Jenna did very well!!

Her teeth looks great!! She was a little freaked out about falling asleep, but settled down after a minute. It was kinda hard to see her sleeping like that. Especially since she occasionally sleeps with her eyes partially open...and did this time as well. Creepy :)

They did 7 cavities and replaced the two temporary fillings they did in January.

It was scary(and funny) to see her wake up. Once she was fully awake, she wanted to leave...right NOW. We thought she'd been awake long enough, and let her get up. Unfortunately, she was still really unsteady on her feet. And fell into the hygenist on her left...and then fell into me on her right. And then she was really tipsy all the way out to the desk. The hygenist out there offered to let her sit in the waiting room for awhile, and even bought her some apple juice :) Unfortunately, the poor girl fell over into the arm of the couch in the waiting room while I attempted to dig in my purse for money for the juice. :( I felt so bad for her...but she didn't seem too bothered by it :) She looked like she'd had far too much wine at dinner :)

You should have seen her eat when we got home!! MAN! I realize that she hadn't eaten since 7am(so 10 hours before!!)...but wow, can that girl ever pack it in!! She had 2 full helpings of dinner(Ham, rice and carrots) an applesauce and milk, and then another snack before bed! And she's been eating non-stop all day today too! Good thing we don't have to do this very often! We'd have to get a loan from the bank, just to feed her! I'm terrified of the teenage years around here!

The dentist did a good job :) I would have liked the colour of her fillings to match her teeth a little better, but I also have no clue about this kind of thing, so don't know if that would be possible :) Dr.M did do a Fantastic job on her little teeth beside the from two. He filled them in and made them bigger...they look great :)

Anyway, I'll leave you with a before and after of my daughter's smile :)

~Lisa~

BEFORE

AFTER

Today's the day.

Jenna is getting her teeth fixed today. 2 hours from now actually. She just couldn't do it awake(Screaming, not sitting still etc...) so she'll be going under anesthesia. I am so scared for her, but also very relieved to be getting this over and done with. I know it will go fine, and she'll have a beautiful, pain-free smile at the end of it all, but still...if you read this...perhaps you could think good thoughts for Jenna today?

I'm so stressedright now. This appointment is costing us a lot of money. I mean, NOTHING complared to the whole amout(which is close to $4000), but enough so that I am freaking out. $400. We don't have it right now. When Al started with his new place, he lost a week in pay because of the way their pay system works. I don't really understand it. And I realllly dislike it. So, we've been struggling to get the bills paid and keep food on the table for a couple months now. And now this :(

Blah. I hate to be the grown-up sometimes. really really hate it.

~Lisa~

The nicest gifts.

Mason turned 6 months old yesterday. 6 MONTHS PEOPLE!! And he gave me the most beautiful gift. He said Mama. Jenna and Aidan both said Dada first...and Jenna called me Lisa before she called me Mama. So, this gift, from my last baby is so special to me :)

He's been making the MMMMMM sound for a couple days, but try as I might, he wouldn't repeat Mama. Last night I was upstairs getting the kids jammies, Mason was in his exersaucer and he started to fuss. Next thing I knew, he was saying MMMM MAMA! MMMM MAMA!! And he said it a few times. I called Karen and she heard it too! And then Al called to say he was on his way home, and he heard it too!!

And then, at 2:30 this morning, when Mason decided to fill his diaper, and half his jammies, when I was at my most sleepy and cranky...he said it again as soon as I fastened his clean diaper :)

I am loving this :)

Al gave me a few gifts this morning! First, he let me sleep in. He gave the kids thier breakfast, he tried his best to keep them quiet for me. And, he did the dishes from last night!! What a lovely sight this morning, to come down to nice shiney counters, and a sink filled with CLEAN dishes :) He said to me "Maybe this will help towards an easier day today." (Yesterday was rough, with much fighting amongst the hooligans, and a sore throat from hell) I love that man so very much.

