So Excited!!

I am going to visit an old friend today!! We were Best friends in High School. Then she moved away, and we lost touch. All I can say, is God Bless Facebook! :) It's been 11 years since we've seen each other!!

I really need this day. I finally have a day off, which I need for my sanity :) So I am taking Jenna to the doctor to have a wart on her foot either looked at or removed, I don't really know how that works :) And then we are off to see Judy, and her three kids :) Her kids are beautiful :) Her son is 8, her daughters 7 and 4..so my kids will hopefully fit in nicely with hers :) (Finger's crossed on that one!!)

I think I'm mostly looking forward to today because it's such a change. I'm in some kind of funk I think. Same things every day, even the weekends have been pretty blah and generic lately..and I need something more than that. I think I just need to talk to more grownups :) I LOVE kids..kinda have to do do what I'm doing..but they just don't hold a conversation like an adult does :) Feel free to call okay?? :) :)

I guess it doesn't help me that Al is in some kind of funk too. He's been trying to figure out some things for his future, and I don't imagine that he's having an easy time of that. So of course we're bickering more, and ignoring each other more, and I'm not such a fan of all that. We are really trying. It's nice to see the effort there, but it seems our lows are getting lower :( I don't know. Maybe it's just me..

So..I guess that's it for now. OH! Except the coolest thing happened to me the other day!! I was taking the kids to the park the other day, and a GIANT dragonfly landed on me!! It was amazing. Until I noticed that while he rested on my shoulder, he was busy eating a bug :P So gross. And yet still really cool :) My George keeps laughing at me.. you see, i grew up mostly in the country, we lived in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by farmer's fields. And yet, I was such a city girl. I hated bugs, and creepy crawlies, and couldn't touch a worm, let alone bait my own hook for fishing!! :) And now!! My favourite time of year is summer, because that's when I get to play with my Monarch caterpillars/butterflies, and see dragonflies, and check out weird looking spiders with the kids (Only outside for the spiders. Inside they still freak me right out!!). My George thinks it's funny that I had to move into the city to become more country :)

Okay, that's it for real this time. Off to get ready for a great day!!

Not how I planned

After the visit to the ENT for Mason, it was decided that he would have surgery to have his adenoids out, and tubes put into his ears. I'm not crazy about the idea now that I've had time to think about it a bit farther. I've also talked at length with my sister who has been through this process with her son as well. She suggested ear candling him. Said it's the best thing they ever did for Ryan, and that his speech improved in leaps and bounds once he had his ears done. So it was decided, we would get Mason's ears candled. It's natural, non invasive, and NOT surgery on my son :)

And then I hit some roadblocks. We have coverage through our benefits for a naturalpath. So I called around, and no one would do it. They either didn't offer that service, or they wouldn't do it because he's not three yet. So I googled it, and found a few more places that offered it. But it meant paying out of pocket (not a big deal, I was quoted mostly around $60), but not what I was hoping for. A couple places said no, because of his age. One place took my name, and another woman said she would do it!

The woman that agreed to give it a shot was so nice. She even lowered her price a bit, because he's younger (Dude, she didn't know what she was getting into). AND she had a free spot that evening!! We decided it might be good to do it later in the evening, because hopefully he'd be sleepier, and more willing to lay still while it was being done. HA.

He was opposed to it from the start. He didn't want to go into her house. He didn't want to go into her treatment room, he wouldn't let her look in his ears. He wouldn't look at Her! He clung to me, shaking, almost the whole time we were there. When he wasn't trying to get out the front door, or 'playing' her piano. She was really sweet about it, tried to coax him in a few times, and then turned to me and said she wouldn't do it. My heart sank the moment we walked in the door. When she said that it dropped :( I knew though, that we were wasting everyone's time, and that there was no way I was going to put my son through something that so obviously terrified him. So, I gathered him up, and we left. I've never seen Mason more happy to get buckled into the van. And can you believe she wouldn't let me pay her?? Not even for her time. I should send a card.

I cried a little on the way home.. Silly.. I just want to help him! I want him to be able to hear!! I want him to be able to speak, and ask for things, and tell me when he's sick, or excited, or frustrated. I want miracles dammit. I guess I put too many high hopes on this.

Another woman called me yesterday, and said she was More than willing to do this for us. That she has lots of experience doing this on children. But I told her about our experience at the other place, and she and I talked about it for a little while. She suggested that maybe because the other place was in the woman's home, that perhaps it wasn't clear to him that we wanted to do something like at a doctor's office. That makes a lot of sense. So, this other place is at a wellness clinic. I have more hope for that, but decided not to make an appointment for now.

I emailed my sister yesterday, and she suggested (again) that I just do it myself. If I do it when he's sleeping, we won't have to worry about him moving, being scared of the flame or what's going on. Although from everything I've heard and read, it's very soothing, and just sounds the same as when you hold a conch shell to your ear. So, I think that's what we'll do. After I email my sister to see when she's available to come home a lighted candle over my son's head. :)

If it doesn't work, then I'll have the surgery done. It's not really a big deal. The procedure takes about 45 minutes, and we're in and out the same day. It's booked for a Friday, so he'll have the weekend to recover. I might send Jenna and Aidan to my Mom's for the weekend too, so he can recover in peace.

I just want this to work.. please?

And now, by popular request....

Well, only 1 request..but it was from Julie, and she's pretty damn popular, so it works. shut up.

Crafts we've done recently!!

1. The kids all loved this one! A butterfly made from a toilet paper roll. Actually, I had to cut down the rolls, so a paper towel roll cut into three might be a better size.

2. We've also recently made butterfly footprints. SO CUTE!! you paint the kids' feet, and then set them on the paper, but opposite, crossed...umm...how to explain...so, the outsides of the feet, are actually on the insides. Paint or colour a body.

3. Get fish stickers, colour a paper entirely blue (or use blue paper), use old pieces of construction paper to create coral, seaweed, underwater caves etc, stick on stickers.

4. We'll be making sock puppets tomorrow I think..gotta find some more socks :)

5. Pasta art! The kids LOVED this!! I set out bowls with different shaped pasta, and gave them each a bottle of glue (glue sticks don't work), and let them create!

6. Great for a rainy day...pop some plain popcorn. take a cupcake liner, fold in half, and decorate like an umbrella...use half a pipe cleaner for the handle if you have one, if not just draw an umbrella handle. glue the 'umbrella' on a piece of paper. Use the popcorn to create the 'rain clouds'. colour on rain drops.

7. Make your own puzzle. Have the kids draw a picture or design on a blank piece of paper, make sure the whole piece of paper is covered. Glue onto a piece of cardboard. Have kids draw puzzle pieces on the cardboard, cut out using x-acto knife.

8. Coffee filter flowers. Paint a drip coffee filter with water colour paint. once dry, pinch in the centre, and fasten a pipecleaner for a stem.

9. Muffin cup flowers. These work well if you have a couple different sizes of muffin liners. Colour the entire muffin liner (Inside and out), glue the smaller liner into the middle of the bigger one. Voila, a double impatiens :)

I haven't tried this yet, but it sounds cool!!

Sidewalk Chalk - This recipe is for sidewalks only. Do not use this chalk on any other surface. You will need 4-5 eggshells, 1 teaspoon flour, 1 teaspoon very hot tap water, and food coloring (optional). Wash & dry eggshells. Put into bowl and grind into a powder. A mortar and pestle works fine for this. Discard any large pieces. Place flour and hot water in another bowl and add 1 tablespoon eggshell powder & mix until a paste forms. Add food coloring if desired. Shape & press mixture firmly into the shape of a chalk stick, and roll up tightly in a strip of paper towel. Allow to dry approximately 3 days until hard. Remove paper towel and you've got chalk. Eggshell chalk is for sidewalks only.

I like www.dltk-kids.com and www.familycorner.com for craft ideas. And when all else fails, look up their favourite printables, and let them colour :)

Hope this helps!!

Let's go fly a Kite!

I took the kids to the park today, and I filled the wagon with fun park-stuff like usual. Except this time, I added in a couple kites. I tell ya, there is nothing like flying a kite!! I had forgotten how much I used to love it as a kid.

My brother and I used to attempt to make our own kites. A piece of paper, a couple sticks, tape and a length of string or yarn, and we were set for hours!! Until we went whining to my Mom that the kites wouldn't fly, and she would comfort us by saying that it probably just wasn't windy enough :)

It took a lot of willpower to convince myself to pass over the string and let the kids fly the kites :)

I highly recommend it. Who doesn't love a kite :)

Tattoo Me

I've wanted a tattoo for a really long time..I think. :) I keep coming back to the idea, and then I decide I'm not really there yet. For years I've wanted a Butterfly. But I kinda shy away from that idea, since it seems like Every girl on the planet has a butterfly tattoo. But because of what a butterfly represents to me. The struggles they go through, the changes and sacrifices they make, and how smart and gifted they are. It all just amazes me. For a little while I thought about getting half a butterfly. With the plan to get the other half when my life felt complete, whole, settled. But who knows when that will be right? I've looked at Hundreds and thousands of butterfly tattoos, and I love them all.

