No Throttling occured here today

Well, it's all said and done and over for now. And there was no under-educated, under-qualified diagnoses offered today. Mason was brilliant :) I love that boy :) He didn't flick a light switch or line up a car once!! Phew!

She managed to do a more formal assessment of him, and came to the conclusion that WOW! He DOES have receptive language! shocking. **Rolling my eyes here** He is on the low side compared to the average, or just below average, but I'm okay with that, and take responsibility that perhaps I focus on getting his speech improved, and have let his language fall behind a bit. But, now that I am aware, you bet that we'll be working on prepositions and 2-3 step instructions :) (also plays in here the fact that he's the last baby, and sometimes it's just easier to do things for him instead of asking him to do tasks that I need to have done quickly. We'll work on it :))

She said that he definitely has speech and language delays, and also social delays. I'm not sure where I am on that one quite yet. I mean, he's only just 3, and he and C, who we invited to play for the assessment (as requested by Carmen), were parallel playing quite a bit I thought. Mason's eye contact was very low today. Which is a definite social red flag. But then at the end, when she was going over things, she said that his eye contact with C was low...but Mason spent a lot of the time trying to show Carmen things, and interact with her...so I don't know what she was basing her opinion on there. We'll work on that too. AND! When I gave Cory a snack Mason wanted the same thing, and wanted to leave the table where he was working with Carmen, so that he could sit with Cory. Seems pretty social to me...but I don't know... he also spends a lot of time doing his own thing.

I can't wait to get her report. My doctor is getting a copy as well. So I want to set up an appointment with him to go over everything that we've been through the past few months and see what his opinion on all of this is. To see if we need some sort of assessment done.

Al made a good point last night when I was talking about how I thought Mason's eating (or lack thereof) was sensory. Al pointed out that I have a lot of sensory issues as well. I can't stand pudding, because of how it feels in my mouth. I won't touch cotton balls because of the way they 'squeak' in between my fingers. I've been known to cut the tags off my shirts, especially the ones sewn into the side of the shirt. I don't do great with a lot of mixed media noises. like if the TV and radio are on, and then the kids are being loud, it drives me nuts. There's more, but this is supposed to be about Mason :) So, I'm in some ways leaning towards having him tested for Sensory Integration Disorder.

She is recommending him for the speech program (no surprise). That will start in a couple weeks. We are also going on the waiting list for him to get a resource teacher, who will be able to go into his pre-school and discuss ideas and therapies with them to work on with him while he's at school. I'm happy about that one, especially since he'll need that resource teacher when he gets into Kindergarten next year, and hopefully we won't have to get onto another waiting list for that!!

So, I think that's about it. Until I get her report, I won't know what our next step is really.

Scared today

Mason has his in-home speech assessment with Carmen today. I'm terrified about what she's going to say this time. I'm worried that she has this preconceived notion about Mason, and is going to assess him using that :( I'm really hoping that she's more professional than that...but I'm not convinced.

I'll update when it's all over. But in the mean time, I'd love some positives thoughts for Mason. And perhaps Carmen so I don't throttle her if she crosses the line again :)

Because I can't stop looking at them...

I just HAVE to add the cakes I made for this weekend. I am in LOVE with the face of the Baby Einstein caterpillar :)






From these two orders, I got a repeat order from the woman who ordered the Hannah Montana cake. She wants a Lightning McQueen for her son in November, and I got an order for a Finding Nemo cake from the woman that I made the Elmo cake for last year :) I can't believe that I have a very real chance of making this a business!!

Lost in conversation

Last night the kids for some reason were discussing how Humans came to be on earth. Jenna's theory is that we were dinosaurs, and just changed to look like humans. Aidan's was a little more indepth.... First we were dinosaurs, and then we were birds. After that we were squirrels, and then Humans.

Take that Darwin! (And God?)