Yesterday when I picked up Jenna from school, I was rewarded with a big smile and lots of praise from her teacher!! "Jenna is doing EXCELLENT with her letter sounds now" she said to me!! I had hoped to hear something like that. I saw a huge improvement over the weekend and through the week. I got out my flashcards for work, she thought they were fun!! Yay!! And she's sounding out everything now! "Telephone...Tuh...Tuh...Tuh...Telephone starts with T!!" I am so proud of my girl.

We've decided that Aidan is not quite ready for toilet training yet. He just doesn't get it. I'll try again next month. Although...Karen brought him a Buzz Lightyear Pull-up yesterday...he thought that was COOL! And was rather upset to realize that he had peed on Buzz. LOL...so maybe I'll try those. I've never been a pull-ups supporter before...but I've also never trained Aidan before :) Gotta use what works...that's the key :)

Just to add a little vent here...Why do other people assume THEY know when it's the best time to toilet train other people's kids?? My Mother AND step-mother have BOTH said within the past week "I think it's about time you get that boy trained." ugh. Shut up. he's mine. If I feel like changing diapers for the next 4 years, that's my concern. Sorry, that was really snarky. My mom has been pissing me off a lot lately, trying to teach me how to parent my children. She doesn't know. She never had three. She didn't work. My brother and I were FAR from perfect. I think it's just her approach. When I'm stressed out, I need support...not to be admonish for letting them get "out of control". Ugh. Blah.

Anyway, the good is totally outweighing the bad today :) we're having a jammie day. Which we never do...it seems weird to me to not get dressed...but why not right :)

~Lisa~

Remember back in July, when I was 8 months pregnant, suffering from low blood sugar, and a throat infection? And I got a speeding ticket? 70 in a 50, Community Safety Zone no less :( $198, and 3 points. OUCH!

I went to court for it yesterday. I got a thing in the mail a month ago offering an Early Resolution, and told me that if I wanted to take this option, to attend to Courtroom 1 on February 21st, at 2:15pm.

Yeah! I was totally all over that! So, I worked yesterday, then went and picked up Mason from daycare.(Jenn suggested taking him with me...thanks Jenn!!) ad off we went. To the courthouse.

Little did I know however, Barrie has TWO courthouses. A Criminal Court, and a Provincial Court. Which one did I choose to go to you ask?? Yep, the Criminal court. WHAT?! I didn't KNOW!! I waited outside Courtroom 1 for awhile. Since I was Super punctual, and got there at 2:00. I waited and waited. Someone unlocked the door...then a few people trickled in...but I was the only one in the hall waiting still. Finally at 2:20, I decided that maybe I was supposed to just go in. So, that's what I did. I wheeled Mason in, and took a seat, just as court was called to order. And thought to myself, "Phew! Glad I came in when I did, or I would have been late, and how embarrasing would THAT have been!!" HAHAHAHA!! I notice a woman look at me, then over at the police officer on duty, who shot her back a look that said "I don't know who the hell she is" And I got scared. The woman came over to me, and asked if she could help me. I handed her my blue paper that had the address on it, the date on it, Courtroom 1 on it, and the time on it. She smiled sweetly and said to me "Dear, you're in the wrong place." Dumb me said "But it says courtroom 1 right there" She replied "Yes, but this is 114 Mulcaster Street. And it says here on your paper that you need to be at 56 Mulcaster Street" OH...MY...GOODNESS!!! I about died right there in the middle of court. She took me out into the hallway then. She was SO super nice about it all, thank goodness, because visions of handcuffs and contempt of court charges were swimming in front of my eyes!! I couldn't stop appologizing!! But, she explained that it happens, and that she really didn't think I was a witness to a criminal trial!! ACK! No, I certainly was not. And then she wrote me an excuse note, and a map. That's right. 26 years old, mother of three, speed demon...and I needed an excuse note to get INTO court. Unbelievable.

So, I bundle Mason up Again, and take off(By this time I am pushing 2:30...for my 2:15 court time!) I race as fast as retarded 3 inch heeled pointy toed un-insulated boots will take me(read, not very fast, and not at all graceful). Away we went. Down the very steep driveway. Down the not quite as steep but very snow covered sidewalk, to the right courthouse.