Lately, I've been thinking about getting a tattoo that incorporates my family. I really love water too. How powerful it is, how it adapts, and surrounds when something is put into it. So now I'm kinda thinking of some kind of puddle, with three little drops dripping into it (to represent the kids.) Or maybe 4 drops, to include my husband as well. I can't find any pictures though. Which, maybe is actually a good thing, since that would indicate that it's more original than a butterfly.

Then there's the question of where!? I used to want Tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust over my tailbone..just because...okay?? But I've decided against that, since I've now broken my tailbone twice, and it's so painful still!! But maybe higher up my back? OH! It might be cool on the side of my foot!! Like I stepped in a puddle, and it's splashing up the 3 or 4 droplets?? Hmmm.... might have to think on that one :) Yeah...I think I like that!

Thanks for your help :)

Camping!!

Every year we get together with my Step-Mom's family and spend a weekend camping together. It's so much fun!! We decided to do it about 7 or 8 years ago, since we can't seem to manage getting together at Christmas, and this is more fun that a turkey dinner anyway :) Every year we go to a different provincial park, we've only repeated a couple places, so it's been a great adventure :) Some places have been awful, and some breath taking :) This year we went to MacGregor Point Provincial Park. I LOVE it there :) I've camped there almost every summer since I was 4. I was a bit disappointed to see that the town had changed so much since I was last there. It's not looking as touristy any more..and I really thought that was a big part of it's charm. It was touristy, without being overwhelming or gaudy. Now it seems to have a lot of drug stores :) But it was the same town, and holds the same fond memories from my childhood.

For the most part, camping was fun. It rained so hard, and for so long the first night, that our tent flooded :) I can laugh at it now, but when you're reaching into your bag, and pulling out dripping wet underwear..not so funny in that moment. I don't know that I have ever been camping during a thunderstorm like that. It seemed like it was right over top of us. I was starting to think we should probably get the kids in the van when it finally started to let off. So, we spent Saturday morning drying out the tent. and attempting to dry out our stuff. Unfortunately, every time we hung things up to dry, it would start to rain again! I finally gave up, threw it all in the van, and headed to the beach :)

Great camp beach there. You can go out for like 2KMs, and still not hit water higher than your bum :) Great for the kids. Of course, the entire time we were at the beach it was hot and sunny. Enough that the kids and I got a burn :( We took our stuff and threw it in a dryer for awhile, and everything came out warm and dry :) It was great knowing I'd have dry clothes in the morning!!

Sunday we went on a hike with everyone. We saw a couple frogs and turtles. Ryan dropped his water bottle of the pier, and my uncle Mark held him by his feet while he reached under to grab it :) That was hilarious to watch. Then we checked out the visitor's centre, where they have lots of reptiles on display :) Mason LOVED that!! When we got back for lunch it started to rain again. But it thankfully didn't last too long, and Al and I managed to fit in a game of gin while the kids coloured and played in the rain. We headed back to the visitor's centre after dinner to see a movie. It was cute for the kids, all about baby animals, and how every species is so different.

Monday wasn't as great. We were sad to be packing up and leaving. And my Grandpa (who hadn't come camping with us in Years) wasn't feeling well. My Dad needed to go into town to get something for my grandpa, and his car wouldn't start!! Ugh!! It turned out to just be a battery, but it still sucked pretty bad at the time. But, it got fixed, and we all made it home safe and sound.

It was a pretty low key weekend, but it's what I needed I think :) Been a very long time since I've had a day off. I miss having days off :)

Party Party Party!

We made it!! Jenna's birthday party was on Saturday...and as the person who planned the majority of it, and organized, and corralled, and bribed 8 girls and 2 boys...I am not so humbly going to proclaim that it was a huge hit!!

So, I went with the picnic theme that Jenna requested. At first I was leary, because I hadn't ever thought about that kind of party. But once I got going, I LOVED it!! I swear it planned itself :) (HA! No, it did not!! I did that :) hmm..nope, not humble)

In advance of the party, I bought a different coloured sand pail for each guest, and stuck on their names with foam stickers. Also, when each Mom RSVP'd, I made sure to ask what their child's favourite sandwich was. So, come lunch time, I gathered each guest's bucket, and inside I added their personal favourite sandwich, a Kool-Aid Jammer, and an Oreo Cakester. Two of the girls were convinced that I'm psychic because I knew what kind of sandwich they ate :) hehehe

After lunch I let them run wild for a bit while the gorwnups cleaned up, and then called them all back to decorate their buckets. I found the Coolest foam sticker at Micheals (Wal-mart has them too, but I had a coupon for Micheals)...They were bugs and grass, and fish shapes, in pale, girly colours, and Gingham!! What says picnic more than Gingham!? I thought so too :)

Once the buckets were decorated, I used each one as the loot 'bags' for each guest :) I know the foam stickers won't hold up in the sand...but it was a good idea at the time :)

I found some different games to play rather than the regular musical chairs etc..since we were at a park without electricity :) We played shoe scramble, where there are two piles of shoes, and you have to race to each pile, but on your own shoes, and then race back. SO funny!! Especially the shoes on the wrong feet!!

Then there was Balloon scramble. Hilarity. Each guest was blindfolded, and then we set out balloons (with marbles inside so they wouldn't blow away. The girls had to crawl across the grass, find a balloon, and the first one to pop it was the winner. It was so funny watching the girls go off in the wrong directions!

We did the classic Egg and spoon race too...but honestly, I thought it was a bit boring. I'll have to think up a variation before I use that game again :)

Then there was Going on a Picnic. Not a game really, just something fun to calm them down, and to pass the time. We brought Apples, Banana's, Cake, Doritos, Eggs, Fries, Grapes, Hot Dogs, Ice cream, Jello, Kites, and Melissa's Mom to our picnic. After that I lost their interest. But it was cute watching them help each other out with remembering what comes next, and what starts with the next letter :)

Then came the Bite Test. I suggest spreading out A LOT with this. Sarah got knocked over :( So, what happens is, each kid gets a napkin, that gets weighed down (we used rocks from the beach). The kids race to the napkins and then have to pick them up with only their Teeth!! No hands or they're disqualified :) Funny to watch them try to pick up the napkins with their teeth :)

After that it was cake and presents, so of the girls went in the lake, until it started to thunder, so we got them out quick.

All in all it was a BLAST!! I loved it. It's right up there with the Tea Party we had when Jenna turned 5. How I hope these parties are leaving lasting memories for my kids :)

Update on Mason

So, since Mason was about a year old, I have wondered about his speech. I let it slide a few more months, listening to what people say about boys being slower. He got a few more sounds, and I let it go a bit longer. Then at about 18-20 months he was calling us Mommy and Daddy. None of this mama and dada stuff for him! I thought perhaps he needs to wait to say the word when he knows he's got it perfect?? Then I noticed other people were having a harder and harder time understanding him, and I was interpreting for him SO much more than I should be for a 2 year old.

I did some research, and he didn't seem to hit any of the markers for concerns about speech. He could put two words together, was Very receptive (he was shaking his head yes and no appropriately at 8 months old!!), seemed to understand what we were saying to him and so on.

And then the crying. wouldn't. stop. I thought for a rather long time that he had some form of Autism. He wasn't speaking, the constant crying, I thought he was stimming when he was trying to calm himself, he was SO attached to me, didn't play well...and sooo much more. I talked to my doctor about my concerns about his speech and behaviour, and he gave me the number for the Preschool Speech and Language program. It's run for free (through OHIP) at our local hospital. So, I called them, and they sent out a 12 page assessment form to fill out. Daunting to say the least. They also require a hearing test.

So, we did the hearing test. And he failed it. I knew, sitting in the little room with him that he had failed. He wasn't hearing some things at all. it was so sad. But at least it gave me a reason for his speech issues!! Something to cling to for a little while. He didn't follow my instructions because he couldn't hear me! Of course! He didn't come back when I called him because he couldn't hear me! look at that. It was silly of me to hang onto that. I feel bad about that. So, back to my doctor with the results of the Audiologist. My doctor wouldn't do anything about a possible wax buildup in his ears because Mason was too young, and he didn't want to cause damage. So, we got a referral to an ENT. for 2 1/2 months later.

All this time, a lot of people were still telling me he was just a bit slow, and to give him time, blah blah blah :) A mother knows though, usually :) I knew my little boy was having trouble, and if he could just Tell me what he wanted, the crying would stop!!! That was the hardest time in my life I think. Waking up every morning to the crying, and hearing it all day until he fell asleep at night.

So, I filled out the speech assessment, and then kinda sat on it for awhile. I think I went into a bit of the denial everyone else was pushing at me. Finally, I mailed it in. And finally, Al got on board with me.

The ball started rolling. Not just lightly along, but at full speed down the hill!! He was accepted into the Preschool speech program. But there's a waiting list of 10-14 months!! What bullshit that is let me tell you!

So, Al was at our doctor's for something unrelated, and got talking to him about Mason. Our Dr wrote out a prescription for speech therapy, and gave Al a referral to a Speech Clinic!! And the BEST part is that the Therapy is covered by Al's work benefits!! And because it's a prescribed treatment, we don't even have to pay the 20% like most other things!!