And later when I was at the grocery store, there was a couple there, and she was probably about 7-8 months pregnant. We were leaving the store, and I overheard her say to her husband, "So, 30 bucks for 112 diapers, how long do you think that will last?" He replies, completely straight-faced, "I don't know, like, 2 days?" and then broke out in a huge grin :) It made me miss that feeling of becoming a parent for the first time, and how everything is so new and strange, and exciting :)

However, after the day I have with C yesterday (the 1 year old), I am well aware of the reasons why we stopped having babies :)

Note to self..

When you look online and see how much cake batter is needed for a 10" round, 2 layer cake, DO Not bake it all in one pan. Your stove is CRAP, and you will end up with a burned outer layer, and runny middle.

off to cry into my cake batter coated dishes now.

Thrilled! And Stuff

Mason had school today. Both of his teachers made a point of searching me out and telling me what a wonderful day Mason had!! They even had a fire drill (Which, Hi! Coulda warned me!) and they both said he handled it really well!! Phew!! I am so happy that we were able to put him into pre-school. I just can't imagine him having to figure out this process with 20 other kids next year. Especially if the school is as disorganized next year as it was this year!

Speaking of that. I'm so grateful that Jenna and Aidan are so adaptable. Jenna was switched into a different class, a 1-2 split class (which she thinks is great, since she gets to be bossy to the grade ones :)), and I love because she has the same teacher as last year, and she's a brilliant teacher!! Aidan has had two different teachers, been switched from A days to B days, endured having 3 classes crammed together into 2 classrooms while they wait for the kindergarten portable to be brought in, and is so popular, that his best friend's Mom switched her son from a different day, and then to a different class so that he would be with Aidan! :) I can't imagine what a hell of a time the teachers are having right now, trying to keep up with everything, learning the names and then the new names, and having to deal with the shuffling of classrooms!

Our school is the over-flow school for Barrie. So we get kids from all over the city in order to make room for everyone. The big hassle this year is that the city decided to close one of the public schools, because it was going to cost too much to repair it, and bring it up to date. So we have all those kids at our school this year, until another school is built and ready for next year. crazy.

Also crazy is my week. Mason has school Monday and Wednesday, I have TWO cakes orders (one pretty big), and to top it all off, I took on a 1 year old in my daycare this week!! Now, he's a great baby, and totally cute, but his schedule is waaaaay different than ours, so it's gonna be a little difficult wither adapting to him, or having him adapt to us. I'm really hoping for the latter, since he'll be here 4 or 5 days a week! It's fun having a baby around again :) He fell asleep in my arms this afternoon. I miss that. I don't have the ache in my arms that I used to get when I wanted to have another baby of my own, but it definitely felt nice having him there :) Actually, it's his cake that I am making :) No pressure huh?! Talk about a test...here, care for my child, who is on a whacked schedule, pick up and drop off a gazillion other kids throughout the day, oh, and while you're at it, can you whip together one of these???


No pressure huh??

McAlendin Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

McAlendin Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

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MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Free family history - Family reunion

I have a fairy Godmother ;)

And because of her, every Monday and Wednesday morning I get to take Mason to the most wonderful place in the world..Pre-School. He's been 4 days now and just Loves it there :)

We were advised by the speech therapist at the hospital (the evil one) that Pre-School might be a very good idea for Mason. I happen to have a friend that is a pre-school teacher, so I tackled her in the school yard one day, and begged her to Please let Mason go to her school. Please! She laughed at me, called me crazy (the nerve huh?) and said they had Lots of spaces available, and that the info night was the next night! Whew, cut it close there. So, I went, got the info, got depressed over the initial price, and then down swooped my Fairy Godmother, and granted a wish so important to me that I'll never be able to thank her enough. Ever.

So, Mason's first day there was okay. He ran in without looking back, and seemed thrilled to be there. When I went to pick him up, it was a different story :( His teachers said he'd had a really hard time sitting in circle, and preferred to do his own thing. (Eek) So, they said they would brainstorm, and try to come up with ideas on ways to keep him in circle. Apparently they are brilliant brainstormers there :)

What they did for Mason was give him a little squishy ball. And when he's sitting in circle, he gets to hold it. But when he leaves, he loses the ball. It's worked Great for him! So great in fact that he didn't even need it for the second circle time today!!!!

