to get the orange and black (my inspiration was only orange..and I am tempted to make one in all black). I had the eyes already for crafts with the kids (note to self, get more googly eyes!). I cut a circle out of the bottom of a case of pop, and got out my handy dandy glue gun, and away I went! In total, including cutting the ring out, I think I spent about 10-15 minutes on it! And I LOVE it!! Okay...enough bragging :) Sorry 'bout that...kinda ;)

Still nothing much to report.

My brother applied for Legal Aide today. He is aiming to file some sort of emergency visitation request on Wednesday.

He still hasn't been contacted by his wife. He still has no solid lead on where they are. He is still going out of his mind, as are the rest of us.

As far as having him here on Saturday, it went really well I think. Al and I managed to talk to him, and, we hope, get his mind set in the right direction.

But the longer she stays gone, and the longer she doesn't contact him...the longer he has to sit and stew on his future, and that can't be any kind of fun :(

What a pain in the ass this is.

Goodish news

The police found my sister-in-law and nephew last night. Although, for some asinine reason all that they will tell my brother is that both have been found, and are in a safe place. I don't know any more than that right now.

We're shipping all our kids out tonight for sleepovers, and having my brother here for some kind of intervention. I need to know where his head is right now, and what he plans to do about all this crazy drama. Here's to hoping some good will come of it.

I can't thank you all enough for all your messages, thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to my family and I..

Still nothing.

My brother has Finally called the police to report both his wife and son missing. She's had no contact with my brother, and as far as he knows, did not show up to work this evening.

I've spoken twice with my brother now, and what worries me the most is that he seems more concerned about getting his wife to come back than the fact that their three year old son hasn't been seen for 30 hours. Hasn't been heard from. Now, he did break down momentarily at one point in our earlier conversation...but I don't know...my kids disappeared for 20 minutes a couple weeks ago, and I was on the phone to 911 in an instant. I was distraught. Inconsolable. So why is he so calm? Why did it take me 30 damn hours to call the police to report that his wife had taken their son? It just doesn't make sense. I guess it just shows his immaturity too.

I think I'm going to try to get to my Mom's tomorrow. I won't be able to update much, but I'll do my best.

Please keep Damion in your prayers. He needs everything anyone's got right now.

If you could...

Say some prayers, send some thoughts out to the universe, or just keep some good thoughts in mind for my brother... his wife has taken their son, emptied their dressers, taken Brian's car keys (but not his car), taken Damion's car seat and left. No one knows where she is, or who she's with. And no one knows how long she'll be able to keep up the act of being the good mother that she's never proven she can be. I'm so afraid that she's just going to use Damion as some kind of bargaining tool.

I don't know what brought this on. But I do know that it will break everyone's hearts if we never get to see that little boy again. My brother called the police last night, and they told him they couldn't do anything. So I guess we're on our own in this fight. (Which doesn't make any sense to me!! She took their son without permission, is that not kidnapping?!)

My brother plans to go to the court this morning to file whatever papers he needs to get custody of his son. He's emptied their bank accounts, and is opening new accounts that she won't have access too. Not that they have any money for her to take, but still :) He's said that she can have every single possession he owns, as long as she brings his son back.

No Throttling occured here today

Well, it's all said and done and over for now. And there was no under-educated, under-qualified diagnoses offered today. Mason was brilliant :) I love that boy :) He didn't flick a light switch or line up a car once!! Phew!

She managed to do a more formal assessment of him, and came to the conclusion that WOW! He DOES have receptive language! shocking. **Rolling my eyes here** He is on the low side compared to the average, or just below average, but I'm okay with that, and take responsibility that perhaps I focus on getting his speech improved, and have let his language fall behind a bit. But, now that I am aware, you bet that we'll be working on prepositions and 2-3 step instructions :) (also plays in here the fact that he's the last baby, and sometimes it's just easier to do things for him instead of asking him to do tasks that I need to have done quickly. We'll work on it :))

She said that he definitely has speech and language delays, and also social delays. I'm not sure where I am on that one quite yet. I mean, he's only just 3, and he and C, who we invited to play for the assessment (as requested by Carmen), were parallel playing quite a bit I thought. Mason's eye contact was very low today. Which is a definite social red flag. But then at the end, when she was going over things, she said that his eye contact with C was low...but Mason spent a lot of the time trying to show Carmen things, and interact with her...so I don't know what she was basing her opinion on there. We'll work on that too. AND! When I gave Cory a snack Mason wanted the same thing, and wanted to leave the table where he was working with Carmen, so that he could sit with Cory. Seems pretty social to me...but I don't know... he also spends a lot of time doing his own thing.