So, last Wednesday I called The Speech Clinic to see what kind of openings I could get for him in the summer. The woman told me that she had TWO openings the next DAY!! Crazy! I couldn't do that, but she also had a spot on Saturday, so I snapped that up!

I took him in for the assessment, and he definitely has speech delays. Fairly significant delays, but not devastating ones. Everything is correctable with time. I am soooo relieved.

His issues are that he drops consonants. So for example, when he says Daddy, it comes out like Daa-ee. Aidan sounds like Ian. Chocolate is Wok-wit. He's not using the letters S, L and R. and B's and P's are being used inconsistently. He's substituting vowels all over the place, and he's trying to get his words out so fast, that we're only catching the last word in the sentence. So, lots to work on, but at least now we know!!! He'll go to speech therapy every other week. I am so relieved.

So, back to his hearing problems!! He had his appointment with the ENT today. And although the news wasn't great, it certainly could have been worse. Mason has enlarged adenoids. And they will need to be removed. They are blocking the fluid from draining, making everything he hears sound as though he's hearing it underwater. Makes perfect sense!! He'll also get tubes in his ears to help clear the way for the drainage. He gave Mason another hearing test, and it DOES NOT look like he has hearing loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm soooo relieved about that!!!!

So, to sum up this novel!! He needs Speech therapy. And he needs surgery for his adenoids and tubes in his ears. I can't imagine what kind of kid he will be when we're all done with this!! I can't wait to find out :)

Not Typical.

I have a cold. A wicked, raging head cold. I woke up at 2 this morning, feeling like my throat was attacked by an army of razor blades, and couldn't get back to sleep for the coughing and wheezing. So came downstairs, had a freezie, had another freezie, had a bowl of ice cream (which finally gave me some relief, and read for over an hour before I was finally able to fall asleep again. and now...duuuuuuude. I feel like I'm dying. Which isn't much of an option when you have 3 kids AND do daycare. **Note to self, find another mom to unload kids on for days like this LOL**

So, the point of this all is to admit that I am not at all a typical woman when I get sick. I would love to join the mothers that complain that their husband's world stands still when they get sick, but when Mom gets sick?? oh no, the world keeps spinning, and they drag their swollen throbbing sinuses around the house keeping peace and order no matter the expense to their health and well being. That they risked tearing incisions after major surgeries to make sure lunches were lovingly packed and tied with pretty ribbons. That they just threw a wee band aid on and took the garbage out one piece at a time to make sure it got to the curb in time, no matter that they lost sleep over the fact. nope. That is SO not me.

I turn into a big whiny priss. I don't want to do a damn thing. The dishes pile up. The laundry piles up. The children's faces are only washed half heartedly, if at all. I wear old clothes, and my hair is a disaster. And I don't give a hoot. I just want to curl up with a good, cheesy book, a giant feather duvet, and a box of Kleenex (or actually Puffs with lotion...could you go get me some from the store, k thanks.). And so help me God, do NOT ask me to move until I am well again. But feel free to bring me soup, and tea, and chocolate, and anything else you think I might want :)

I am such a man when I am sick. And I like it.

Going back to my blanket, and children's stories for the kids now.

Read Alvin's Blog!!

Because I said so. And it's great. And I said so.

http://phoenixbodystyling.blogspot.com/

Oh Noz!

Now I find this...


see more dog pictures

Srsly!!

I can not stay away from http://icanhascheezburger.com/


more cat pictures


more cat pictures


more cat pictures





more cat pictures


more cat pictures

Sad but proud moment

My best friend's dog died today. We're all so sad about this. We aren't really dog people, but all seemed to have a soft spot for Nitro.

When my kids got home from school I told them about Nitro passing. They took it okay. My soft hearted Aidan made me so proud though. He got all teary-eyed, looked up at me and said "But now Logan won't have a pet" I said no, he won't. So Aidan said, "We should go to the pet store and buy him a frog." (Logan has wanted a pet frog forever!!)

So, I okayed it with my friend, and that's what we're going to do. We're going to get him an African Drawf Frog. http://http://allaboutfrogs.org/info/mypets/dwarfs.html I've had a few over the years, and just love them!! I hope Logan does too.

Help!!

I was having trouble thinking of a fun invitation for Jenna's party, and my Mom suggested the ants go marching song. I changed it up to include the party information, but can't think of how to end it?! She's turning 7, but is it weird to rhyme 7 with 7?? Help!! :)

The ants are coming one by one
Join us June 21st for Jenna's birthday fun
The ants are coming two by two
They want to have a Picnic with you!
The ants are coming three by three
Come to Greenfiend Park to see!
The Ants are coming four by four
Games and Lunch and so much more!
The ants are coming five by five
11:30 is when to arrive
The ants are coming six by six
by 2:30 we'll have had our fix
The ants are coming Seven by seven

I NEED A WAY TO END THIS??? Help!!

**how about:
The ants are coming Seven by Seven
Please reply by June 11

***-**** Lisa or Al

Getting a Wii!!!!

Okay, it's probably going to seem kinda ridiculous, especially since I have to wait until July...But!! We are getting a Nintendo Wii!! AND the Wii Fit!!!

I've Never been a gamer. I remember when I was about 10 or 11, my best friend Pam got an NES. As in the original, basic, mario brothers save the princess NES. I thought it was pretty cool. But I wasnt very good at it :) I flung the cable when I wanted my Luigi to Jump. I rocked to the side in racing games. It was probably hilarious to watch :) But I don't really remember ever feeling an over powering desire to have one of my own.

And in High school, when friends were getting PlayStations, and Gameboys, I wasn't interested. I've never in my life played a Playstation game. Only held a Gameboy once or twice when my nephew let go of his deathgrip on his. Never played Xbox or seen an Xbox360. Though I hear they are fabulous.

However...when I heard about the Nintendo Wii..I was instantly intrigued for some reason. I mean, it gets you Up! You can box, and play tennis, and baseball. Hell, I can learn how to Golf with the Wii!! Something I've recently considered. And now, with the Wii Fit available!?! I can do Yoga, improve my bamance, and do strength training!! I can even Jog! All with a little character that looks just like me!! (Actually, it's a Mii :))

I'm not at all trying to will away June, since it's a big month around here, but dammit, I wish July would hurry the heck up!! I wanna Wii!!

Frustrated

My best friend is taking advantage of me..I think..

2 months ago, K asked to borrow my pads until she could get her own the next day. When I got my period, I went to get them back, and there was one left. She never offered to replace them. On the Webkinz Extravaganza day, she asked me to get a Webkinz for her son while we were getting some for Jenna and Aidan. She still hasn't paid me for it. 2 weeks ago, she asked to borrow my pads again! Yesterday when I needed them back, there was only 2 left. (I was smart and said, "Well, that's one more than you left me last month!") Last week, we were going to go 'together' to get pizza for lunch. I was the only one that paid. Last week she borrowed my pancake syrup. This morning when I went to get it back there was Hardly enough for us to use on our pancakes.

Granted, when I went to get the syrup this morning, she saw that I was annoyed that there wasn't enough left, and she said "If there's not enough, I'll go to the store now and get you some" I said nevermind, and left. About 15 minutes into breakfast, she rang the doorbell, handed Mason a bag and left (SO not normal behaviour for her, we have had an open door policy with each other for about 4 years now!!). In the bag was a package of pads and pancake syrup.

So, I don't know if I'm over-reacting. Obviously, I'm menstral, and probably a bit sensitive this week (Sorry!!) but still!! It seems to be that she's taking advantage of me!! I don't know what to say to her though. I mean, obviously, I'm not going to be lending her things for awhile. But we're best friends. With the lovely benefit of living right next door to each other. Makes it convienient to be borrowing and lending and such. Seems like it's only going one way though. And it's getting tiring. Especially when it's stuff that we obviously need!!

I just don't know what to say to her. I'm awful at confrontation. She wrote on her facebook status that she "thinks people should just say what's on their minds" I am VERY positive it was intended for me.

Ugh..I just don't know where to go with this..any ideas??

So Lucky!!

There's a woman that lives a few houses away from me, who, until last year, ran a daycare from her home for Years. She's very sweet, and we chat on the sidewalk now and then. Well..last week, she said she was going to be cleaning out her basement, and was wondering if I wanted some of her leftover toys and stuff. Not one to miss an opportunity, I said sure, if she was looking for someone to take it, I'd be happy to!

My doorbell rang yesterday evening. It was my nieghbour, with an armload of wooden puzzles. I bet she gave me 15!! Al thanked her for me (Jenna was reading to me :)), and that was that. Until a few minutes later. The doorbell rang again. this time she came with a doll sized walker, and a big bucket full of dress-up clothes! We chatted for a bit, and then she asked if I was against copied DVD's. I said no, we're always looking for something new to watch during quiet time :) AND THEN she asked if we have a VCR. We did, but it worked like crap, and I hadn't used it in months, because it wasn't worth the trouble. So that was fine, off she went again, back with the DVD's and a bag with some more puzzles, and craft stuff :) While I thanked her for the gazzilionth time, she offered me her VCR and their VHS movies! She said they never use it, and since she knew it would be well loved here, she would be glad to give it to us!! I could barely believe my ears! LOL

So a few minutes later, Louise, her husband, and her son came back.. With 2 boxes of mostly Disney/kids movies, and a VCR that doesn't look like it's any more than 2 years old!! There are some duplicates of what we have collected ourselves, so I'm going to take them back to her and suggest she take them to the pawn shop up the road and trade them in to get some DVD's for her collection.