And in even better news, S told me that she can't believe the change in him! She said from that first day to now, he seems like a completely different kid! I've noticed big changes too :) His speech has Exploded!! To the point where, when we were at my Mom's for her annual corn roast this past weekend, I didn't interpret ANYTHING he said for anyone! Not a single thing!! I didn't have to endure the looks of "Man, there's is something Wrong with this kid!" or the puzzled "What the hell is he saying to me!?" look either! It was sooo nice. He was friendly, and pleasant, he played with everyone, and answered questions from the adults. In times past, with a huge group like that it would have been SO hard for him to function. I am SO proud of my little boy :)

When I was talking to my Dad last night, even he was understanding Mason over the phone! He thought it was Aidan talking! We have our dreaded home visit from Carmen on the 30th, and I am kinda looking forward to it :) I can't wait to show her how he's changed in a month!

In other news, Jenna is doing terrific in school. Aidan is so popular that another Mom switched her son's school days so he would be going on the same day as Aidan! Al is having a hard time at work, and that worries me. He and a few other of the drivers got together and asked for a union to come in. So not it seems as though there's a hit out on his head :( As much as I want their working conditions to improve, and the pay to be higher, if it means that Al loses his job, or isn't being respected at work, it's SO not worth it. Maybe you could keep positive thoughts going his way. He could certainly use them right now :)

And that's us! Oh wait! Me! ummm...I'm just Happy that Mason is doing so well right now. And I am adding a 1 year old to my daycare next week. (Yikes!) AND!! I have TWO paid cake orders for next weekend!! Woot Woot!

That's all :)

Dear Aidan,

Being the middle child, I sometimes get the feeling that you're getting ripped off. That you don't get all the credit or attention you deserve. So this my son, is for you.

I was just downstairs doing laundry. Taking your clothes from the washer to the dryer. And I was not surprised to find a collection of small stones in the bottom of the washing machine. They brought a smile to my face. And today, instead of handing them back to you, or throwing them back outside, I looked at them. And I saw those stones in a different light. In the way that you must have seen them when you chose to add them to your collection. I saw the one that is solid, and brown, with darker brown spots on it. Much like the skin of the frogs you love so much. I saw the smooth flat black one, that had a solid deep dark black line running through it. It looked beautiful, and unique, like you. I saw the one that seemed ordinary, and gray...until I held it, and saw the way it glittered in the light. I saw the pink one, and I know in my heart that you chose it for your sister. I love that about you buddy.

I get more positive comments on you than I do your siblings (Shhh, don't tell them :)) I hear so often that people want to take you home with them, or want to see the world from your eyes, because you are so imaginative, and dramatic, and passionate about everything you do. I see the smiles on people's faces when you're acting silly in effort to impress someone, or get their attention. I know the way you work your way into their hearts, with your simple "Hi, my name's Aidan. And this is my sister Jenna, and my little brother Mason". It gets them every time. The way you would so willingly put your hand into the mother's of Jenna's friends when we would walk to school when you were little. People just seem to Get you, and accept you, and love you, no matter what you're or where we're going.

I hope that you always keep your passion...but I hope that you find a way to control your tears, because buddy...it's not going to work for you much longer :) I hope your spirit stays strong, and that you do great things in your life, because baby, if anyone can, it's going to be you. Keep practicing those hand stands, and try not to get too tired when you colour okay?? Because someday, I'd really love to see the kind of art you may create if you would just put your mind to it :) I'd love to hear a story that you write, because like your father, I think you'll be a brilliant author if you try :) Or maybe it's acting you'll excel at. You've always been the most expressive of the bunch :)

I may not save all the stones you bring home. But I will carry the memory of them. Thank you Aidan. You make the sun shine everywhere you go. And I am so blessed to be your Mommy.