I can't wait to get her report. My doctor is getting a copy as well. So I want to set up an appointment with him to go over everything that we've been through the past few months and see what his opinion on all of this is. To see if we need some sort of assessment done.

Al made a good point last night when I was talking about how I thought Mason's eating (or lack thereof) was sensory. Al pointed out that I have a lot of sensory issues as well. I can't stand pudding, because of how it feels in my mouth. I won't touch cotton balls because of the way they 'squeak' in between my fingers. I've been known to cut the tags off my shirts, especially the ones sewn into the side of the shirt. I don't do great with a lot of mixed media noises. like if the TV and radio are on, and then the kids are being loud, it drives me nuts. There's more, but this is supposed to be about Mason :) So, I'm in some ways leaning towards having him tested for Sensory Integration Disorder.

She is recommending him for the speech program (no surprise). That will start in a couple weeks. We are also going on the waiting list for him to get a resource teacher, who will be able to go into his pre-school and discuss ideas and therapies with them to work on with him while he's at school. I'm happy about that one, especially since he'll need that resource teacher when he gets into Kindergarten next year, and hopefully we won't have to get onto another waiting list for that!!

So, I think that's about it. Until I get her report, I won't know what our next step is really.

Scared today

Mason has his in-home speech assessment with Carmen today. I'm terrified about what she's going to say this time. I'm worried that she has this preconceived notion about Mason, and is going to assess him using that :( I'm really hoping that she's more professional than that...but I'm not convinced.

I'll update when it's all over. But in the mean time, I'd love some positives thoughts for Mason. And perhaps Carmen so I don't throttle her if she crosses the line again :)

Because I can't stop looking at them...

I just HAVE to add the cakes I made for this weekend. I am in LOVE with the face of the Baby Einstein caterpillar :)






From these two orders, I got a repeat order from the woman who ordered the Hannah Montana cake. She wants a Lightning McQueen for her son in November, and I got an order for a Finding Nemo cake from the woman that I made the Elmo cake for last year :) I can't believe that I have a very real chance of making this a business!!

Lost in conversation

Last night the kids for some reason were discussing how Humans came to be on earth. Jenna's theory is that we were dinosaurs, and just changed to look like humans. Aidan's was a little more indepth.... First we were dinosaurs, and then we were birds. After that we were squirrels, and then Humans.

Take that Darwin! (And God?)

And later when I was at the grocery store, there was a couple there, and she was probably about 7-8 months pregnant. We were leaving the store, and I overheard her say to her husband, "So, 30 bucks for 112 diapers, how long do you think that will last?" He replies, completely straight-faced, "I don't know, like, 2 days?" and then broke out in a huge grin :) It made me miss that feeling of becoming a parent for the first time, and how everything is so new and strange, and exciting :)

However, after the day I have with C yesterday (the 1 year old), I am well aware of the reasons why we stopped having babies :)

Note to self..

When you look online and see how much cake batter is needed for a 10" round, 2 layer cake, DO Not bake it all in one pan. Your stove is CRAP, and you will end up with a burned outer layer, and runny middle.

off to cry into my cake batter coated dishes now.

Thrilled! And Stuff

Mason had school today. Both of his teachers made a point of searching me out and telling me what a wonderful day Mason had!! They even had a fire drill (Which, Hi! Coulda warned me!) and they both said he handled it really well!! Phew!! I am so happy that we were able to put him into pre-school. I just can't imagine him having to figure out this process with 20 other kids next year. Especially if the school is as disorganized next year as it was this year!

Speaking of that. I'm so grateful that Jenna and Aidan are so adaptable. Jenna was switched into a different class, a 1-2 split class (which she thinks is great, since she gets to be bossy to the grade ones :)), and I love because she has the same teacher as last year, and she's a brilliant teacher!! Aidan has had two different teachers, been switched from A days to B days, endured having 3 classes crammed together into 2 classrooms while they wait for the kindergarten portable to be brought in, and is so popular, that his best friend's Mom switched her son from a different day, and then to a different class so that he would be with Aidan! :) I can't imagine what a hell of a time the teachers are having right now, trying to keep up with everything, learning the names and then the new names, and having to deal with the shuffling of classrooms!