I bet I looked totally HOT when I got in there! LOL

God must have really been watching over me(totally giggling and shaking His head...but watching none the less) as I wasn't late...well, I WAS, but the JP was still hearing people from the 1:00 slot! PHEW!!!!!!!!

So, I got to talk to the Lawyer, who didn't care what my excuse was. But she was lovely, and knocked my charge down to 65 in a 50, with ZERO points! Phew! I have to pay $90, plus a victim fine surcharge of $25. I'm very grateful for that.

And I have been much more aware of my speed since that day.

And I will double check the addresses of my destinations from now on :)

**ETA...I forgot to say, because I brought Mason, I got to go (and leave) first!! Woo!!

~Lisa~

Good Afternoon!

Mason had his 6 month check up this morning. He's 20lbs 0.5oz, and 28 inches long! He grew an Inch in a month!!! Weight is slowing down finally. Nothing much to report for him. other than the fact that he Smiled through his needle!! Silly boy.

Jenna had a follow-up to check her throat. Dr. said it still looks a touch red, and asked if she's coughing a lot still(which she is). If she's not better by next week I'm supposed to take her back in.

Dr. Wk pretty much ignored me when I said that I thought Aidan had had fifth disease(slapped cheek it's also called). I guess it's nothing much to worry about. He also pretty much ignored me when I told him that I have the flu. (Fever, body aches, headache)

And then, to top it all off, Aidan had the most embarrasing meltdown in the waiting room when I was trying to get him to put his coat on. Like, I had to drag him out, while he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Why do kids have to test you when you're down? I mean really. Had I been feeling any better at all I think it would have gone just fine. Unfortunately...it did not. I have never been so embarrased :(

So, that's the update here. Hope all is going well for you today.

~Lisa~

Small Success :)

We've decided that it's about time Aidan get started with toilet training. He wore underwear from the time he got up from his nap yesterday, until bedtime. AND STAYED DRY!!! AND! He had one success on the toilet! WOOHOO! He was so pissed off when I put his diaper on for bedtime. LOL

He's really resistant to sitting on the toilet though :( I think we need to get a different seat to go on the toilet for him. The one we have snaps onto a potty, and it's a tad small for his chubby legs :)

Jenna had a small success yesterday too! I got out my alphabet flash cards from work and quized her on what her letters and letter sounds are. I gave her one mini coloured marshmallow(the treat of choice around here :)) for every right answer. Nothing like finding the right reinforment :) She thought it was fun, and we were happy with the results :)

Mason's small success was his superb rolling skills. I put him in the middle of the living room, and about 3.2 seconds later, he's across the room. At the moment Al is giving him his cereal...is he spitting you ask?? No, no he is not. Little Bum!!

So, yesterday was a pretty good day all in all :)

~Lisa~

His spitting skillz...

They Are MAD!!

I thought you would be happy to know that Mason has MASTERED the art of blowing raspberries. The teacher?? His FATHER.

Al was blowing raspberries on Mason's neck/face last night, and the next thing we knew, Mason was blowing them back at Al!! And then of course, he decided that Breakfast time this morning would be the Perfect time to perfect this newfound skill of his.

I've attached photographic evidence...you'll be so proud :) I'd like to point out a few things.

1.) The spot of cereal on the top of his HEAD!! The boy's spitting skillz...they are mad.

2.) The mischievious gleam in his eye. I'm pretty sure that if we could read his mind, he'd be evil-laughing.

3.) The Bib Formerly Known As Clean.

4.) The mess on his chin? From ONE spoonful of Nestle Oat cereal.

Let the games begin.

~Lisa~

Got a call from the school today.

Just as I was leaving Henry's my cell phone rang. It was Jenna's school saying she was sick and wanted to go home. I was expecting it. When she woke up this morning she was sounding pretty rough, and still coughing. I tried to get her to stay home, but she realllllly wanted to go...so I figured I would let her try. So, I race to the school as fast as I dared. Get there, and the secretary says that she's gone back to class, and that the teacher would like to speak to me. Uh-oh. Hear that??? It's alarm bells. In my head.