It's not that I didn't have something to blog about....

It's that I was being a completely lazy blogger :)

I could have written about this...



But I was too busy packing lunches, and brushing hair, and organizing backpacks, and laying out clothes, and signing agendas, and writing on labels :) I realized this week why I wasn't excited about back to school like All the other Mom's I know. It's because it's HARD dude!! I have to get up earlier, and be SO much more organized. If there's one thing I've learned about the school year, it's to make the lunches the night before!!! Now, ask me how many times I have already implemented that little gem this year?? HA! One :( Well, at least I still have another 10 months minus one week to get back on track with that right? :)

I could have written about going to see a pre-school for Mason. And about being way down in the dumps, because we just can't swing the tuition right away. (We'd have to pay the first 2 months, plus a meeting fee, plus an administration fee...ouch :( ) If we had thought of sending him sooner, it wouldn't be a problem, but to pay out that much right now, after coming off a summer where I didn't make half the money I had originally thought I would, it's just not an option. Still have some avenues to go down in regards to that though, so we're not giving up on it entirely.

I could have written about the fact that my Mom said she would babysit for an entire weekend while Al and I went on a couples therapy retreat. but when I mentioned that I wasn't sure if we were still going because I have a 1 year old starting that week, and there's no way his mother will be able to get here in time for us to make it to the retreat in time for the start, but that maybe my Mom could still take the kids...she laughed.(Sorry 'bout the run on sentence there) I am so unbelievably hurt. My brother's son lives there. They have a built in babysitter anytime they want. I asked for Nothing this summer from my Mom, in anticipation of this one weekend. And she won't do it if we aren't going to the retreat. I'm really getting the feeling that she's afraid of Mason. Which makes me hesitant to share with her about any of his trials or triumphs. and that hurts. it hurts too much to write about.

But I will share with you that Mason had an incredible week for his speech!!! He said to me a couple nights ago, after I told him to go pee, "No, first I brush a teeth" (He often replaces the word Me with A). :) I was SO happy to hear such a strong sentence. He's getting better at his "I want" requests too, which is really helping both of us...except when it's the 5th time that day that he's said "I want a free-gee" (freezie) :) Because he's not so good at accepting the fact that Mommy has limits :) God bless the makers of sugar free lollypops though!!!

And I will definitely share with you the beautiful friend I have in Julie Bo Bolie :) She so graciously offered up the DVD copying skills of her husband (shhhhh!!!!!) and he copied a slew of the Signing Time DVD's for us. All 5 of us are picking up the sign language faster than I ever dreamed possible. Although, I find I am getting frustrated with myself, for not becoming more fluent, faster :) I suppose it would be different if we were a family dealing with a deaf child. We have the good fortune of being able to speak, and be heard and understood by our child. I think that has made me lazier :P But it's coming. Even my finger-spelling is improving I noticed today. (Though I certainly won't be showing off anytime soon...I still have atrocious skillz LOL) Not that Mason gets that yet, since he's only just 3, and while he knows his letters fairly well, his spelling, well, duh, he's three, he can't spell :) Also against us is the fact that the only people we have to sign to and with is each other, so it's a bit harder to 'practice' like that. But we are having fun with it, and I am SO proud of my children for taking hold of such a wonderfully useful skill :) SO proud :)

Also, Mason saw his regular speech therapist today. I love Lindsey :) She reassured me that she has never seen a reason to refer Mason to a pediatrician. Which is the ONLY way a Speech Path could EVER suggest that they think your child has Autism. I'm not sure how I want to deal with the information that the speech path at the hospital crossed that line. Lindsey told me that if she had done that, she would have lost her job. Ouch. She is in no way impressed with the hospital assessments lately. And said that neither are the other 15 families that have been through the assessments recently. That's gotta say something about the process, no? Lindsey did suggest that we keep an eye on Mason's attention span. I agree with her on that. But that's a whole other blog :) Bottom line is that because we Have to go through the hospital process to get him the help he'll need in school, then that's what we're going to do. But I won't do it quietly if it means he's treated like someone he is not. (unless they can prove otherwise of course)

So, that's all I have to say about any other that :)

I needed time to process that...