I wish you all could have seen the looks on the kids faces this morning when they came in and saw the new goodies all around :) Priceless :)

I'm going to do up a gift basket with banana bread (JJBB, you deserve royalties from that recipe!!) and tea and stuff :) I can't think of any other way to thank her.

How lucky am I??

It's the little things

Some things that gave me genuine smiles today..

- Mason drove his car all over me. Something I have seen SO many boys do, but never from my son. And he did it today with such a smile on his face, and so much laughter in his eyes..I almost cried.

- The walk home from the school this morning was not full of me chasing Mason :)

- I took three little boys to the park for most of the morning, and we had a great time. Especially when Cory and Mason were on the teeter-totter. They were laughing like I've never heard before.

- Ian, who is 8 /2, came up to me out of the blue this afternoon and gave me a hug.

- Micheal caught my eye when he was playing in the playhouse this afternoon, and smiled at me. He's been soooooooooooo grouchy lately, it's been diffucult to dig deep for smiles for him..but this time, I didn't have to try :)

- I made 2 little girls' days :) Jenna has a new friend over from school. She seems like a good kid. I really like her :) And her Mom and I talked on the phone for like 40 minutes last night!!

- Al and I made a date to veg around the computer and laugh our asses off looking at http://icanhascheezburger.com/. Seriously funny stuff :) We're so cool aren't we? LOL

that's all. Good night.

Need motivation.

So, as I mentioned before, I've gained weight again :( I am not at all happy with the way I look right now. Not that the change is huge, or overly noticeable (So I've been told) but I feel it, and my scale shows it, and my pants are tighter. blech!

I just can't seem to find the energy..or motivation, to get back on track with my weightloss, and exercise. I'm not eating well.. Which is probably the biggest issue. Because I know for sure that I am getting a whole lot more exercise now that I am chasing pre-schoolers, and pushing swings and walking to the school 2 times a day, 5 days a week.

I admit, I'm not getting the best sleep. (why do husbands need to solve the worlds problems just as your head hits the pillow??) so that certainly doesn't help..but it shouldn't be an excuse. But it does throw me off.

Last summer I was competing with Jenny to see who could lose 10% of their weight first. I kicked ASS doing that!! I loved how it felt. I was happier. But I can't seem to get back to that place. I'm sitting here wishing for looser t-shirts, instead of doing something about it.

Any ideas on how to get back in the groove??

It's Go Time

So, you all know the saying, "The Lazy Days Of Summer" right?? I am realllllly looking forward to trying to apply that!! Spring for us is just noon-stop. It's birthday season around here. Ready??

May 5 - My Dad
May 6 - My Uncle Roy
May 11 - Friend Christine (Also Mother's day!!)(Alsoi my Mom is coming to visit!!)
May 18 - Nephew Dustin, Mikayla (from my daycare)
May 19 - Aunt Kathy
May 20 - My Step Mother

June 7 - My BIL Dale
June 12 - My Grandma in England
June 14 - My brother Kenny
June 15 - Father's Day
June 16 - Was Al's Grandmas, I usually try to plan something though
June 18 - My brother Brian
June 21 - My friend Dave
June 23 - Chloe (JJBB's cute pie punkin face :))
June 25 - Jenna

July 6 - My Mom!!
July 7 - my nephew Ryan

DUDE!! Could we cram any more in there?! Now, to be honest we don't celebrate all of this with big brew-haha's, but they all deserve to be acknowledged!! I'm doing the cake for Mikayla's party which is today. Cinderella. I'm not thrilled with it :( Should have practiced the eyes before I went all gung-ho and did them on the cake...but I
m trying to tell myself that she's 6, and I gave her Mom and discount since we're friends...and who's a worse critic of myself than me right?? But it still bugs me :( So, a not to all my future cake orderers...I can do animal eyes just fine...wouldn't you love a bunny instead of Ariel?? :)

My step-mom is turning 60 this year. So my sister and I are planning a surprise party for her. I wanted to make the cake...my Sister kyboshed that :( She wants to get a cake from Sobey's so they can put the picture on it. Great idea...but cakes are my thing, and I totally had this great White Forest cake idea...with a french vanilla cake, white chocolate frosting, sliced strawberry filling, white chocolate curls on the top, and whole strawberries. It was going to be sooo pretty :) Oh well...maybe I'll make it for my Mom :) I mean, my Sister knows her Mom better than I do. Maybe Marilyn has said she doesn't like my cakes. Whatever. I guess it gives me more time to browse around party packagers :) Heart that store.

Jenna's party plan is coming along :) A picnic party this year. I was humming and hawing (Or is it hemming and hawing??) over what to do for her cake. I was going to do a picnic basket, but it seemed too grown up for a 7 year old. After looking online for different ideas, I think she and I have decided on a watermelon cake :) There are so many ways to do them, so now the hard part is deciding which angle for the cake :) We're going to hold it at a park this year.. My back yard just isn't big enough to contain 10 screaming 6-7 year olds :) I'm sure I'll be recieving thank you notes and gift baskets from my nieghbours too :) But don't get me started on the party planning..that deserves a post all on it's own :) More to come..I promise :)

Okay, off to give Cinderella some hair :) Love to you all!!

Lisa

An accident waiting to happen!!

If I had a dollar for every time I had heard that about myself, well..I would probably have enough for that pilates class. But really, it's so true.

This past winter was no exception. I fell down the stairs, while holding Mason. I fell in the driveway no less than half a dozen times. I tripped UP the stairs. It was awful. I also re-broke my tailbone doing pilates, and tobogganning.

2 weeks ago I was heading into the bathroom, I opened the door, which banged off of the front door, which was stuck on the carpet runner, I, oblivious to all this apparently, kept walking, right into the edge of the bathroom door!! Which left a lovely bruise on my forehead.

Last week I whacked my thumb, and have NO idea how I did it!! But I must have hit it awfully hard, because it swelled up and turned purple right away, and I still have a lovely bruise! I also stood up in the bathroom after helping one of the boys get his pants pulled up...and whacked my shoulder off the towel bar. That too left a lovely sore bruise on my shoulder!

And then Yesterday!! Cory and Aidan were fighting by the front door, just after we got back from the school. I was in the kitchen and took off running, since they were pummeling each other. Lucky me, went around the corner..in my shoes..and my feet came out from under me. Boom!! down I went. I thought for awhile that I had broken my little toe, but I think now that it's just sprained. Lovely shade of purple though!! In the fall I also hit the same bruised shoulder, my head, and my wrist!! I never do things in a small way apparently :)

Seriously though..what the heck is wrong with me?? Why can I not keep myself from bouncing off the walls, and keeping my feet firmly planted on the floor?? Man, I need some double sided tape or something..and I should probably look into padding the walls around here :)

See?? I'm so boring!!

I'm all gung ho about blogging again, and then, boom.. Writer's block!! LOL I think really though, that I just don't have much exciting to write about. It was really nice to see comments already though..nice to know there are some readers out there still :) :)

Work is going well. I adore these kids. I'm getting to know them much better, and we all seem to be fitting into a much better groove. Not that it was ever a bad groove, but when you figure that these kids and I got about 2 days notice that we were going to be spending hours upon hours a day with each other..well..we've worked out the kinks pretty well.

I really need to get my ass back into gear. I've gained back 12 pounds since last summer. Something I swore I wouldn't let myself do. But here I am, teetering on 150 again, and feeling absolute despair when I see that scale. But then I head to the cupboard, and reach for crap. I have a drawer in my fridge filled with peppers, and carrots, cucumber, zuchini. All of which I Love! But I just can't seem to make myself eat them :( I mean really...home baked cookies? Or carrot sticks?? yeah..me too. unfortunately.

I was talking to one of my Mom's on the weekend, she attends pilates classes regularily. I'm really seriously thinking of joining the next class with her.. I have the pilates video that I was doing. And I really like it..but I didn't keep up with it. I know that if I spend over $100 on a class like that, I will drag my butt there no matter how sick/tired/PMS-y I am :) I'm frugal like that :)

Oh hey!! Speaking of frugal!! I got a pair of red sneakers at Le Chateau last week (kinda have a converse shoe like look..does that make sense?) Regular price $39.99 (What? Are they on crack!?) I got them for $9.99!! Woohoo!! And I have this totally comfy, totally cute, will wear it and feel special till I die red dress that I'm totally going to wear them with :) And I got a shirt for $4.99..now, I have NO idea when or where I'll wear it..it's WAY sexier than I EVER wear. But it's a brilliant shade of blue (my fav), and a halter top with an empire waist that ties as well (read: I can tie the girls up tight, and they won't do that thing that a mother of 3's girls tend to do LOL) with a flowy front (read: to cover the tummy that only a mother of 3 can hope to hide) But seriously!! for less than $5!! bring it on!!

