I love watching...

My husband with my children. He's reading to them right now, and it's such a heart warming sight. He sings, he changes voices, he acts parts out, and the kids just love it.

And I do too.

~Lisa~

Why on EARTH would a pregnant woman tell another pregnant woman that she's "Huge" that "there's no small baby in a belly like that" that she "hardly looks pregnant next to a belly that big". Why!?

I try not to get too upset over the 'big' comments. they are bound to happen. I accept that. however...it's hard to hear about a dozen comments like that, over a one hour period, from someone else that is pregnant!!! I am hurt. I really am. And it's bugging me that I feel this way.

I came back with all of my usual comments "Well, I have done this a few times now, and the body remembers, and gets bigger faster" and "I don't exactly have 6 pound babies you know." Or just silence, while everyone else laughed.

When what I really wanted to say was, well, maybe if I smoked a million cigarettes a day I could have stunted my baby's growth too. And, maybe if I made my meals from chocolate and chips all the time, I would have had a small "perfect" belly too. Or perhaps I should have chosen to not eat like you did. Or maybe I should have lived on coffee as my main source of liquid intake...that might have helped HUH???

But NO. I chose to have the relatively healthy meals, evenly spaced out. I chose to have water, and juice. I chose to indulge in snacks rarely. I chose to try to grow a strong healthy baby.

All I can do now if pray that her baby does come out healthy. I pray for this, because I just KNOW that if, God Forbid, anything were to be wrong, I would feel SO insanely guilty for all of my thoughts.

Forgive me for taking it personally. And forgive me for thinking so badly of you. Whom I have know for 7 months.

~Lisa~

I don't call it "Nesting"...

I call it "Oh crap, my mother is going to be here taking care of my kids soon, and my linen closet is a mess"!

Seriously. I spent 15 minutes this afternoon organinging my "Sheet Shelf". refolding sheets and pillowcases. Sorting out the sets. And restocking the shelf. I think it's an illness, really.

Next is the "Towel Shelf". I didn't know I had so many tea towels!!

Thank God I have a few weeks before the baby arrives. I still need to tackle the fridge, tupperware cupboard, kids closets, cd rack, junk drawers, and kids dressers...not to mention the toys!!

Hmm...is that the Flylady calling my name?!

When my mother was here helping me out after Aidan was born, she cleaned. I mean, she organized cupboards and closets, put away papers, dusted, and vacuumed vacuumed vacuumed. It was bad. So bad that I eventually had to ask her to stop. I felt like such a horrid house keeper every time she started on something else, that I would cry, while she organized the baby's closet. Yeah...THAT bad!

Ugh. off to do the Towel Shelf.

~Lisa~

I cleaned!!

Phew!! What one forgotten Bell technician housecall can do for a messy house!

I awoke this morning, alone in my bed, and with no little finger poking me in the back. I was blissfully alone, and the clock read nearly 7 AM!! WOOHOO!!!!

however, as I took a quiet moment to wake up, I looked around my room...my very messy room. Embarassingly messy :( And a thought came to the back of my mind...recalling a comment Al had made Monday night "That tech from Bell is coming on Wednesday, we'll have to get the bedroom cleaned up tomorrow night." And then it occured to me...the night before had been filled with car cursing, Big Brother and Rock Star INXS watching and a visit from my neighbour. Most certainly NOT with cleaning. Crap.

So, I got out of bed, came down, checked BZ, and a couple blogs. Turned on the news. Jenna woke up, and I got our breakfast. scarfed that down, and back up I went. Putting my hair up, and wearing pants to hide my mildly hairy legs. And then I got down to business. All the laundry made it to the laundry room. With a silent prayer that Stinky Stan (the tenant in the basement) wouldn't want to be doing any laundry during the day today...where the hell does it all come from!? (In my defense, I took all our sheets, and a couple comforters that needed freshening up...making the pile seem much larger, Maybe I am nesting?? NAH!)

Aidan wakes up, I get his breakfast, and dress Jenna. Back up I go get new sheets from the linen closet...they don't match, how does that happen? Who cares, they're close, and make the bed. Ahh...i LOVE clean sheet day. Resist the urge to try it out.

Aidan is done his cereal, and has washed my table with milk...great...not in the plan LOL.

Dress Aidan, and bustle the children off to the babysitter...thank God that she lives on the same street, and that I don't have to be at work until 10!...it's 8:40.

Check the boards again. lol...have some cereal.