Mason's speech assessment didn't really go very well. Not that I am at all surprised that the assessor thinks he has a speech delay, because hey, that's why I took him right? But the way he reacted, and the way the assessment was done, and the way the assessor acted just threw me for such a loop that I needed time to step out of the situation and readdress my feelings on it.

So, here's how it went. We were, unfortunately, a few minutes late for his appointment, which always gives me anxiety, which Mason is Very good at picking up on. So already, both he and I were nervous. We get there, and the receptionist was on the phone (not her fault, I know) but we had to wait for about 10 minutes for her to finish, and by that time, Mason was ready to go explore, or leave, or do anything else. And once we were registered, we had to go out and wait in the hall. At the hospital. Which is rather big, and exciting for a 3 year old who loves to explore. And full of people, most of whom were nice enough to acknowledge his rather exuberant "HI! iiii'm Mason!! ("Matin"). And then of course he wanted to follow the people who responded to him, because he was bored out of his mind waiting.

So, we finally get called in by Carmen, and he was deep in conversation with a seriously sweet woman who was halfway up the hall :) He didn't want to leave :) Drag him into the most boring room Ever. Small table, 4 chairs, a couple pictures of cartoon kids on the bulletin board, and 2 cupboards. So now my very spirited boy is over stimulated by the small room, with nothing in it for him. (In his opinion)

The first thing she wanted to do was talk to me. While Mason had Nothing to do. Uh uh lady. good luck. So I gave him a pen and a piece of paper from my purse. Once he was bored with that, he moved on to explore the room. Climb on a chair, pull on the blind string, flick the lights on and off. (Note, she wrote down that he's obsessed with light switches..after I said he loves turning the lights on and off at home too. **He does it appropriately at home, on in the dark, off at bedtime etc**) Typical for Mason, perhaps my fault, because I believe children deserve the opportunity to explore. Thus creating a child who won't sit and wait for much of anything. I should have brought a snack :( Hindsight.

So, once Carmen was fully annoyed with his behaviour. She decided to start assessing him. She pulls out her book. sets it up, and starts talking with me again. UGH! now he's back at the table, with the pen. Trying to draw in her book (Crap!!). She says "Well, usually we would do a formal assessment for a child over three, but since he's only just three, we'll stick with the informal testing." ya think!? You've totally lost his interest lady!! Ugh!!! Fine, so she Finally pulls around the cupboard with the toys in it. He was SO happy!! And he played perfectly!! Fed the baby, shared with Carmen, put the play food on plates, knew what the milk was, put the animals in the barn, changed his voice for each animal. It was beautiful watching him!! But once he got playing, Carmen went back to talking to me. Every couple minutes she would try to ask Mason a question, and sometimes he would answer, and sometimes he wouldn't. In his defense, she never left her chair. Never got down to his level. IMO, as someone who worked with Autistic children for years, and someone who works with children now, you HAVE to get in a 3 year old's face sometimes!!! He was playing with toys that are new to him, of course those are going to be more interesting to him than an adult he's never met, and who was bossy (In his opinion) about the lights and the chair and the pen!

So, we got through our hour. And she says to me, "I didn't get a very good assessment, I don't think his receptive language is very good (She's on crack, his receptive language is awesome!), I want to do a second assessment of him at home." Which is perfectly fine with me. I know he'll give her a better grasp on his abilities, and disabilities when he's on his home turf.