Okay, so, look at me, rambling on after saying I have nothing to ramble about! Think I'll go hit the post button and vege for awhile.

I hope you're doing okay..wherever you are..whatever you're up to..thanks for stopping by!!

Lisa

Ch Ch Ch Changes!!

So...Hi. It's me. Remember me?? Been awhile. Loooots of changes happened while I was out. I was diagnosed with depression, Al and I have had our ups, and Way downs, but the biggest being that Henry moved, I started working with a new family, they turned out to be a bunch of crazies, and so I quit my job!! Now, it's not really as cut and dried as that. But that's the short version. You can skip ahead if that's all you're interested. if not...

So, I worked with L from January to mid-March. His Mom was Crazy!! I couldn't work if I was sick, my kids were sick, anyone in my neighbourhood was sick, or hadn't washed my hands in the past 5 seconds. OKay...so maybe that's kinda pushing it...but not far, trust me! I wasn't getting enough hours to survive. Seriously, I made $950 in January, and my bills equalled $960 with gas and daycare!! I was stressed to the max, and as much as I was falling in love with L...I needed to get out of there.

I had shared my frustrations with my daycare provider. She told me I should try daycare!! I had thought about it, but didn't really know where to start, or if I would like it. Well!! 2 weeks later she called me and said she needed to take a stress-related leave of absence, and would I take over her daycare kids for awhile!? OMG!! I jumped on it. I quit with L on Thursday, and started Daycare in my home on Friday!! Insane!!

So, that's what I've been doing for the past month and a half. I'm really liking it. I see sooo many positive changes in Mason!! I'm not getting more housework done like I thought I would, but I'm playing more, and laughing more, and relaxing more :)

I'm not sure what';s going on with my daycare provider. No one does., Even the Mom's who have asked her don't get a straight answer on if she's coming back to daycare or not. And as far as I know...at least 2 of the Mom's are leaning towards keeping me. (Yay!) I have a 1 year old starting in September, who lives 2 doors down the street! And one of my Mom's has given my number to a friend of hers! So, even if I lose kids back to Laura...I'm gonna be okay. :)

Al and I are working through our troubles. And I think we're making ground. We still have a long way to go. I start counselling in a couple weeks, and I think Al will as well shortly after. I'm happy with that.

Jenna is doing great in school. She's not doing great with Going to school though!! Since I'm home now, she really wants to stay home with me too. So, we've had a few mornings where she's faked sick, and then I sent her to school at the last minute with a neighbour. We promised to get her ears peirced at the end of the year if this nonsense stops...so hopefully we're onto something there.

Aidan is tettering between angel and devil. There are times I want to pull out my hair because he's just being so awful...and times when I couldn't be any more proud of how awesome he is! He's soo smart! Reading already, and he's only 4!! Way ahead of Jenna in that respect. I talked to his teacher the other day about his behaviour at school, and asked if she thought it could be because he's bored, she said no, so hopefully I can take her word for it, and it's just a stage he's going through there.

Mason is still my quirky one. Still doesn't eat much variety, still has many speech delays (And his awful mother still hasn't sent in the forms to have his assessment done! UGH!!) We found out a little while ago that he has some hearing loss. So that was kinda shocking. We have an appointment with an ENT in June to see about fluid in his ears, and possibly getting tubes for him. But that's still such a long way off. Good news is that he's finally sleeping through the night!!! He's still an early riser, but at least it's not 1AM kinda early anymore :)

Al is training to enter a body building competition in October!! I am so insanely proud of him for that!! He's lost sooo much weight!! I see the muscle coming through more every week. He's wanted to do this since high school...so I'm glad he's really taking all the right steps towards this goal :) He really needs a sponsor though...so if you know of any rich uncles out there :)

So yeah, I guess that's about it. I've missed blogging lately. And all my lovely friends in the blogging world. I've been reading though!! And I'm sure the comments will be flowing soon :)

Lisa

Just not into it right now.

There's so much going on right now. But I just can't blog about it all. I'm fine, the family is fine...but I just thought I'd drop a line on my blog to let you all know that I'm probably not going to blog anymore. Cripes...it's been nearly a month since my last entry anyway!!

Love and Hugs to all. I'll see you around :)

Lisa

The one in which Lisa uses a whole lot of potty mouth

The Shiite has hit the Muslim....no? offensive? sorry...that seems to be my game today :) I'll just give it to you straight...The SHIT has hit the Fan!
I'm at my Mom's, who is away camping for the weekend, and asked me to help out by watching my nephew, and checking in on my Grandma, who had surgery last Tuesday, and is still in the hospital. Here's how it's gone so far...
So, last night(Friday) went fairly okay with Damion. Brian didn't cook the pizza like he was supposed to for dinner, but I got here a little earlier than I thought I would, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt on that one...and cooked them. And I fed all 4 kids, played with them, did the dishes, gave all 4 a bath, cleaned up the flooded bathroom(Mason) and then got them all a snack. Damion was WAY over tired, and started being pretty aggressive, so I whisked him off, and put him to bed. He went down NO problem, it was lovely. So then I get my three settled, cleaned up the flooded kitchen(Mason) and got everyone to bed. By the time Jenna finally fell asleep, it was almost 10!! (She's not a fan of sleeping anywhere but her own bed). HOWEVER! My Mom had mentioned that Damion had a rash under his arms, and asked that I put cream on it. NO probelm..except that it's Fucking RINGWORM!!! Seriously!! So, I called Telehealth to see how contagious it is, and how to treat it. Only skin to skin contact spreads it, he probably caught it from one of their NASTY cats, and it's treated with anti-fungal cream, not a huge deal. But still!!! Gross! Poor kid :( So anyway, I settled down to watch Moulin Rouge (Never seen it) and Brian and Philicia come home. So, I talk to them, let them know how the night went, that their son probably has ringworm, and that was that. I fell asleep about 10 minutes later, and Still haven't seen Moulin Rouge!
Onto today(Saturday), It was Brian's job to make breakfast. Wonderful. Except that we didn't sit down to eat until almost 9, and my kids had been up since 6:30. Oh well...I can give him the benefit of the doubt again...he did cook Bacon AND eggs (which he cooked in the bacon grease, and I nearly barfed up). So, off they went to Orangeville, to do some errands, and the kids(only my 3, they took D with) and I had a GREAT time playing in the gazillions of leaves my Mom has in her yard :) I started feeling a little hungry, and decided to come in to look at the clock. It was almost 12. Philicia was supposed to be on Lunch duty today. And Brian assured me they would be home in time to get lunch over with so that I could get out of here to have a good visit with my grandma. Right. I cooked the macaroni, and made Mason a sandwhich(he won't eat pasta). But, by the time I do all that, Mason's too tired to eat. They FINALLY pulled in at 12:45!!! And D was asleep in the car. So, I go lay Mason down for his nap, and wrapped up his sandwhich. I said to Brian "Mason was too tired to eat this, can you Please make sure he gets it when he wakes up??" "Sure, no problem" he says. B & P had gone and gotten a whole bunch of cool craft things to do with J & A while I was gone, so kudos to them for that. I snuck out of here at about 1:15. I had a really good visit with my Grandma...who is doing well...but I wish was doing better! Whole other story...The visit went longer than I intended, so I totally Busted my Ass getting back here, because I was supposed to make dinner for everyone tonight. I made it back here in about an hour...from the hospital in Brampton. I don't think I was exactly obeying the law really...oops! But, I had an obligation, and met that obligation. B tried to tell me, as I was just starting dinner, that they had to be at work for 5. I reminded him that he had told me 6. He glanced at Philicia and said "Oh, right, I guess we can stay." Asshole. But, they went outside and played with the kids while I cooked. Wonderful.
Until I opened the fridge. And there was Mason's sandwich, exactly as I had left it. So, I continue to go about what I was doing, until Brian came in. I asked what time Mason woke up from his nap. He said around 2. hmm...(That only gave Mason an hour's nap...and only gave Brian an hour to FORGET TO GIVE MY SON HIS LUNCH!!) I'd figured that if Mason had had a long nap, they had maybe just given him a snack when he woke up, because of it being close to dinner...but no. So, I looked my brother in the eye and said "So, did Mason not want that sandwich, or did you forget to give it to him". The fucker smiled at me, and said "oh! I never even thought about it" WHAT!? I looked at him and said "You know what? It is Not Cool when my kids don't get lunch. Not Cool, and that's all I'm going to say." And I turned around to finish making dinner. He stormed off. Threw $15 on the table, and said "there, that's the 5 you gave me for the dollar store, and the 10 I owe you for watching Damion" (Background, he told me yesterday that he was giving $20 for watching him this weekend). I told him I didn't need his money, took my 5 and left the 10 there. By this time I've got dinner on the table for everyone.(Except B & P, who said they were eating at the pizza shop) Next thing I know, he's covering Damion's plate with Saran wrap!! I asked what he was doing, and he said he was taking D with them to work. WHAT!? I told him he was being ridiculous, and went to call the kids in for dinner. But no, he was serious. He shouted to P to get Damion in the car. Oh. My. GOD. I LOST IT!
I got right in his face, and at the top of my lungs told him that he was a lazy ASS! that he hadn't done a SINGLE thing that he was supposed to this weekend. That I was sooo pissed off that they hadn't washed a single dish from lunch(I didn't wash them on purpose...wanted to see if they would step up), hadn't cleaned up a single thing, forgot to give my son a fucking Sandwich!! I seriously lost it on him. He tried to tell me he didn't have time, so I not so politely informed him of everything I had accomplished ON MY OWN the night before. There were TWO of them here!! Surely to god they can wash a dish! arg. So then he tried to walk past me, but I stepped in front of him. At which point he grabbed me by the arms, and tried to push me out of the way. So I pushed back. I swear to god, I thought he was going to hit me right then. And I would have killed him. But, he didn't, just told me that I was in HIS house, and I'd better respect him! (FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!) I got in his face again and kindly informed him that I was in my MOTHER'S home, and I was giving it a HELL of a lot more respect than he EVER had. At which point he stormed out. Taking Damion with him.
Can you believe him!? Can you seriously fucking believe the nerve of him!? I busted my ASS to help them out. I refused to take their money for it. And yet it's ME that's the bad guy. ME!
So, I unfortunately had to call my Mom...her vacation is sooo ruined I'm sure. But, I guess she got B calmed down, because he finally came back with Damion at 9:10, and put him to bed. Didn't say a single word to me, which is fine, because I would have left if he'd started anything else.
It's going to be a very long time before I have anything to say to my brother. I will give my nephew all the love that little boy deserves, but I will not give my brother the satisfaction of thinking that he has won this war. No sir. Although...I don't really know where to go from here with this...I'm lost that way...
I've got everything packed, and I'll be leaving here tomorrow morning as soon as I get get the kids butts in gear...which I'm sure will certainly not be fast enough for me :P
I'm just in shock...which is stupid, because if you knew my brother, and the life he gets to lead, and how seriously fucked up he is...you'd probably say it's been a long time coming. BUt I still can't believe I had the nerve. Finally!!