I get to the classroom, and spy Jenna. Playing. Running. Obviously not half dead from fever and illness as I had convinced myslef while driveing far too fast to get her.

I walk over to the teacher, who says to me "Jenna has had a really rough morning. But I'll let you talk to her first" hmm...okay, Jenna says she has a tummy ache(Her answer for everything lately). I felt her head, she was a bit warm, but certainly did Not seem like she was too sick to be at school. I tur back to the teacher, who tells me that this HOOLIGAN of mine, has pushed a boy down, into a bench, for "being in her space". AND has buried the mitten of a schoolmate in the snow(I later learned from said schoolmate, that Jenna was Not the only culprit. That badass 5 year old Kattie played a part in it too. lol). Oh My GOODNESS!! Where did this demon child come from!?!? I told her in no uncertain terms that she was NOT too sick to come home, and that I was extrememely disappointed in her. And then she was made to appologize to the people she had wronged.

Her teacher was really nice about it. Understood that it was probably because she's not feeling well, and was up a couple times in the night, so was way over-tired. I should have kept her home. Hindsight.

I also had a chance to talk to her about the phonics. She's going to be sending home a flipbook of all the letters, and something or other. Which kinda makes me think that Jenna is probably not the only child struggling with this. I learn a new word by sight reading, rarely by sounding it out phonetically...I have a feeling Jenna is the same. She WANTS to read. She loves writing letters. She plays with our Leap Pad fridge phonics thing as much as Aidan. So, I think my initial concern was maybe a tad, little wee bit, over the top. She's just learning a different way. and that is fine.

Also, big news, I got the phone numbers for TWO friends today!! Yay us!! AND (only becase of peer pressure from the MOMS) Jenna spent an hour after school at a friends house this afternoon :) Go Jenna :)

~Lisa~

Blaaaaaahhhhhhhhh......

We're sick...still. Colds for the kids and I. And STILL with the pink eye!! I just can't beat it!! All the kids have it again. I think Jenna and I may have throat infections as well. I'm debating the pros and cons of going to the clinic with three kids in tow, against staying home and listening to the whining....tough one.

Mason had his first day at the babysitter's yesterday :( It went well enough. And by that, I really mean it went great. He was a model baby for Laura...except for the three poops which necessitated entire outfit changes. (Hehehe...that's my boy!!) Every time Jenny's phone rang I had a huge lump in my throat...thinking that for sure something horrendous had happened with the baby! But, no, it went fine. He wanted to nurse all freakin' afternoon though!! Which was fine really, I was pretty full up by the time 1:00 came around!

Jenny and I had a good meeting yesterday about Henry's progress. She asked me (ME!) to write some of the new programs we'd like to implement for him. I've already done Expressive Letter and Number Sequencing. Next is receptive. Also an opposites program, and some fine motor work :) I'm so excited that she asked me :) Usually my friend Karen does the program writing. But, when you compare $35/hour to my $15??? Yeah, I'd ask me to do the basic stuff too :) And she's totally going to pay me! I mean...I had hoped she would offer when I took the two programs that I wrote in to her for approval, but never would have asked, since they were my first :)

Charlie is doing well (well, better than he was anyway) He's home now. He sounds Really tired, but that could have been from the 18 hour trip home!! He had to take the bus, since he was well enough...but with the storms we've been getting, it took the driver a reallllly long time to get to Cochrane. He's supposed to go to Sudbury for an assessment at the end of this month, so I hope they have some answers for him. He's been put on Heart meds again. Which he says is a really good thing...so hopefully that means they are making him feel better.

Al is getting a new car!! WOOHOO!! But, that means he's trying to sell his old one :( Anyone interested in a 2000 Chevrolet Cavalier in really good condition?? $3800 and she's yours!! It's dark purple, 4 doors....really pretty :)

***ETA - I braved the clinic. Jenna has tonsilitis!! Poor kid :( I just have a virus, not a throat infection as I thought. Oh well. Fine by me!

I haven't been doing a good enough job...

With my daughter.