In my opinion, being able to look back and reflect on how the process was handled, I don't think we got a fair assessment. I think Carmen got an opinion of Mason when he was running around flicking the lights on and off, and she wasn't willing to waiver from that opinion. And that opinion is that my Son has Autism. I disagree. I fully admit that he is a quirky kid. I fully admit that he is a handful, and a ball of electric energy, and that he is very spirited. But I don't believe that he has Autism (Though I also admit to wondering in the past, and if you had been in that room with him, you maybe would have questioned it too.) But he's not. He's social, and he's receptive, and he doesn't flap his hands (unless he's pretending to be a bird, which he did during the assessment UGH!!), he makes eye contact, he doesn't line up his toys, and he plays appropriately. He's smart, but he's not a Savant. So there. :) His hearing is hampered by fluid in his ears, and we are trying different, less intrusive, although slower, methods to stimulate the drainage, and that impairment hinders him in a lot of ways. His speech delay or disorder, whatever it turns out to be, hampers him in a HUGE way, because instead of saying leave me alone, he screams...because he can't get the words out to tell you you're pissing him off. And there you have it. Mama Bear is out, and the claws are going to follow if I don't get a fair assessment!

In a side note, from talking with another Mother who has had both of her children assessed at the same place, the assessment of Mason was done very differently. Carmen was supposed to go behind the 2 way glass and observe him playing. Had she done that, she would have been able to get a much better picture of Mason. Would have seen that he understands everything said to him, can follow instruction, can make eye contact.

So. That's that. I'm still waiting for the phone call to set up the home visit. I'm still waiting on an answer as to what is wrong with my son. And I am still waiting to figure out what the next step is. I hate waiting.

I take it back

I am SO ready for these kids to go back to school!!!! These past two days have been nothing but whining, and arguing, and fighting, and getting on my every damn last nerve!!!!

As much as I am not looking forward to making lunches, or the pickup in the rain and snow, and I sooo ready for them to be challenged, and busy, and anywhere but under my feet for a few hours a day!!!!

Al and I both have the next 4 days off, and I am SOOO relieved!!! Here's to hoping the 5 of us make it through without throttling one or another :)

On a totally different note, Mason has a speech assessment tomorrow morning at the hospital. He's been having a really good week speech-wise, so I don't know how he'll score, or rate or whatever it is. I was bad, and I didn't do any of his speech therapy homework this week. (Hello, guilt) But I figured it might give them a better idea of where he is when left to his own devices. I don't know. I'm also on the fence about mentioning Apraxia, or not mentioning Apraxia to see what they say. I probably won't, because that too could skew his results. And of course I don't want to force a label on my son. I'll update when I get back :)

1 week

As much as I love BNL, this post isn't about them :)

1 more week until school starts. I'm not really sure how I feel about that! Since my kids have been in school, I haven't had the opportunity to be with them full time in the summer. I've always worked part time. So we would have our afternoons and evenings. But never all day every day. I will admit that at the beginning of the summer, I was kinda dreading it. I was terrified that they would be bored by the second week of July, and I would be counting down the days until they went back to school. But until I realized we only had a couple weeks left together, it never really crossed my mind. I'm probably weird that way...because I read a few other blogs and the Mom's are definitely on a serious countdown.

I think maybe I have an advantage by doing home daycare. Almost every day the kids had a friend over to play with. And on the days they didn't, those were the days we headed out to visit friends, or went to the library, or the beach. So we didn't get to any amusement parks, or the zoo (maybe Saturday!), or grand adventures this summer. What we did do was relaxing, and fun, and together. We searched out some new parks in town, we walked the neighbourhood, and had picnics in the yard. We had water fights, and I put bubbles in the pool. We painted with water, discovered slime, and made butterflies with our feet. We watch the metamorphosis of caterpillars. We napped :)

Next week it's going to be so weird here. The Pace will have to speed up, lunches to make, kids to walk to and from school. Jenna will be gone all day, Aidan every other day. C is going into JK, so I'll only have him a couple days a week. I am getting a 1 year old at the end of September, so that will certainly stir things up! But other than that, it'll just be me, Mason, and M, another 3 year old. All summer it's been my 3 kids, and 1-3 other kids every day.