Back at it. I cleared the crap off my dresser, then decided it seemed strange to have a dresser with nothing on it. So, I scour the living room. And managed to find 6 picture frames. Most with pictures even, to go upon my dresser. I love it! I feel like a much better mother now, having pictures of her children, best friend and husband on her dresser :)

And i gave in. I was having a silent debate with my husband...meaning, he had no clue I was debating with him LMAO. He hasn't put away any of his clean laundry for about a month now. I keep washing the dirty stuff, and adding it to the pile...hoping he'll get the hint...but no. I was a good wife, and I put it all away for the big lug. All that was really left to do when i left for work was to vacuum! I was so proud of me :)

So, the bell guy comes, and he can't do anything until we have written permission from the landlord. DAMMIT! I wanted to gouge his eyes out and scream..."YOU MEAN I CLEANED LIKE A MAD WOMAN FOR NOTHING!?" LMAO...

Oh well, Alvin will be impressed, we'll all have clean clothes, and to top it all off...it's clean sheet day.

~Lisa~

Update on the Blue Beast

Which is what we affectionately call Alvin's car. He occasionally likes to call it the Blue Boiler...no AC.

Well, the rumours were not true, but the alternator has been repaired! $100. So, not what i was hoping for, but definitely better than Canadian Tire. Phew!

~Lisa~

When it rains...

And it's been doing a lot of that the past couple days...it pours.

Poor Alvin's car. The alternator went on it last night. Well, at least that's what he thinks...but then informs me this morning that it may just be some negative ground wire whatchamacallit thingy. My words, not his.

We can get a new one from Canadian Tire for $300. Uh, OUCH!! But, let's all keep out fingers crossed, and hope that the $50, same day rebuild rumour is true at the place near where he works.

On the other hand, there is some goodish news. The bank approved us for getting a van. So, we go tomorrow night to sign the papers.

Now, with a third child on the way, and all our kids in car seats, we really had very little choice in upgrading to a bigger vehicle. Unfortunately, Al has become rather attached to the car dealer that found us our car, and gave us such a great deal on it. And unfortunately, the only van this guy could find us was a GMC Safari. I hate those vans. they are gigantic, and boxy, and just plain ugly :( I hate to be so superficial about the whole thing...but I wanted to trade my nice pretty green Malibu, for a nice pretty van. To carry around my nice pretty family. No such luck.

Oh well. At least we can fit the whole family in. And all our camping gear. And goodness knows what else.

Sigh...I hate the rain sometimes.

~Lisa~

Onto the next challenge.

Wow, one day after my biggest challenge ends, comes another. In the form of the tiniest 2 1/2 year old I've ever seen. My task is to try to toilet train her. ACK. I'm so nervous about this one.

There's so many things against me here.
1. She doesn't know me, we've only met a couple times.
2. I don't know her likes and dislikes.
3. Her mother is really hard to talk to...not much for conversation.
4. I'm afraid to fail.
5. I have no idea if her mother has been trying to train her, or if I am starting a very intesive program with a totally reistant child.

Should be an interesting couple of hours.

~Lisa~

A little poem.

I'm tired of needing to pee.
I'm tired of needing to wee.

I'm tired of the rush.
I'm tired of the flush.

I'm tired of the bladder pain.
I'm tired of not feeling sane.

I'm tired of getting up in the night.
I'm tired of my pants getting too tight.

I'm tired of needing to pee.
I'm tired of needing to wee.

~Lisa~
34 weeks and 6 days pregnant.

The End of That Chapter.

Today was the last day for me to work with Logan. I hate hate hate to say it, but it was bittersweet for me.

While on one hand, I am sad to be leaving him, on the other, I'm not sad at all.

You see, Logan has been quite the challenge for me. He's a bull, there's no moving him once he's got an idea. There were days that I just wanted to hang my head and cry because I just couldn't get through to him. There were days when I came home with bruises, and I will always have a memory of him on my right wrist. I took him to a restaurant shortly after I started working with him. Foolish me. He kept running from the table(Thank God we were the only people in there!!) and one time when I reached out to grab him he turned into Edward Scissorhands and gouged my arm. Leaving a permanent scar on my wrist.

He also did poorly with his work. He never made it past the letter A, or the number One. I am so ashamed to admit that. But no matter what I tried, he just didn't excel in a lot of areas. I hope his new Therapist will be able to help him more. He made me feel like such a poor therapist. Like I was wasting our time, and his parents money.

But, I know his mother needed the break. Understandably so. So, week after week I went. I prayed that he would have a break through...and week after week it was pretty much the same. And his mother was grateful for the 3-4 hours she got to do her own thing, and I was grateful for getting paid. I felt very young going there. Too young to be qualified.