I saw her teacher yesterday, and was compelled to ask her how Jenna has been doing. She made a face, like a scrunchy "I wish you hadn't asked me that because it is not good news" kinda face :(

She did some assessments on the kids yesterday. Apparently Jenna is not up to par on her letter sounds. Not how the teacher would like her to be. She asked me to work on it at home more.

We have been! Really!! Just not in the right way. I had been asking her things like "What Letter does Mom start with?" She'd reply "I don't know" and I would say "Sound it out..MMMMMooooommmm" And she would get it right away! I though she was doing pretty good.

Nope. Apparently not.

She's supposed to be able to look at a letter and know it's sound. And also be asked outright, What sound does M make.(Which she did better on than looking at the letter, whop-dee-do)

I know my daughter really well(I like to think anyway. HA!). And I bet she was faking it on half of the questions her teacher asked. She does it for attention. I know that. Her teacher tried to reassure me by saying that it could have just been the mood Jenna was in, or the time of day, or her little cold throwing her off.

But still. No good parent likes to hear the words "She's not doing so well." To me, it roughly translates into "You're failing her at home".

And it annoys me that I had to ASK the teacher about her progress. I see the woman every day. I'd like to know that she's going to tell me when my kid is falling behind her peers.

*sigh*

I need to figure out how to work this into our day. How to make NOT like work. How to get her to excell.

This is what I DO for a living. I teach. I explain. I re-teach. I mould. I reward.

I'm just afraid that if I bring out my flashcards, it's going to put her on the defense, and she won't do it for me.

Which is C~R~A~Z~Y. I am her MOTHER. I need to do this. And I need to do it Well.

Wish me luck.

~Lisa~

Thoughts and Prayers for Papa Charlie.

Al's Step father Charlie is in the Hospital. In Thunder Bay. Which is 9 hours from his home :(

He suffered a very severe Angina attack on Tuesday. He was driving his transport at the time, but managed to get pulled over and into a coffee shop where he collapsed and had to be resuscitated. They managed to get him to a hospital(An hour away) and from there air-lifted him to the hospital in Thunder Bay.

They are doing an Angiogram on his heart this morning, and some other tests. Once the results are back from those, and he's well enough, they'll be sending him by air ambulance back to the Timmins hospital.

He's had heart attacks before, and has already undergone bypass surgery. There's nothing else they can do for his heart.

It's all up to him now. He has to stop smoking, and improve his diet greatly. And no more long haul driving. They figure the attack was brought on by stress and exhaustion. He'd been on the road almost non-stop for 2 weeks when it happened. Do you know what the lady at his office told my MIL when she called to tell them what happened, and where he was? "Oh, that's no problem, we have another driver going through there in a day or so, he can bring Charlie back." Like the man is going to want to sit in a truck for another day!! Some people...dumb dumb dumb.

So, if you can spare a thought or Prayer for our Charlie, we'd all appreciate it. He's all alone in Thunder Bay, and gets Depressed pretty easily. Also, maybe a prayer/thought for my MIL, Dale? She's having a rough time being so far away from him.

Thanks Everyone.

~Lisa~

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Mason is FINALLY...

ROLLING OVER!!! He did it awhile ago, but I guess it was a total fluke, because he hasn't done it since!

Until a couple days ago. I thought Jenna had rolled him onto his tummy, as she does every day when SHE decides it's tummy time. But she was pretty adamant that NO is was NOT her. And then he did it again, when she was at school, so there was no way she could have been the culprit :)

And now he won't stop doing it!! Put him on the floor and he's right over, and then 2 seconds later is screaming to be rolled back! While I am THRILLED he has reached this milestone...I am not so thrilled with having to roll him over eleventy zillion times a day.

I caught him on video yesterday. I love the look on his face at the end...like WHOA! Did you See what I just did?! LOL Hopefully it works :)


~Lisa~

***Okay, So I can't figure it out! but my beautiful friend Jes posted it above for me!! Love to her!!!

Some of my favourite childhood memories.

1. Walking to the grocery store with my mom. I remember her pushing my brother in his carriage. There was a very long hill, and she would let me run to the bottom and wait for her to catch up. I felt so grown up...I was 3.