Our school is the over-flow school for Barrie. So we get kids from all over the city in order to make room for everyone. The big hassle this year is that the city decided to close one of the public schools, because it was going to cost too much to repair it, and bring it up to date. So we have all those kids at our school this year, until another school is built and ready for next year. crazy.

Also crazy is my week. Mason has school Monday and Wednesday, I have TWO cakes orders (one pretty big), and to top it all off, I took on a 1 year old in my daycare this week!! Now, he's a great baby, and totally cute, but his schedule is waaaaay different than ours, so it's gonna be a little difficult wither adapting to him, or having him adapt to us. I'm really hoping for the latter, since he'll be here 4 or 5 days a week! It's fun having a baby around again :) He fell asleep in my arms this afternoon. I miss that. I don't have the ache in my arms that I used to get when I wanted to have another baby of my own, but it definitely felt nice having him there :) Actually, it's his cake that I am making :) No pressure huh?! Talk about a test...here, care for my child, who is on a whacked schedule, pick up and drop off a gazillion other kids throughout the day, oh, and while you're at it, can you whip together one of these???


No pressure huh??

McAlendin Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

McAlendin Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

McAlendin Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Free family history - Family reunion

I have a fairy Godmother ;)

And because of her, every Monday and Wednesday morning I get to take Mason to the most wonderful place in the world..Pre-School. He's been 4 days now and just Loves it there :)

We were advised by the speech therapist at the hospital (the evil one) that Pre-School might be a very good idea for Mason. I happen to have a friend that is a pre-school teacher, so I tackled her in the school yard one day, and begged her to Please let Mason go to her school. Please! She laughed at me, called me crazy (the nerve huh?) and said they had Lots of spaces available, and that the info night was the next night! Whew, cut it close there. So, I went, got the info, got depressed over the initial price, and then down swooped my Fairy Godmother, and granted a wish so important to me that I'll never be able to thank her enough. Ever.

So, Mason's first day there was okay. He ran in without looking back, and seemed thrilled to be there. When I went to pick him up, it was a different story :( His teachers said he'd had a really hard time sitting in circle, and preferred to do his own thing. (Eek) So, they said they would brainstorm, and try to come up with ideas on ways to keep him in circle. Apparently they are brilliant brainstormers there :)

What they did for Mason was give him a little squishy ball. And when he's sitting in circle, he gets to hold it. But when he leaves, he loses the ball. It's worked Great for him! So great in fact that he didn't even need it for the second circle time today!!!!

And in even better news, S told me that she can't believe the change in him! She said from that first day to now, he seems like a completely different kid! I've noticed big changes too :) His speech has Exploded!! To the point where, when we were at my Mom's for her annual corn roast this past weekend, I didn't interpret ANYTHING he said for anyone! Not a single thing!! I didn't have to endure the looks of "Man, there's is something Wrong with this kid!" or the puzzled "What the hell is he saying to me!?" look either! It was sooo nice. He was friendly, and pleasant, he played with everyone, and answered questions from the adults. In times past, with a huge group like that it would have been SO hard for him to function. I am SO proud of my little boy :)

When I was talking to my Dad last night, even he was understanding Mason over the phone! He thought it was Aidan talking! We have our dreaded home visit from Carmen on the 30th, and I am kinda looking forward to it :) I can't wait to show her how he's changed in a month!

In other news, Jenna is doing terrific in school. Aidan is so popular that another Mom switched her son's school days so he would be going on the same day as Aidan! Al is having a hard time at work, and that worries me. He and a few other of the drivers got together and asked for a union to come in. So not it seems as though there's a hit out on his head :( As much as I want their working conditions to improve, and the pay to be higher, if it means that Al loses his job, or isn't being respected at work, it's SO not worth it. Maybe you could keep positive thoughts going his way. He could certainly use them right now :)

And that's us! Oh wait! Me! ummm...I'm just Happy that Mason is doing so well right now. And I am adding a 1 year old to my daycare next week. (Yikes!) AND!! I have TWO paid cake orders for next weekend!! Woot Woot!

That's all :)

Dear Aidan,

Being the middle child, I sometimes get the feeling that you're getting ripped off. That you don't get all the credit or attention you deserve. So this my son, is for you.