Things did improve over time with his behaviour. He stopped trying to chew and pull on my clothes. he stopped scratching me, and hallelujah, he even stopped hitting me!! He would take his hands out of his mouth with a look(God how that bothered me!) And he eventually would sign to me to communicate. He said a new word when I was working with him!! One. that was his word. We were working on his receptive number one...I said, like every other time before "Logan, show me Number One" And all of a sudden, he says, in his unsteady, unsure voice "Ooooonne". I think I did cry that day! And it was one of the rare days that his mother got excited after I gave her a run down of his day!

I cried today. When saying goodbye. I don't know why...I guess it's what I do. His mother was so nice to me. She gave my daughter a gift for her birthday...and they never even met. And she gave me a gift card to the mall as a thank you gift when I left. I was touched. I'll miss chatting with her. But, she has promised to keep in touch, even said she would love to come visit me in the hospital after the baby is born :) I hope she does.

So, that's it for that Chapter in my life. On to another day. Another client. Another challenge.

~Lisa~

21 gophers

That's how many we counted on the way home from Walmart last night. Can you imagine?? What is this city coming to? Where did they all come from? What is thier purpose here?

I just couldn't believe my eyes. We've seen the odd one here and there before, but never in this copious amount all at once!

So Strange.

~Lisa~

Aww...thanks Dad!!

So, my Dad is a man of few words. The best compliment he can ever muster is "It's okay". I swear. On my wedding day, I walked out, all dolled up, feeling beautiful, and I said to my dad "Well? What do you think?" his response "It's okay" With a shrug of his shoulders. But it meant a lot to me :)

So today, he and my step-mom are over for a visit. I was showing him pictures, and we came across one of me, from a month ago. He looks, and says, "I don't think you've gained anything since then!!" **Pick up jaw from floor** I explained that I had definitely gained weight...and he says "Well, you certainly don't look any bigger to me."

Awww!!! Thanks Dad.

~Lisa~

I love my daughter.

I love that she has an attitude.

I love that she still wants to cuddle.

I love that she is willing to give up anything for others.

I love that she trys to tell knock knock jokes.

I love that she trys soooo hard to get her way.

I love when she just listens to what she's told.

I love her artistic abilities.

I love her willingness to give her brother her toys.

I love that she runs to me when i get home from work.

I love that she loves Tinkerbell too.

I love that she trys to tell me her secrets.

I love that she always dreams of rainbows and ponies.

I love that she is so inquisitive(Okay, she's actually just plain nosy:) But I love that too.)

I love that instead of saying T U V for her alphabet, she says P U B.

I love that she tries hard to make us smile and laugh.

I love that she will just sit and rub my back when I cry.

I love her for her beautiful skin.

I love her for getting over her fear of dogs...for the most part :)

I love that she still holds my hand.

I love the way she loves me.

I love my daughter.

~Lisa~

I love my son.

There really is nothing like a good ole Mama's boy :)

I love that he will get up from playing, run to me, grab on tight and say "I You Mommy"

I love that he pats his little boy hand against my back when he hugs me.

I love that he wails "Mommmmmyyyyyy" when he's hurt.

I love that he calls out "Mommy, W'are you?" when he wakes up in the morning.

I love that when I was breastfeeding him, he would search out some bare skin, either on my back or arm, to rub.

I really love it that he still does that when we're cuddling before he goes to bed.

I love that he says "Mommy?" Like he has a very important question to ask me...even though he's just delaying my departure from his room at naptime and bedtime.

I love that his hair is still so baby soft.

I love that he has my eyes.

I love that he is stubborn, and sweet, all at the same time.

I love that I can already see he is kind, and caring towards others.

I love the way he runs to me and says "Cheese" in this super cute way whenever he sees the camera.

I love his manners.

I love the way he says "Juice Tup".

I love that he is still little enough to cuddle.

I love that he is big enough to wrestle.

I love this age he is at, where he is learning sooo much every day.

I love that he needs me for so much.

I love that he can play on his own.

I love that he loves me.

I love my son.

~Lisa~

ONE more month!

And I will be holding my third baby!! I can't believe the time is almost here. It seems like no time at all!

Still no real movement on the Boy name issue. We tried last night. Al suggested Mason. I like it, it's a nice name, strong. But I'm just not sure. Mason McAlendin?? too many M A N's I'm thinkin'. I still really like Devon. I bet I get my way this time :) I won't have gone through hours and hours and hours of labour to the point of exhaustion...at which time I give in and let Al name the kids LOL...no sir, not this time!! I'll be bright eyed and alert. Like I said, I bet I get my way.

Wow. one more month.