(And, can I also say, that in the 4 hours I was gone, they did NOT give my kids a snack...which I am going to assume also means that Damion hasn't eatten since breakfast either. Fuckers.)

~Lisa~

The one in which Lisa calms the heck down!!

I'm cool guys :)



Al finally got a clue, and has kicked in full gear to help me with Mason. He's putting him to bed at night, and not letting him out of his room again until Morning...just as it should have been all this time!! He's even gotten out of bed at night when Mason gets up!! Amazing :)



Nap time in the afternoon is really hard for me...but I know it will get easier. I've asked my babysitter to keep him up in the morning, since she was letting him fall asleep whenever he felt like it(not cool...I prefer a schedule for my kids) So, now I get him home by 1 and get him to bed asap. yesterday was brutal. He cried and screamed and kicked the door and knocked on the door with his sweet little fist (hear that? yeah, it was my heart breaking)...and eventually I caved and sat in the rocking chair beside his bed for about 2 minutes, when he finally fell asleep. It took about 45 minutes though :( I'm sooo glad my tenant was home, because he was able to stay here while I went to get the kids from school. Today was better. He only tried to leave his room once...but unfortunately, he pooped, so I had to go in to change him. I sat in the chair again for a minute and he fell asleep right away. My friend was here to stay with him while I went to the school today...I don't know what I'll do tomorrow...I HATE to wake him up, since it seems like Helen (Bless you, I love you) was right, and he Does need More sleep. I guess on the days I have to wake him up to do the school run I'll put him to bed earlier. Hopefully that works.



I've also been better about his bedtime snacks Jennifer!! I don't usually give too many sweets...but he's sooooo picky!!!! It's frustrating!! Luckily, his favourite is popcorn, and that seems to work the best for a bedtime snack. Me and Orville are likethis :)



I'm feeling so much better with the sleep I'm getting. Apparently, I didn't need to clean my glasses to get the fog to clear from my vision, I just needed to sleep!!!!



I'm also FINALLY doing something for ME. I'm walking. Like a maniac :) I'm borrowing my neighbours dog a few nights a week and walking him all around Barrie. I power walked about 5Km last night!!! And I mean, I really booted it for almost the entire time!! It took me 45 minutes...but I felt Great when I was done!! Poor dog though...I wonder if I'll have to carry him home some nights :) He's not used to all this exercise either :) But he did better last night. I'm not far from my goal weight, but unfortunately, after 3 c-sections, and 2 breastfed babies...I am in need of some Serious toning!! So I'm hoping that the walking will do that for me :) Plus it's really nice to get out alone, be with my thoughts for awhile, work out some frustrations :) I really needed this :)

So, I haven't lost my mind. Thankfully, because I'm kinda partial to it :)

Thanks for your Support!!!! Big Hugs!!
~Lisa~

The one in which Lisa looses her damn mind.

So, see that wee little time stamp down there? the one that starts with a 5, and ends with AM?? Right. That's because I'm writing this in the middle of the damn night!! With half the damn light in the house on, and Dora playing on the TV. WHY? you ask!? That's crazy talk you say!? Why yes, yes it is. But I am at the end of my damn wits. That's all there is to it. I've been up since 3 with Mason. Again.

Sunday night, I had the flu. Up half the night praying to the porcelain gods to take me away. Monday night, Mason gets the flu, up half the night trying to soothe his fever and tummy. Tuesday night, Mason has a night terror, up half the night trying to get him back to sleep. Wednesday night Mason has nightmares half the damn night, up trying to soothe him back to sleep. Thursday night, Mason just doesn't FEEL like fucking sleeping anymore, and would far rather drive me batshit crazy. Every night he wakes up, and begs for a drink...and so ask me, how many juice cups I can find now!? OH! That's right. ZERO! None. Not one. The closest I can find is a rubbermaid juice box...those are Not spill proof. I'm sitting in apple juice. I can't even find a damn cup!!! And my damn house is pretty damn clean!!

Mason is 2 years and 36 days old today. Which equals about 766 days. And do you know how many of those 766 Nights I have slept through??? About 14. Yeah...2 fucking weeks out of 2 fucking years.

i don't know what else to try. He has a regular bedtime routine, at roughly the same time each night. He gets a snack and a drink before bed. He still can't make it through the day without a nap...but I'm wondering if I should try keeping him awake all day??? I tried to give him a Melatonin when he woke up at 11:30 tonight(The first time he woke up.) He would have NO part of it. And I'm quite sure that if I try to hide it in something like a spoonful of peanut butter, that he'll just spit it out. If I let him just cry it out(which he wouldn't, he'd Scream bloody murder) he'll make himself sick...trust me, I've tried. I think I'll go to the health food store tonight to see about getting liquid Melatonin. I can just add that to his juice if I ever find his damn cups again.

hmm...I completely caved and gave him some Gravol about 30 minutes ago...and he seems to be drifting off...but now it's almost 5AM, and Al's going to be up any minute, stomping around the kitchen. So, while Mason may be able to sleep through that with the help of the Gravol...I'm stuck watching Dora, listening to Al swear at the things he drops, and throw things into his cooler for his lunch.

I don't know. I just don't know what to think or where to go from here. Mason's such a Mommy's boy...I'm afraid to take him to someone else's house for a weekend and say here...you do it for a couple nights while I get my shit together. Because that hardly seems fair. He just screams even louder if Al tries to do anything for him...because for 2 years it has Always been me to get up with him. But if I don't find an answer soon, I'm not going to be able to function at a level I need to. Especially at work, where I kinda of need to keep my shit together in order to prevent H from getting ahead of the game with me.

Okay, I'm starting to get a headache. because why wouldn't I right?! top it all off like a cherry and whipcream. I guess I'd better take off these whiney pants and get on with the day. I'd like to say sorry for the whining, but hey, my blog, my right to whine if I want to.

lisa

20 Answers...

Not that you've asked the questions...but here are the answers anyway!! :)

1. I have sensory issues with Cotton. As in cotton balls. If there's cotton in a bottle of pills...I can NOT touch it. I've even had to get pharmacists to pull it out for me. I get severe tremors in my fingers and arms if I touch it. Even thinking about it gives me the shakes. yuck.

2. I'm slightly allergic to the adhesive in band aids. It leaves big red patches on my skin.

3. I can not tolerate adult cough medicine, it turns my stomach. The only kind I can have without feeling ill is children's Triaminic. I usually just suffer through my coughs though.

4. My 2 biggest nervous habits are tucking my hair behind my ears, and I unconsciously pick at the skin along the side of my thumbs. If my thumbs are red and raw...it's been a bad day :)

5. I can NOT stand being able to hear people chew.

6. If I'm not talking to you, but am cleaning...I am REALLY angry with you for something...buy flowers.

7. My shoe size ranges from 8-9

8. I cry when I read sad books, and when I watch sad movies...also during some commercials :)

9. I usually wander while I talk on the phone. Try to stay out of my way.

10. I play my music too loud sometimes...especially when I'm in the van, or cleaning.

11. I like my coffee really hot, with 2 sweeteners and cream. If there's no cream, I'll take it with just the sweeteners. (Splenda please)

12. Once I have the kids in bed, I need a good 20-30 minutes to unwind...feel free to bring me tea...and snacks :)

13. I have no trouble eating an entire bag of baby carrots, fresh green beans, Sour cream and onion chips, or microwave popcorn. (But never at the same time LOL)

14. I'm not big on candy.

15. I prefer Table Syrup to Maple Syrup. I'll eat my pancakes with just butter on them if there's only Maple Syrup.

16. I hate shopping for myself, and am Always second guessing what I've bought.

17. I talk to my Mom on the phone almost once a day. If I haven't talked to her in a couple days, I get grouchy :) Conversations are hardly ever less than an hour.