I was just downstairs doing laundry. Taking your clothes from the washer to the dryer. And I was not surprised to find a collection of small stones in the bottom of the washing machine. They brought a smile to my face. And today, instead of handing them back to you, or throwing them back outside, I looked at them. And I saw those stones in a different light. In the way that you must have seen them when you chose to add them to your collection. I saw the one that is solid, and brown, with darker brown spots on it. Much like the skin of the frogs you love so much. I saw the smooth flat black one, that had a solid deep dark black line running through it. It looked beautiful, and unique, like you. I saw the one that seemed ordinary, and gray...until I held it, and saw the way it glittered in the light. I saw the pink one, and I know in my heart that you chose it for your sister. I love that about you buddy.

I get more positive comments on you than I do your siblings (Shhh, don't tell them :)) I hear so often that people want to take you home with them, or want to see the world from your eyes, because you are so imaginative, and dramatic, and passionate about everything you do. I see the smiles on people's faces when you're acting silly in effort to impress someone, or get their attention. I know the way you work your way into their hearts, with your simple "Hi, my name's Aidan. And this is my sister Jenna, and my little brother Mason". It gets them every time. The way you would so willingly put your hand into the mother's of Jenna's friends when we would walk to school when you were little. People just seem to Get you, and accept you, and love you, no matter what you're or where we're going.

I hope that you always keep your passion...but I hope that you find a way to control your tears, because buddy...it's not going to work for you much longer :) I hope your spirit stays strong, and that you do great things in your life, because baby, if anyone can, it's going to be you. Keep practicing those hand stands, and try not to get too tired when you colour okay?? Because someday, I'd really love to see the kind of art you may create if you would just put your mind to it :) I'd love to hear a story that you write, because like your father, I think you'll be a brilliant author if you try :) Or maybe it's acting you'll excel at. You've always been the most expressive of the bunch :)

I may not save all the stones you bring home. But I will carry the memory of them. Thank you Aidan. You make the sun shine everywhere you go. And I am so blessed to be your Mommy.

It's not that I didn't have something to blog about....

It's that I was being a completely lazy blogger :)

I could have written about this...



But I was too busy packing lunches, and brushing hair, and organizing backpacks, and laying out clothes, and signing agendas, and writing on labels :) I realized this week why I wasn't excited about back to school like All the other Mom's I know. It's because it's HARD dude!! I have to get up earlier, and be SO much more organized. If there's one thing I've learned about the school year, it's to make the lunches the night before!!! Now, ask me how many times I have already implemented that little gem this year?? HA! One :( Well, at least I still have another 10 months minus one week to get back on track with that right? :)

I could have written about going to see a pre-school for Mason. And about being way down in the dumps, because we just can't swing the tuition right away. (We'd have to pay the first 2 months, plus a meeting fee, plus an administration fee...ouch :( ) If we had thought of sending him sooner, it wouldn't be a problem, but to pay out that much right now, after coming off a summer where I didn't make half the money I had originally thought I would, it's just not an option. Still have some avenues to go down in regards to that though, so we're not giving up on it entirely.

I could have written about the fact that my Mom said she would babysit for an entire weekend while Al and I went on a couples therapy retreat. but when I mentioned that I wasn't sure if we were still going because I have a 1 year old starting that week, and there's no way his mother will be able to get here in time for us to make it to the retreat in time for the start, but that maybe my Mom could still take the kids...she laughed.(Sorry 'bout the run on sentence there) I am so unbelievably hurt. My brother's son lives there. They have a built in babysitter anytime they want. I asked for Nothing this summer from my Mom, in anticipation of this one weekend. And she won't do it if we aren't going to the retreat. I'm really getting the feeling that she's afraid of Mason. Which makes me hesitant to share with her about any of his trials or triumphs. and that hurts. it hurts too much to write about.

But I will share with you that Mason had an incredible week for his speech!!! He said to me a couple nights ago, after I told him to go pee, "No, first I brush a teeth" (He often replaces the word Me with A). :) I was SO happy to hear such a strong sentence. He's getting better at his "I want" requests too, which is really helping both of us...except when it's the 5th time that day that he's said "I want a free-gee" (freezie) :) Because he's not so good at accepting the fact that Mommy has limits :) God bless the makers of sugar free lollypops though!!!