2. Camping with my family. I remember once when my brother was about 2...and just toilet trained. We were walking along a trail, and a huge wave came across and knocked him down before he could run across the puddle. He cried and cried and cried. When my parents finally calmed him down and told him it was just wanter, no big deal, he would dry...he cried out in the most pitiful saddest voice "I peed my pants!!!" We laugh and laugh at that still to this day.

3. Toboganning with my cousin Susan. My Aunt and Uncle live on a farm, and my cousin would take Brian and I to this HUGE hill up the road. It always felt like we were flying.

4. Road trips to camping. My mom would make up scavenger hunt lists of things for us to find. There was always a pink house, a red church, a black goat and a green water tower. Whenever I see any of those things I am always taken right back to my childhood.

5. Riding around the block on our bikes. And we lived in the country. That was a hella long bike ride. But it was fun. We would discover so much about each other.

6. Playing in the gravel pit with my friends. We would run and jump off the top and slide down these 50-100 foot hills. Crazy!!! but so much fun.

7. Playing basebell with My George. He was always SO encouraging...even though I am lousy at baseball.

8. my 12th birthday. My mom let us decorate my cake, and we ended up having an icing fight. It was hilarious. And way too sweet!! I'm not sure we had any cake after eating that much icing.

9. Fishing at my Dad's pond. It was just so relaxing. Even though, after 14 years of trying...I still haven't caught a fish!!

10. Skinny dipping in my dad's pond. With a few friends :) And someone mistaking my best friend's white underwear for her boyfriends bum :) She was mortified.

You know...I have been to Disneyworld, Epcot, Universal Studios. The CN Tower, Niagra Falls, Marine World and Canada's Wonderland. But it's the things done at the spur of the moment, with friends and family that really stand out for me.

~Lisa~

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth.

I have never been a good person for making important decisions. Especially when all the options SUCK. So, I tend to freak out a little...or, sometimes, a lot.

I have come to an agreement with Henry's Mom and Al. I will NOT quit my job. I WILL be giving up 4 hours every other Saturday for awhile.

Am I happy about it? Not really. Do I have any other choice? Not so much.

It just seems to be one of those weeks(months) when everything is against me. Mason has outgrown his infant car seat. Where is my convertible one? In my neighbours car. And where is my neighbour every time I need to take Mason somewhere? I DON'T KNOW. I have asked her many times now to bring it back. And she just called again, to say that she forgot to get hers out of her husbands truck, AGAIN...doesn't matter that I was PROMISED I would have it back by the end of the day. YESTERDAY! I can't wait to see the condition it comes back in. Ugh.

Al got his Vastectomy done on Friday. And we both moped all weekend about the children we won't have. Which is totally retarded, since we know that more children would be crazy, and expensive, and more that we can handle. Al's doing well. Still has some discomfort from the two stitches they had to put in (I guess he's a bleeder)...but other than that isn't complaining at all.

My panic attacks aren't as bad. Only had two since getting the prescription. I still need a vacation...but then, don't we all :)

I had a bad moment with a Freecycler yesterday. GRRR. I emailed to ask if her lot of Barbie clothes were still available. She said "Yes, they are. My address is Blah de Blah at the corner of Blah and Blah. There's a brown fence around the back." Which I took to mean, the items are yours, come get them. So I emailed to say I would be there between 3 and 4. No response. HAHAHAHAHA!! Fool. I get there, dodge the puppy poop strewn about on the walkway, and hold my breath while in they super gross, stinky, messy house. Only to be told "oh. I told Wendy she could have them, since she replied first." When I mentioned that she had sent her address, and told me they were still available, she had no reply. UGH!. I will not be dealing with her again. I even took it upon my bitchy self to email the site moderators. MWAHAHAHAHA! I was feeling particularly catty last night...apparently.