100 Things about me.

I hate to be a copy cat, but well...I like this idea :)

1. I am 25
2. But I don't think I look it.
3. Despite the crows feet at the corners of my eyes.
4. I'm a worrier.
5. Mostly about what other people's opinions are.
6. I have Blue eyes.
7. I think I like them best about all of me.
8. I love to read.
9. But I hate it when a book ends.
10. I think my hands look like they are 25.
11. I like to think I earned them :)
12. I'm going to be a mother of 3 in 1 month and a day.
13. That Really scares me.
14. I wonder if I should talk to my doctor about stress management.
15. But I worry about what he might think of me if I did.
16. I lost my virginity at 13.
17. I've regretted it ever since.
18. I'm absent-minded.
19. I have many friends.
20. But I'm not too sure which to call my BEST friend.
21. I went to 2 different colleges.
22. And never did anything with my diploma.
23. I met my husband at college.
24. I knew the first time he hugged me that I would marry him :)
25. I had to wait 4 months for him to realize that :)
26. I think he was worth the wait.
27. I have a mole on my tummy.
28. My finger nails peel.
29. I had my tongue pierced at 19.
30. No one believed I would actually go through with it.
31. I love gerbera daisies.
32. My favourite number is 7.
33. I watch too much TV.
34. I hope that my children will think of me as a good mother when they are older.
35. I'm not the greatest housekeeper.
36. I make a mean mac 'n cheese.
37. I can't pronounce Chiropractor.
38. I say it Chior-Practer.
39. My worst nightmare ever was about wolves chasing me.
40. I took piano lessons as a kid.
41. I can barely read music anymore.
42. I've had a one night stand...in the middle of the day.
43. I went to church for awhile.
44. But I never really felt like I belonged there.
45. I'd like to go back someday.
46. I like to sing along to the radio when I'm alone in the car.
47. I have trouble talking about myself sometimes.
48. Which is why i am having a hard time with this list.
49. I'm not good at making decisions.
50. The farthest i have ever travelled is to England.
51. I used to have hair halfway down my back.
52. I think I like it shorter :)
53. I like to think I am good in bed.
54. Al never seems to complain :)
55. But I wish my sex drive would match his again.
56. We used to have sex many times a day.
57. I don't like the way my cheeks puff out when I smile.
58. I like to bake.
59. I once kissed a girl.
60. I liked it.
61. My husband talked about it forever.
62. I wish I found myself more attractive, in a sexy kind of way.
63. I have very freckley(is that a word?) shoulders.
64. I hate wearing sunscreen.
65. I really hate the way my breasts look.
66. I used to wear contacts.
67. I think I look good in black t-shirts.
68. I believe that everything happens for a reason.
69. I believe that we get many warnings before the really bad stuff happens.
70. I love helping children.
71. I like making a difference in the lives of the children I work with.
72. They have Autism.
73. It's a frustrating job sometimes.
74. I like chocolate ice cream the best.
75. I wear size 9 shoes.
76. I'm content where I am.
77. I probably need to stir it up a bit more.
78. When out with other adults, I mainly talk about my kids.
79. I find it easier than the deeper issues that I don't really understand.
80. I wish i could be more to more people.
81. I am Lazy.
82. I make excuses.
83. I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
84. And the smell outside a bakery.
85. I just posted this by accident, and now have to finish it quick.
86. I haven't told my husband about my blog.
87. Mainly because of the two posts I have about him on here.
88. I still worry that he's read them anyway.
89. My mom and I are very close.
90. Maybe she's my best friend?
91. I like coffee.
92. But I prefer tea.
93. I'm not a very strong swimmer.
94. My phobia is falling down through a man-hole cover.
95. I will NOT walk over them.
96. I wonder how much weight I will lose after the Bean is born?
97. I wonder why I care so much what other people think of me.
98. I'd like to be able to share my feelings more.
99. I'm hoping this blog will help me a little.
100. I did it!!

A brag about Jenna :)

Jenna loves to draw. I mean LOVES it. And she's actually pretty good too :) She drew the cat the other day. Complete with his claws, tail and pointy ears.

And today...she was asked to draw a picture of a family, or a picture showing how a mommy loves her kids. She was asked by a friend, for a friend, who is starting a counselling service for parents who adopt children with seperation issues. If she can draw a picture to suit this lady's taste, it will be going on a lot of her paperwork :) Brochures, pamphlets, letterhead(Maybe) etc.

The look of pride, and excitement on my 4 year old's face was probably the most beautiful I have ever seen her. She knew what an important job she was being given, and she set out right away to complete her task...with gusto. I'll have to send a bill for computer paper at the end of the night :)

I can't wait to see all the pictures she comes up with. And even if none are chosen for this lady's new venture...I will never be more proud of my daughter for getting noticed at such a young age, for her talent, her ability, and her willingness to help out anyone that she can.