18. I'd really love to own a Pontiac Solstice someday.

19. I don't know how to whistle.

20. I am very sad that I don't own any Tracy Chapman CD's. Also, Jann Arden, the latest Norah Jones("Not Too Late"), and also Metallica.

~Lisa~

Boring.

I'm soooo boring!!!! I swear, I don't know why I can't get on here more often!! Things have happened that are totally blog worthy! Aidan started school on Tuesday!! JK :) he's sooo excited about it. Except for one thing...he was Very upset on the first day when he found out he had to leave his new shoes at school!! LOL...he cried all the way home over that!

Jenna seems to be doing well in grade 1. I haven't really had any chance to talk to her teacher at all, so I guess I'll go with no news is good news. She's happy with her classmates, in with lots of friends from previous years :)

Work is going okay. H is being a bit of a brat...but I honestly Don't think it's the Autism. I think it's the fact that he's almost 7, he's an only child, and he's a boy!! I was nearly pulling my hair out for a couple weeks, but he came around a little today and actually PLAYED (A skill he had lost for a few months) so we're all really happy about that :)

Al's doing good. going to the gym 3 nights a week, and working as hard as ever. He's working weekends now too, hoping to make enough extra to do some additional reno's around the house. I'm sure the renos will be nice, but being a single parent again isn't so much fun at times. But, it's not permanent. :)

I'm doing okay as well. In a bit of a funk. Tired of being broke. Tired of being tired. Tired of waiting for my turn to be here. You know how it goes :) But I'm sure that in time everything will fall into place, and I'll get my chance to shine :)

Hope Y'all are doing well!!

JULIE BO BOLIE!!

I saw these and IMMEDIAELY thought of YOU!!!!!! LMAO!!!

http://www.shoesonashoestring.com/ProductPage.aspx?Style=MAMMOTH.CRO&colorcode=KHAKI%20OATMEAL&dept=FOOTWEAR&brand=CROCS&isFromCart=False&couponcode=PPCCROCS&gclid=CPb-26HPr44CFVB1OAod0lOzaA

You love me, go ahead, you can say it :)

Lisa

On the upside!

I'm so happy to report that Mason is finally starting to be a better boy to be around :) His constant crying seems to have decreased, his vocabulary seems to be growing every day (Finally!!), and he's just happier in general! He's fallen in love with Dora. Which pleases me to no end because it's given me a barganing tool!! Do this, and you can watch Dora! Stop crying and you can watch Dora! It's lovely!

Jenna started grade one yesterday!! I can't believe it!! This is it...when the kids start getting cool, or not cool. When the attitudes from their friends really come shining through (For instance, one of the first things Jenna said this morning? "It's really freakin' raining out there!" WHAT!?! oh no no no my love!! She was sooo nervous about starting grade one!! For DAYS she talked about how nervous she was, and nothing I said could soothe those nerves :( But!! She's in a class with the best grade 1 teacher in our school, she's with her best girlfriend, and the boy she's been in love with since she was 1 :) So I'm really hoping for a good year for her :) Fingers crossed. What I'm not looking forward to is that the routine is Every day now!! I've had it easy for the past two years...going every other day! not anymore!!

And to add to that excitement!! Aidan starts Junior Kindergarten this year!! I am SO excited for him. He's been ready to go to school since last year! It's strange, I was really nervous about Jenna going to school when she started. But not Aidan! I think because he's so outgoing, and so confident. He's far more advanced than Jenna was when she started; I think we were happy that she knew how to print her name...Aidan can do that, plus mosst of the alphabet, plus he knows all his letters by sight, and he knows all their sounds fairly well (Thank you LeapFrog Letter Factory video!)...Jenna was sooo not there by JK! I'm also excited for him to talk someone else's ear off all day long :) That boy always has something to say about everything!! And if he doesn't know...he'll make it up :) Yesterday, we were walking to get Jenna from school, and he was telling me all about how he has the best teacher in the world, and that she's lucky because he's in her class and he's such a funny boy. and he just went on and on about how great she was.....problem is....he's NEVER met her!! LOL We go tomorrow to meet her, and see his classroom, and then he starts next Tuesday. I'm so happy :)

So, that's the kid update for ya! Off to work I go now :) have a great one!
Lisa

Timmins trip journal. Reealllllly long and boring! LOL

August 25
We made it to Timmins safe and sound. Well, safe anyway J The trip started well, we got out of the driveway about 5 minutes behind schedule, I only forgot my shoes and a coat for Aidan so far (I meant to go back to the closet for them). I managed to catch about an hour or so of sleep on the way to North Bay, which was Much needed, since I’ve been up since 1:30AM with Mason L Who, of course, got the luxury of falling asleep again at the precise minute I needed to start getting ready to pack up and go. So I got showered, gathered the few last minute things together, we got the kids in the van and were off.

Made it to North Bay in really good time, stopped for breakfast and coffee (Thank God) and then headed out again. Unfortunately, the second leg of the journey wasn’t quite as smooth as the first. About 40 minutes outside of North Bay, Al got a speeding ticket. Thankfully the cop was kind, and gave him a reduced fine, so it’s not a bad ticket…but still! And then, 15 minutes after that, Mason started crying, and we couldn’t please him no matter what we offered! And then he barfed. UGH!!! So, we had to stop again to get him cleaned up and changed. I thought there was something wrong when I picked him up to get him into the van. He was sweating sooo much L I had hoped that it was just because I had dressed him warmly anticipating the cool morning…but I guess not. My poor boy L. Once we got some Gravol into him he was sleeping peacefully within about 20 minutes, and slept until we got into Timmins.

Jenna, Aidan, Al and I spent most of the rest of the trip watching/listening to the Cars DVD. I love that movie J! And then Al and I took turns picking CD’s J I’m proud to say I know almost all the words to my Norah Jones CD! LOL I’m so in love with her. I totally wish I knew her in real life so that she could sing at my wedding. LOL…whatever J Jenna and Aidan know far too many words from our Mika CD LOL! Their favourite is the Lollypop song. Mine is Big Girls. Fun stuff on that one.

So we get to Timmins. Al checked the trip timer on the display, it took 6 hours and 45 minutes! Awesome time! Considering the two unplanned stops, and me nagging Al to slow down after he got the ticket! We stopped at Al’s Mom’s first. Mason was just brutal there L I couldn’t put him down, he fell off his chair at lunch, constant crying/screaming. There’s a lot of stuff in her house…and I think it was just over-whelming for him…plus he’s not feeling well of course. I guess I finally gave Al the piercing eyes, “we need to get out of here before I lose it” look enough times that we finally headed over to his sister’s house. Mason did Much better there!! It’s definitely more kid friendly. Plus, Joseph (Al’s nephew) wasn’t there…I don’t know why, but Mason just really doesn’t like Joe L Joe’s 11, and of course, doesn’t understand…I feel bad for both of them L

So, now we’re at Noreen’s boyfriends for a BBQ/birthday celebration for Al’s Mom. Which is a bit hurtful, since Mason’s birthday is a day before my MIL’s, and no one has acknowledged that L That’s what this family is like though, so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Mason and I are sitting in the van watching Dora. Because it’s 8:30, and he’s too damn tired to be a cute 2 year old any longer. Dinner was just served about an hour ago. Which I gratefully got to eat…but now Mason and I are out here, and No one invited us in to blow out candles for a combined birthday, I’m pretty much ready to go home. I don’t know, I’m probably just crabby because I’m so tired. And it’s hard on me since Mason is such a mommy’s boy. He won’t go to anyone else. Even Al at times. It sucks a bit. But, we’re here for Al’s family, and it’s more important for him to spend time with them than it is for me to whine about anything.

So anyway, that’s where we’re at so far in our journey to the (not so) great north. I’m writing this in Word, since there’s no wireless connection out here in the boonies. Hopefully I’ll be able to get on when we’re back in the city. I’m feeling very disconnected out here

August 27
Still in Timmins. Ready to go home and get back to normal…but we’re having a better time than the first day we were here! I’d like to personally thank the creators of Dora the Explorer! She’s saved us many tantrums from Mason!! I wish I knew why he was so sensitive to everything. I have high hopes for two! He’ll be talking and communicating so much better, he’ll be toilet trained (He actually peed on the toilet this morning! Yay! Progress!) And if there’s any sort of a higher being, he won’t cry all the damn time!! Hey, a girl can hope!

I went to bed early last night. Tried to read, but I couldn’t focus on the words…so gave up and chose to dream instead J I didn’t move all night…which actually kinda sucked, because the bed we’re sleeping on is hard as a rock, so when I woke up, the muscles on the right side of my body were screaming! I am sooo looking forward to sleeping in my own bed again!