Mason, Aidan, Jenna and I all have colds. Which is certainly not helping anything. I need to figure out a way to tell our daycare lady that I am worried about how every time Aidan is there for even one day, he comes home with a runny nose. One of the other boys there has had a runny nose forever. It's Grrrrross. Any ideas?? I am afraid for Mason :(

Jenna had a birthday party at a friend's house yesterday :) It was so nice to get there and hear her Mom gush over how much her daughter talks about Jenna :) I was so worried about my girl being left out, and not making friends...turns out, she's quite the popular 4 year old :) Even a couple of the boys make a point in saying goodbye to her in the afternoon :)

Aidan is in LOVE with Buzz Lightyear!! I can't find any toys ANYWHERE though!!! I did find a birthday card at Wal-Mart yesterday. So I grabbed that. But no toys :( Of course, his obbsession with all things toys story means that every time he sees a dog he says "Stupid Dog". GREAT! not what I need from my 2 year old!!! LOL

So yeah, that's where we've been. I'm still a grumpy guss...but I am blaming lack of sleep and sunlight.

Love and hugs to all.

~Lisa~

So frustrated.

So, I mentioned in my last entry that I need to make a decision about working. Jenny feels that having Mason there is cutting into her day too much (It's 4 hours...but I am going to try not to be snarky about it...)

I talked to my baby sitter. She'll charge me $25 for the two boys for the 5 hours that they will be there. Which, yes, I know!! Hella good deal.

Until you figure in that I only make $15/hour ($60 a day). And drive 30 minutes there and home. So add about $10 for gas and wear and tear on the van.

I haven't worked for a month, between Christmas, Henry and his mom being sick, and their vacation to Florida. READ: OUCH.

I know...in my heart that it's totally not worth me working there and paying for a sitter. I know.

But I have finally found a job that I really and truly love.

And everyone else seems to think I'd be better off in Tim Hortons, serving coffee. Being miserable. (Side note...I applied there while in College and after having Jenna and never heard back...even THEY don't want me)

Oh yes ladies and gentlemen...it is NOT all sunshine and roses over here. Sure is not.

I want to yell and scream, and cry. But that's not going to do me one damn bit of good.

I NEED to make a decision. Stupid decisions...fuck everything up.

It's so stupid. I knew the day would come when Mason couldn't come with me. I just didn't think it through all the way I guess. 3 kids x babysitting = we's PO folk.

Anyway. This isn't helping. Gonna go sleep on it I guess.

~Lisa~

5 days, 5 people, 5 Doctor's appointments!!

Friday: Al had his follow up appointment with our family doctor. Who does Not believe that Al has an Ulcer!! woohoo!! He figures that because of the stress of Al's old job, it caused some gastric irritation(Or something like that...not sure of the real term). Good news :) He has finished his medication, and is feeling fine :) No heartburn, no racing to the bathroom :)

Saturday: Jenna has pink-eye. Off to the clinic for antibiotic eye drops for her.

Monday:Mason and Aidan. Mason had his 5 month well baby checkup and needle. He's getting SO big!! 19lbs 4oz. and 27.5" long!! Which means he has outgrown his infant car seat(WAH!! SOB!!) since ours is only good for up to 20lbs, or 26". I hate this transition when they're so little. he still falls asleep in his car seat, and it makes it so much easier getting him in and out. Shopping is going to be a huge challenge now. Not sure how I am going to work a cart, an infant who is not sitting up well enough for the front of the car, and a 2 year old that may or may not stay by my side in the store! WAH!!!
Aidan had a wart on his nose. But, since it seems to be getting better on it's own we don't need to do anything for it.

Which brings us to today: Me. I am indeed having panic attacks. While not fun, I AM glad to know that I am NOT having heart attacks, or going insane, or going to die. I have a prescription for Ativan. To take at the onset of an attack. I have also been ordered to take 20-30 minutes a day just for ME. Which is going to be weird...and hard. I am not used to being by myself. But it'll be good for me. I think on nice days I'll probably get out for a walk in the evenings. And when it's still too cold for comfort, I'll probably take a bath...or lounge in bed to read or something. Maybe I'll get a Sudoku book. I talked to my friend Karen, who suffers from anxiety. Her and I are going to go out one evening a week to Tim Hortons, or something like that. Just her and I :) I'm looking forward to that. We have been drifting apart lately, being so busy with our babies...it's time to rekindle that important relationship.