And I will definitely share with you the beautiful friend I have in Julie Bo Bolie :) She so graciously offered up the DVD copying skills of her husband (shhhhh!!!!!) and he copied a slew of the Signing Time DVD's for us. All 5 of us are picking up the sign language faster than I ever dreamed possible. Although, I find I am getting frustrated with myself, for not becoming more fluent, faster :) I suppose it would be different if we were a family dealing with a deaf child. We have the good fortune of being able to speak, and be heard and understood by our child. I think that has made me lazier :P But it's coming. Even my finger-spelling is improving I noticed today. (Though I certainly won't be showing off anytime soon...I still have atrocious skillz LOL) Not that Mason gets that yet, since he's only just 3, and while he knows his letters fairly well, his spelling, well, duh, he's three, he can't spell :) Also against us is the fact that the only people we have to sign to and with is each other, so it's a bit harder to 'practice' like that. But we are having fun with it, and I am SO proud of my children for taking hold of such a wonderfully useful skill :) SO proud :)

Also, Mason saw his regular speech therapist today. I love Lindsey :) She reassured me that she has never seen a reason to refer Mason to a pediatrician. Which is the ONLY way a Speech Path could EVER suggest that they think your child has Autism. I'm not sure how I want to deal with the information that the speech path at the hospital crossed that line. Lindsey told me that if she had done that, she would have lost her job. Ouch. She is in no way impressed with the hospital assessments lately. And said that neither are the other 15 families that have been through the assessments recently. That's gotta say something about the process, no? Lindsey did suggest that we keep an eye on Mason's attention span. I agree with her on that. But that's a whole other blog :) Bottom line is that because we Have to go through the hospital process to get him the help he'll need in school, then that's what we're going to do. But I won't do it quietly if it means he's treated like someone he is not. (unless they can prove otherwise of course)

So, that's all I have to say about any other that :)

I needed time to process that...

Mason's speech assessment didn't really go very well. Not that I am at all surprised that the assessor thinks he has a speech delay, because hey, that's why I took him right? But the way he reacted, and the way the assessment was done, and the way the assessor acted just threw me for such a loop that I needed time to step out of the situation and readdress my feelings on it.

So, here's how it went. We were, unfortunately, a few minutes late for his appointment, which always gives me anxiety, which Mason is Very good at picking up on. So already, both he and I were nervous. We get there, and the receptionist was on the phone (not her fault, I know) but we had to wait for about 10 minutes for her to finish, and by that time, Mason was ready to go explore, or leave, or do anything else. And once we were registered, we had to go out and wait in the hall. At the hospital. Which is rather big, and exciting for a 3 year old who loves to explore. And full of people, most of whom were nice enough to acknowledge his rather exuberant "HI! iiii'm Mason!! ("Matin"). And then of course he wanted to follow the people who responded to him, because he was bored out of his mind waiting.

So, we finally get called in by Carmen, and he was deep in conversation with a seriously sweet woman who was halfway up the hall :) He didn't want to leave :) Drag him into the most boring room Ever. Small table, 4 chairs, a couple pictures of cartoon kids on the bulletin board, and 2 cupboards. So now my very spirited boy is over stimulated by the small room, with nothing in it for him. (In his opinion)

The first thing she wanted to do was talk to me. While Mason had Nothing to do. Uh uh lady. good luck. So I gave him a pen and a piece of paper from my purse. Once he was bored with that, he moved on to explore the room. Climb on a chair, pull on the blind string, flick the lights on and off. (Note, she wrote down that he's obsessed with light switches..after I said he loves turning the lights on and off at home too. **He does it appropriately at home, on in the dark, off at bedtime etc**) Typical for Mason, perhaps my fault, because I believe children deserve the opportunity to explore. Thus creating a child who won't sit and wait for much of anything. I should have brought a snack :( Hindsight.

So, once Carmen was fully annoyed with his behaviour. She decided to start assessing him. She pulls out her book. sets it up, and starts talking with me again. UGH! now he's back at the table, with the pen. Trying to draw in her book (Crap!!). She says "Well, usually we would do a formal assessment for a child over three, but since he's only just three, we'll stick with the informal testing." ya think!? You've totally lost his interest lady!! Ugh!!! Fine, so she Finally pulls around the cupboard with the toys in it. He was SO happy!! And he played perfectly!! Fed the baby, shared with Carmen, put the play food on plates, knew what the milk was, put the animals in the barn, changed his voice for each animal. It was beautiful watching him!! But once he got playing, Carmen went back to talking to me. Every couple minutes she would try to ask Mason a question, and sometimes he would answer, and sometimes he wouldn't. In his defense, she never left her chair. Never got down to his level. IMO, as someone who worked with Autistic children for years, and someone who works with children now, you HAVE to get in a 3 year old's face sometimes!!! He was playing with toys that are new to him, of course those are going to be more interesting to him than an adult he's never met, and who was bossy (In his opinion) about the lights and the chair and the pen!

