I did it...

I asked Al to make me an appointment with our Doctor.

I, very honestly, had considered not making an appointment. I'm shy, and stubborn, and proud(and not the good way proud). I was too embarrassed about my 'episodes' to call for myself. I'm afraid of looking like a failure. And then, yesterday when I was talking to Jes(My wonderful wonderful friend, whom I WILL meet someday!!!) I couldn't even talk about the attacks without having one. So that decided me. I can't go through life with three children being afraid of having an attack any time, anywhere.

I just wish i knew where these are coming from. I don't feel overly stressed...no more than I have been for months...in fact, I thought I was feeling LESS stressed, because Al has a new job, which he LOVES, I have had a break from working, between Henry and his Mom being sick, and their vacation to Florida. So really, what's to panic about!? I just don't know.

My mom offered a lot of ideas about the stress in my life last night. But those stresses are there all the time, and compared to other stressful times in my life, I'm on a frickin' picnic. I kinda got the impression she thinks this is all in my head, and I'm really fine.

but in reality...I am not so fine. I need to get out of the house more. I need a hobby or something.

I am quite confident that I am NOT suffering from postpartum depression. I do not feel sad, or disconnected from friends/family. I have no thoughts of causing injury to myself or anyone else. I am not crying at all, and my eating habits are normal...except for an increased desire for A LOT of chocolate :) This list for PPD goes on, but really, it doesn't fit me. The list of symptoms for Panic Anxiety Disorder does.

So, I will go to see my doctor on tuesday. And I will be brave as can be...and try not to cry LOL.

I really need to say thank you to the people that offered support, and concern. It means so much to me to know that I have people I can call or email. Love to you all.

~Lisa~