So, that's the update at our house. Other than the fact that Henry's mom doesn't want me bringing Mason with me to work anymore. Which is totally breaking my heart. I am so torn. While I knew this day would come, I had really hoped that he would be with me until at LEAST 6 months old. He's only 5 months :( I also am not sure if we can afford for me to be paying for Aidan and Mason to be in day care. And then come summer, all 3. But, I am pretty sure we also can't afford for me NOT to be bringing in some money. Here's to hoping that Stephen Harper (our new Prime Minister) will hold true to his promise of $1200/year/child under 6...and soon.

Blah. Too sad to think about right now :(

~Lisa~

Cinnamon Buns...A photo essay if you will.

So, Al decided this morning that he was craving CinnaBons. Which, in turn, led to ME craving them too! I remembered Crystal(Sorry, I haven't figured out how to link from here yet...any teachers out there?) had posted a recipe on her blog about Better than the Mall Cinnamon Buns. So, I printed it out, got the few ingredients I was missing from the grocery store, dug my breadmaker out from the fiery depths of the garage(GAH! HATE!)...and went to it...here's what turned out...

This is SO not the Weight Watchers version :) That's 1 cup of brown sugar on there ladies!!

All rolled up :)

All Sliced up :) (Ignore my icky looking baking pan...it's clean!!! HONEST!

35 Minutes later...all raised up...ready for the oven.

Straight from the oven. Hot, Cinnamon-y goodness :)

And the cream cheese icing...Oh...My...GOD!!! Heaven...absolute, eat-it-with-a-spoon GOODNESS!

Before...

About 9.2 seconds later.

The verdict??

YUM!! I can't say they are better than the Mall...but they are pretty damn good :)

~Lisa~

I did it...

I asked Al to make me an appointment with our Doctor.

I, very honestly, had considered not making an appointment. I'm shy, and stubborn, and proud(and not the good way proud). I was too embarrassed about my 'episodes' to call for myself. I'm afraid of looking like a failure. And then, yesterday when I was talking to Jes(My wonderful wonderful friend, whom I WILL meet someday!!!) I couldn't even talk about the attacks without having one. So that decided me. I can't go through life with three children being afraid of having an attack any time, anywhere.

I just wish i knew where these are coming from. I don't feel overly stressed...no more than I have been for months...in fact, I thought I was feeling LESS stressed, because Al has a new job, which he LOVES, I have had a break from working, between Henry and his Mom being sick, and their vacation to Florida. So really, what's to panic about!? I just don't know.

My mom offered a lot of ideas about the stress in my life last night. But those stresses are there all the time, and compared to other stressful times in my life, I'm on a frickin' picnic. I kinda got the impression she thinks this is all in my head, and I'm really fine.

but in reality...I am not so fine. I need to get out of the house more. I need a hobby or something.

I am quite confident that I am NOT suffering from postpartum depression. I do not feel sad, or disconnected from friends/family. I have no thoughts of causing injury to myself or anyone else. I am not crying at all, and my eating habits are normal...except for an increased desire for A LOT of chocolate :) This list for PPD goes on, but really, it doesn't fit me. The list of symptoms for Panic Anxiety Disorder does.

So, I will go to see my doctor on tuesday. And I will be brave as can be...and try not to cry LOL.

I really need to say thank you to the people that offered support, and concern. It means so much to me to know that I have people I can call or email. Love to you all.

~Lisa~

EWW!!!

OR!

In the name of all things gross...

I was holding Mason on my lap, snuggling him, and thinking he needs a bath, because he has been particularily barfy today. And I came up with a witty new nickname for him...Barfy McBarff!! HA!! I stood him up, nuzzled his squishy cheeks...

And then??? He barfed IN MY HAIR!!!

GAH!!!!!

And After THAT!? He looked at me with total innocent "I-am-a-baby-and-can-do-NO-wrong" Cuteness. And all was forgiven.

Still? Ew.

~Lisa~