So, we got through our hour. And she says to me, "I didn't get a very good assessment, I don't think his receptive language is very good (She's on crack, his receptive language is awesome!), I want to do a second assessment of him at home." Which is perfectly fine with me. I know he'll give her a better grasp on his abilities, and disabilities when he's on his home turf.

In my opinion, being able to look back and reflect on how the process was handled, I don't think we got a fair assessment. I think Carmen got an opinion of Mason when he was running around flicking the lights on and off, and she wasn't willing to waiver from that opinion. And that opinion is that my Son has Autism. I disagree. I fully admit that he is a quirky kid. I fully admit that he is a handful, and a ball of electric energy, and that he is very spirited. But I don't believe that he has Autism (Though I also admit to wondering in the past, and if you had been in that room with him, you maybe would have questioned it too.) But he's not. He's social, and he's receptive, and he doesn't flap his hands (unless he's pretending to be a bird, which he did during the assessment UGH!!), he makes eye contact, he doesn't line up his toys, and he plays appropriately. He's smart, but he's not a Savant. So there. :) His hearing is hampered by fluid in his ears, and we are trying different, less intrusive, although slower, methods to stimulate the drainage, and that impairment hinders him in a lot of ways. His speech delay or disorder, whatever it turns out to be, hampers him in a HUGE way, because instead of saying leave me alone, he screams...because he can't get the words out to tell you you're pissing him off. And there you have it. Mama Bear is out, and the claws are going to follow if I don't get a fair assessment!

In a side note, from talking with another Mother who has had both of her children assessed at the same place, the assessment of Mason was done very differently. Carmen was supposed to go behind the 2 way glass and observe him playing. Had she done that, she would have been able to get a much better picture of Mason. Would have seen that he understands everything said to him, can follow instruction, can make eye contact.

So. That's that. I'm still waiting for the phone call to set up the home visit. I'm still waiting on an answer as to what is wrong with my son. And I am still waiting to figure out what the next step is. I hate waiting.

I take it back

I am SO ready for these kids to go back to school!!!! These past two days have been nothing but whining, and arguing, and fighting, and getting on my every damn last nerve!!!!

As much as I am not looking forward to making lunches, or the pickup in the rain and snow, and I sooo ready for them to be challenged, and busy, and anywhere but under my feet for a few hours a day!!!!

Al and I both have the next 4 days off, and I am SOOO relieved!!! Here's to hoping the 5 of us make it through without throttling one or another :)

On a totally different note, Mason has a speech assessment tomorrow morning at the hospital. He's been having a really good week speech-wise, so I don't know how he'll score, or rate or whatever it is. I was bad, and I didn't do any of his speech therapy homework this week. (Hello, guilt) But I figured it might give them a better idea of where he is when left to his own devices. I don't know. I'm also on the fence about mentioning Apraxia, or not mentioning Apraxia to see what they say. I probably won't, because that too could skew his results. And of course I don't want to force a label on my son. I'll update when I get back :)

1 week

As much as I love BNL, this post isn't about them :)

1 more week until school starts. I'm not really sure how I feel about that! Since my kids have been in school, I haven't had the opportunity to be with them full time in the summer. I've always worked part time. So we would have our afternoons and evenings. But never all day every day. I will admit that at the beginning of the summer, I was kinda dreading it. I was terrified that they would be bored by the second week of July, and I would be counting down the days until they went back to school. But until I realized we only had a couple weeks left together, it never really crossed my mind. I'm probably weird that way...because I read a few other blogs and the Mom's are definitely on a serious countdown.