~Lisa~

Just a little neighbourly vent.

Ugh. I understand the need to water lawns. I don't understand the need to do it in the middle of the day, when the scorching sun is going to dry up more than will make it to the roots of the grass...but whatever.

And what i really don't understand...why the need to have it on so high, that I have to move my car in order to get my kids in, without getting soaked!! AND to top it all off...the water beating against my windshield has left watermarks, and they won't wash off with my windsheild washer fluid!! Makes for interesting driving in the midday sun let me let ya!

Darn inconsiderate neighbour. Makes it even harder when his wife is one of my best friends :(

~Lisa~

Baby Update

Well, I went to see about my blood sugars yesterday, and ended up having a full appointment. Weight gain is still on track...except that I am only 1 pound from having gained 30 pounds :P Gotta stop eating those Pizza pops!!! BP is on the rise, but that always seems to happen 130/80. No one seemed overly concerned with it, so I guess I won't be either.

The (not so) big news is that they think the baby might be breech! That's a new one for me. Both Jenna and Aidan were sunny side up. Well, Aidan got himself turned a little, but not enough...he was facing my hip when the doctor pulled him out. Anyway, since I am having another c-section it doesn't really matter which way the baby is facing this time around. Kinda sucks though...I bet if I was going to have a vaginal birth that they would give me another ultrasound. I am SO getting ripped off :)

They also aren't concerned with my blood sugar. I just have to eat some candy if I find myself feeling off. That's it.

~Lisa~

Jenn made me beautiful!!!

Would you look at that?! Never in a million years did I think there would be a picture of myself that I would absolutely fall in love with! But alas, it has happened.

There I am. 34 weeks pregnant...and feeling like a giant...but it's not so obvious in this picture :) Niether is my off centred belly button(trust me, it's very strange. About an inch off centre! I swear!) nor are the yucky stretch marks which have covered my belly. No double chin, and no arm wobble are visible either. Just amazing :)

I love Jenn :) And Julie for talking me into it...and for letting Jenn take over the camera. Although, I still haven't seen the shots that Julie took, so maybe I love Julie too! LOL...well, of course I do! She's an incredible woman...anyone would be lucky to have her as a friend.

So a definite thank you goes to my beautiful friends, Jenn and Julie. For making a dull day dreamy :)

~Lisa~

It's hard to not BE enough.

It's hard to realize, that after 4 years, and 11 months of marriage, that after two children (Almost 3!), that after much heartache, determination, and all the love a girl can muster...that you're just not enough.

Let me explain. I am 8 months pregnant. In a mere one month and 3 days, I will be having yet another baby. And that baby will be no peanut let me tell you. I have big babies. Therefore, I get big. I get uncomfortable. I can't sleep, I can't roll over, I can't get comfortable. Many of the things I normally enjoy become a chore for me. Going for walks with my children, sitting for too long, standing for too long. Sleeping on my back or tummy. And, of course, sex with my husband. It's this last one that is making my heart ache, and my eyes leak.

It seems like every night, he comes on to me, becomes suggestive, makes his intentions known. And every night that I don't agree...he turns to the computer.

I can be on the couch, whether sleeping or not, and he's on the computer, about 8 feet away from me. Looking at porn. I understand that it happens. I understand that it's his outlet, or whatever. What I don't think I understand is why it has to be every night.

Why can't he just UNDERSTAND? Why can't he just roll over in bed, and cuddle with me, or rub my back? Why does he feel the need to "Not be tired anymore" come downstairs and look at even more porn?

He does try to cover his tracks. I'll give him that much. He's chosen different search engines to look up his favourite stuff. Smart...but he didn't clear the history. Not even one time.

He let me fall asleep on the couch last night. I finally woke up at 11:25, stiff as hell. he had just gotten off the computer. I walked past him said "goodnight, I'm going to bed now" and off I went. He comes storming up after me demanding to know what my "Problem" is? Why couldn't I tell him??? Why couldn't I let him know how hurt this is making me? All I could say was that I was tired and wanted to go to sleep.

He left the room then, took his pillow and alarm clock. Then proceeded to stomp around. He did take out the garbage, so that was a nice change. Cleaned the cat's little box too. Hmm...feeling guilty?? When he finally returned, and demanded answers, I still couldn't say anything about it. The closest I could get was to tell him that he was paranoid...that nothing was wrong.

I guess I feel like it's my fault for denying him all the time. That I am being selfish, and what else is he supposed to do?

But it still hurts.

~Lisa~