The time goes too fast once kids get into school. Mason is going to JK next year, and I am going to be absolutely lost without him :( Especially since new legislation is coming in to make Kindergarten all day every day starting next September. I don't have much time left with my baby.

Back to school kinda sucks I think.

A no good, very bad, terrifying, morning.

This post is awful. If you're having a sad day, probably don't ready it.

My kids went missing this morning. Jenna and Aidan. I went next door to give my neighbour something. I took Mason with me. I came home 2 minutes later. My house was empty. I called. And called, and called. I went outside and called. I went in the back yard and called. Nothing. Silence has never sounded so excruciatingly painful.

I ran back to K's house, and she called 911 for me, and watched Mason while I drove around the block. Nothing. Not a single person out on the street. Since when do we live in such a deserted neighbourhood??

I came back home. Still no kids. A little boy that lives across the street came over and was so awesome, he offered to look for them, asked what they were wearing (Pajamas :( ) and off he went. He thought he saw something a couple blocks away, so I took off in my van again, but there was nothing there. Again.

I came back and talked to the dispatcher for 911. She took a better description of the kids, and asked if I could think of where they might be on our street. Jenna's friend wasn't home, so I knew she wasn't there. Our old babysitter isn't home this week either, so I knew that wasn't it. There aren't any other places on our street that they would have gone. The dispatcher suggested maybe they had gone to the park. I immediately said no, that's not a possibility, they aren't the kind of kids that just decide to go for a walk to the park without me. I said that I could see Jenna taking Aidan to the neighbours to see if I was there, but not as far as the park. The dispatcher then reminded me that they had been gone for more than 20 minutes now, and they would have had time to walk there. And I promptly lost it again. From the time I realized they were gone, it didn't seem like more than 20 minutes had passed...and yet at the same time, 20 minutes was a long time. Especially when you're 4 and 7.

About 20 seconds later, I saw the mother of one of Jenna's friends driving up the street. I thought it was strange...since she lives like 3 blocks away, and we don't live on a main street. And then I saw Aidan's face in the back window of the truck. I almost peed my pants with relief. I couldn't get the door to the truck open fast enough. And I couldn't hug my children tight enough.

I still can't believe it happened. I still can't accept the fact that they really are okay.

I also have a few thank you cards to write. My neighbour across the road, who I've hardly ever spoken to, sent her daughter to the park to look for them, and it was the boy that lives there (not her son) that went looking initially. Also, my kids had knocked on Jenna's best friends door, but they were sleeping. And when D looked out her front window, she didn't recognize the kids walking away, she thought the girl was a neighbour kid that has been giving them a hard time. But when she went outside and my neighbours daughter told her who it was. She called, and left a message, and at the end of the message she said, "oh to hell with it, I'm coming over there." And she did. In her jammies. :) Thankfully my kids were back by then, but still. What a wonderful friend. And then there's K. Who is sick as a dog. But called 911, and stayed with Mason, and then drove and drove and drove looking for my children. Who scolded them as I would have, who hugged them as tight as I did.

My head hurts. I guess from the stress of it, and from trying to figure out what the hell would make them go that far!! Jenna said she thought I had taken Mason for a little walk. Aidan said Jenna told him to go :) You better believe though that it will NOT happen again.

2 minutes. that's all it took to nearly lose my children.

It was extra scary for me, because when I was pregnant with Jenna, I could picture her at every age until 7. And then I couldn't picture her anymore. Jenna's 7 now. I've been holding my breath in a way since her birthday. And when this happened this morning, it was like all the air was sucked out of me.

But they are back. And they are safe. And I am going out to buy kid leashes for them I think. :)

wondering..

So, I was really trying not to turn this blog into a "Oh no, there's something wrong with my baby, and now that's all I can think about" kinda of blog...but really, nothing else blog-worthy is really happening.

But after reading Julie Bo bolie's comment about the video's of Mason, I'm wondering something. I'm wondering if Mason's speech is worse that I am admitting. I seem to forget to take into account that I'm his Mommy, and I'm with him 24/7...so I of course would be able to better understand what he's saying.