I think maybe I have an advantage by doing home daycare. Almost every day the kids had a friend over to play with. And on the days they didn't, those were the days we headed out to visit friends, or went to the library, or the beach. So we didn't get to any amusement parks, or the zoo (maybe Saturday!), or grand adventures this summer. What we did do was relaxing, and fun, and together. We searched out some new parks in town, we walked the neighbourhood, and had picnics in the yard. We had water fights, and I put bubbles in the pool. We painted with water, discovered slime, and made butterflies with our feet. We watch the metamorphosis of caterpillars. We napped :)

Next week it's going to be so weird here. The Pace will have to speed up, lunches to make, kids to walk to and from school. Jenna will be gone all day, Aidan every other day. C is going into JK, so I'll only have him a couple days a week. I am getting a 1 year old at the end of September, so that will certainly stir things up! But other than that, it'll just be me, Mason, and M, another 3 year old. All summer it's been my 3 kids, and 1-3 other kids every day.

The time goes too fast once kids get into school. Mason is going to JK next year, and I am going to be absolutely lost without him :( Especially since new legislation is coming in to make Kindergarten all day every day starting next September. I don't have much time left with my baby.

Back to school kinda sucks I think.

A no good, very bad, terrifying, morning.

This post is awful. If you're having a sad day, probably don't ready it.

My kids went missing this morning. Jenna and Aidan. I went next door to give my neighbour something. I took Mason with me. I came home 2 minutes later. My house was empty. I called. And called, and called. I went outside and called. I went in the back yard and called. Nothing. Silence has never sounded so excruciatingly painful.

I ran back to K's house, and she called 911 for me, and watched Mason while I drove around the block. Nothing. Not a single person out on the street. Since when do we live in such a deserted neighbourhood??

I came back home. Still no kids. A little boy that lives across the street came over and was so awesome, he offered to look for them, asked what they were wearing (Pajamas :( ) and off he went. He thought he saw something a couple blocks away, so I took off in my van again, but there was nothing there. Again.

I came back and talked to the dispatcher for 911. She took a better description of the kids, and asked if I could think of where they might be on our street. Jenna's friend wasn't home, so I knew she wasn't there. Our old babysitter isn't home this week either, so I knew that wasn't it. There aren't any other places on our street that they would have gone. The dispatcher suggested maybe they had gone to the park. I immediately said no, that's not a possibility, they aren't the kind of kids that just decide to go for a walk to the park without me. I said that I could see Jenna taking Aidan to the neighbours to see if I was there, but not as far as the park. The dispatcher then reminded me that they had been gone for more than 20 minutes now, and they would have had time to walk there. And I promptly lost it again. From the time I realized they were gone, it didn't seem like more than 20 minutes had passed...and yet at the same time, 20 minutes was a long time. Especially when you're 4 and 7.

About 20 seconds later, I saw the mother of one of Jenna's friends driving up the street. I thought it was strange...since she lives like 3 blocks away, and we don't live on a main street. And then I saw Aidan's face in the back window of the truck. I almost peed my pants with relief. I couldn't get the door to the truck open fast enough. And I couldn't hug my children tight enough.

I still can't believe it happened. I still can't accept the fact that they really are okay.

I also have a few thank you cards to write. My neighbour across the road, who I've hardly ever spoken to, sent her daughter to the park to look for them, and it was the boy that lives there (not her son) that went looking initially. Also, my kids had knocked on Jenna's best friends door, but they were sleeping. And when D looked out her front window, she didn't recognize the kids walking away, she thought the girl was a neighbour kid that has been giving them a hard time. But when she went outside and my neighbours daughter told her who it was. She called, and left a message, and at the end of the message she said, "oh to hell with it, I'm coming over there." And she did. In her jammies. :) Thankfully my kids were back by then, but still. What a wonderful friend. And then there's K. Who is sick as a dog. But called 911, and stayed with Mason, and then drove and drove and drove looking for my children. Who scolded them as I would have, who hugged them as tight as I did.

My head hurts. I guess from the stress of it, and from trying to figure out what the hell would make them go that far!! Jenna said she thought I had taken Mason for a little walk. Aidan said Jenna told him to go :) You better believe though that it will NOT happen again.

2 minutes. that's all it took to nearly lose my children.

It was extra scary for me, because when I was pregnant with Jenna, I could picture her at every age until 7. And then I couldn't picture her anymore. Jenna's 7 now. I've been holding my breath in a way since her birthday. And when this happened this morning, it was like all the air was sucked out of me.

But they are back. And they are safe. And I am going out to buy kid leashes for them I think. :)