I had started to think that on the Apraxia front, he maybe wasn't so bad, and that with some more intensive therapy, that he wouldn't take long to become more understandable. But then...I watch that video and try to take myself out of it, and listen to the sounds Mason is making, and think, hmm.. Julie's right. I haven't a Clue as to what he would be saying.. if it wasn't for the fact that he was pointing to the pictures in a book, I probably wouldn't understand him.

So, I'm back to doom and gloom. In a small way this time though :) As I buckled him into his car seat after the beach today, he looked at me and said, "There, that's perfect!" :) ("Dare, dax perpet") and it made me smile. Which he does so often, despite his mischief making ways :)

Beyond Mason though...my friend's daughter has Cerebral Palsy. And Epilepsy, and and and... These past few days have been just awful for Laney, as she has been seizuring constantly, day and night. Judy took Laney to the ER today, and Laney has gone into Epileptic shock. Not cool. So, if you could just keep Laney in your thoughts, I'm sure we would all appreciate it.

Video of Mason

Does anyone know where I could do my own kind of closed captioning feature on a video?? Not that I have searched yet, just wondering :)



I'm actually pretty impressed with his speech in this video...but these are all thinks that he's pretty familiar with. If you watch really closely, you can see that his jaw and tongue are sometimes working extra hard for simple words. Also, he says Butt for Bus :) His ST and I always have a wee chuckle over that :) We're mature like that :)
***ETA: I get it now!!! When he's talking about the Balloon (A hot air balloon) He's saying that it's going to the gooey Geyser. Thanks Dora :)***




See what i mean about goofy?? He was not at all in the mood to sing for me :) Cute nonetheless though :)

Feeling a little better

I think I'm starting to relax a bit regarding Mason's potential Diagnosis. Every now and then when I am doing research on Apraxia of Speech, I get a little scared for him, because of the labels, and the work it's going to take, and so on. But then I see that there are charity walks for Apraxia, seminars, and support groups, and so much love for these children out there, that it gives me a lot of hope.

I keep trying to figure out why. Why this happened to Mason, what trauma he's had to his brain that caused this to take over my son. His birth was a planned c-section. The only difference for him was that he was breech, and they used a spinal instead of an epidural. I was soooo sick from that spinal, that I didn't hold him for hours after he was born (Hi, Guilt, c'mon in!) other than that...I just don't know...and really, it's not going to matter even if I could figure it out.

He's been special (in that kind of way that means Different from the other two!) since birth. Always wanting to be held. Stubborn with the nursing (HE decided when to quit!) a picky eater, a lousy sleeper...and now this :) It makes me smile in a weird kind of way. In a way that says, of course Mason would give us this challenge. It's just who he is. And then the lightbulb comes on that says "yeah...this IS just who he is" Not what he is, not what he will be defined as (in most cases) Just Who Mason Is. My Boy. My baby. My going concern. My special one.

I keep trying to get a video of him singing and talking, but he's such a ham, that he just wants to be silly in front of the camera :) I'll keep trying though. I never ever give up trying..

A funny

I was laying on the couch with Aidan yesterday, watching a movie. Here's how the conversation went..

Aidan: Hey! Those kids are playing Ball Hockey right?

Me: Yep.

Aidan: Because when you wear rollerblades it's called Ball Hockey. Right?

Me: That's right!! You're so smart!

Aidan: I have a lot of brains right Mommy? Do you know how big my brain is?

Me: How big?

Aidan: As big as my tummy.

Me: Wow, that's pretty impressive.

Aidan: Yep, and I keep learning new stuff, and my brain will grow and grow and grow, until it explodes!!

Me: Well, I kinda hope not. I think you'll grow so your brain can grow too.

Aidan: Oh, yeah. And then think of all the stuff I can learn when my brain is even Bigger than my tummy!! That's a lot you know?

Me: **Laughing** I love you.

Aidan: I love you too. Can I have an apple?