Not much planned for today. Noreen has an insurance adjuster coming over this afternoon to go over everything from the accident, so we’ll probably take the kids to the park for awhile, and then back to Al’s Mom’s so Mason can sleep. I think the best part of the day is going to be tonight…it’s tradition now, on the night before we head home from Timmins, we get the BEST poutine on the PLANET! So, if you’re ever in Timmins (HA!) check out Chez Nous on McLean. Get a Large (if you dare, I can’t finish it though!) Quebec, Double Cheese. Oh. My. God. A whole lot of heaven in that heart attack filled Styrofoam bowl!! Yum!

I was a good girl. Only got the small Poutine J It was the perfect amount. We watched Wimbledon, it’s a cute little chick flick, highly predictable, but sweet, non the less J

August 28
We’re on our way home. We left Noreen’s at 9:25…baring any major catastrophes, we should get home at about 4. Mason’s had his dose of Gravol and is sleeping, Jenna and Aidan are watching Cars; all is quiet on the western front! I wish we could have left earlier, it’s nice to spend the first couple hours sleeping…which I don’t usually do when we’ve left later like this L But, Al, understandably wanted to be able to say goodbye to everyone…something we can’t really do at 4AM.

Al’s Mom has promised to visit more…we’ll see. We hear that every time we come up to visit. She’s a really sweet woman, and I know she means well…but I don’t usually hold my breath hoping they’ll come visit. They’ve only been our way less than a handful of times in 7 years. And once was for a funeral. Oh well. We’ll just have to try to make the most of the visits we do get.

We've made it home, safe and sound. I got to drive halfway home. No speeding tickets, no barfing. It was a good trip LOL. As soon as I can find the camera in our jumble of luggage I'll try to get some pics up!!

I'm happy to be home.

Lisa

Why blog when facebook is so handy!? and other stuff.

I think I have a new internet love. In fact, I know I do. Hi. My name is Lisa. I'm addicted to Facebook. I check it about a gazillion and one times a day. ***Collectively now...Hi Liiisaaaa***

I've found so many old friends on there!! Even friends from public school! it's so cool to see who has changed, and who has stayed the same. Who had kids that I never expected to, who married who. It's fun. Even my husband and I communicate through it! LOL...he leaves me little messages in the morning before work. I respond...and it's nice to use when one is annoyed at the other.

Plus! Let's not forget SCRABULOUS!! Which has been down for a couple days and ACK! The Withdrawl!!

On to other news...I'm starting to feel more human. I went to the clinic on Tuesday evening. I have Acute Acidosis. So, while it feels like I'm dying, I'm actually not. I'm taking Prevacid...but I hope I don't have to for much longer. Ever since I started taking it I've been having the weirdest dreams. It's also making my head feel a bit fuzzy, so that I'm feeling a bit disoriented at times, and my poor ticker is palpatating at a vicious speed today. So, I think I'll take it back to one a day and see what happens from there.

I'm REALLY annoyed with my bank. We have a loan that we took out to pay off the older van, and Al's student loans...at a lower rate. It was coming out on the 14th, but I asked it to be changed to the 28th because that's the day after I get paid and it's easier that way. So, on Tuesday I planned on visiting my best friend and her twins for the day. I stopped off to get gas on the way...Imagine my surprise when my card was declined!! Funds not Available it said! WHAT!! I KNEW there was money in there. Very confused. So, I pay from a different account and went on my way. Down the road a bit it occurred to me what could have happened. the loan came out. And now I'm in a very big negative. NOT COOL! I emailed the woman who was supposed to change the dates, and didn't get an answer back. So, I finally called at 4:20, and got a bit of run around, couldn't talk to my normal person, but was assured this would be taken care of. Finally Did get to talk to C, and she doesn't understand why the date wasn't changed. I personally have a feeling she never filed the request :( So, now I'm stuck waiting to see if they are going to give my money back and then take it again on the 28th like they were supposed to! Buggers!!

Mason's party is on Saturday. Can y'all believe he's going to be 2?! I'm doing a construction theme. Should be fun :) he's SO into big trucks. Whenever he sees a crane, or dozer, or even a larger pickup truck he says "ohhhh! Be tuh!!!" Translation: "ohhh! Big Truck!!!" It's cute :) So, that's what I'm up to the next couple days. I'll post pics...if we take any! LOL...we're bad for not taking pics of the parties...and my Mom is bad for not emailing me the ones she takes!! Vicious Circle :)

Better run. Hope you're all doing well :)

So, I guess it's about time I updated huh??

Where to start?! uhhhhh......

Well, Al went back for his post-op appointment last week. The right side looks really good. Unfortunately, the left side "Has the most impressive scar tissue" the doctor has ever seen! So, because the scar tissue is partially blocking the sinuses on that side, he has to go back in October to have it taken out. Either by having it cotterized or with a chemical peel. Either way? GROSS!!

I did contact my ex. Let him know who I was (like I suspected, he knew it was me). Things are actually going pretty good. We email every day. Keep things fairly light, and we seem to be okay! Even his wife and I are emailing back and forth :) She's a really nice girl. I still haven't decided about the Buck and Doe we were invited to. Al is really leary of S. Also a bit jealous...and I don't want to make Al uncomfortable all night...but then, the other side of me says what's the point of contacting S if I still can't be in the same room as him. Still frustrated I guess. My loyalty is to my husband OF COURSE...it's just hard to put him into a situation that I'd like to be in and he wouldn't. I feel a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place.

So, have any of you ever had an ulcer? or a hernia? I've got this pain, at the bottom of my ribcage, centred, and it feels kinda like someone stuck a lump of hot coal in there. Yesterday was pretty bad, the pain was constant unless I was laying down, and then when I got up, I would belch like a man! (sorry!). It seems better today. When I woke up this morning, I felt like I had been kicked in that spot, and it left a bruise, but then once I ate lunch (Mac N cheese) it came back a bit. I haven't had any caffiene today. Not even the tea I was tempted to make this morning to replace my usual cup or two of coffee. Only water to drink. no chocolate. But, I seem to burp a lot more after I eat or drink. Sound familiar to anyone!? I think I'll have to make an appointment tomorrow to get checked. ****edited to add...I've had dinner now, octoberfest sausages, noodles, tomato and cucumber salad. And a tea. And I'm back in pain again. This sucks so bad :(

Better go, boys are battling it out :)

~Lisa~

Long or Short? Votes? Ideas? Help?

I'm about 15 pounds lighter now than in the short hair picture, so my face is thinner.

Lisa

I realized today how far I've come....

I weigh myself almost daily. Bad habit, I know, but I don't care :) I weighed myself back in April and I was creeping back up to close to 170 pounds. Not cool. At my heaviest, after having Jenna, I was about 185 pounds. And miserable. I'm only 5'5"...that much weight doesn't sit well on me. But then I got pregnant with Aidan, and lost a lot of weight during my pregnancy. After having him I got down to about 155 pounds. I was okay with that then. After having Mason, last summer I got down even farther, to 146 pounds. I was soo happy!! I don't know what happened though. Because the weight went up and up and up. Until I looked like this.

I cringe every time I look at that. blech. lol :)

So, today, we decided to take the kids to the beach. Now, I'm a regular girl. I hate bathing suits as much as the next girl. But, for the sake of my kids, I tolerate them. I even took the time to pick something out this year that I really like. Al took pictures of us all at the beach today. And I am sooo happy to report that when I look at this:

I don't cringe :) I still have a ways to go. About 10-15 pounds I think. And a whole lot of toning. Which SUCKS, because I loathe exercise :) I think I might look into something fun like Badminton...where it won't FEEL like exercise, but will be :) We'll see :) For now, I think I'll spend some time enjoying the fact that I am not cringing.

ETA!! I went to Old Navy this afternoon to return a dress I'd bought that was (!) too big. I couldn't find any other dresses I liked as much, but then, when I went into the jeans area...OMG! I found a pair that I LOVE and they are size SIX!! Ladies...after I had Jenna, I was teetering on the edge of 14...almost a sixTEEN! I am soooo happy :)

~Lisa~

Kid Pics!!!

I hate waiting!!!

I have very limited patience for some things. Waiting, and being late are VERY high on my list. I hate the feeling of being late. Of being off schedule. Of thinking that someone out there is waiting on me to arrive, and I'm about to make them wait longer than necessary! Hate it. I also hate to wait. I hate to wait for people to arrive. I've grown over the years to realize which of my friends are notoriously late, and have adjusted to that.

I hate waiting for other things too. Like my turn in the drive-thru. And a phone call. And payday, I especially hate waiting for that. I hate waiting for emails to come. I hate waiting for my kids to get their shoes on. I hate waiting around while someone else is getting ready. I hate waiting for the Friday paper to come (it always has the good flyers). I hate waiting for my favourite shows to come back on after the summer. I hate waiting for my food in restaurants.

Mind you, I am reallllly good at not showing my annoyance, if there is any, at other people who have kept me waiting, or are going to make me late. So, if for some reason, you're ever late...no worries, because I will realize by the time you get to my door that I am glad you are here. That really, you aren't that late at all. I will realize that I appreciate the lateness, because it allowed me to get some extra things done.

But really, I hate to wait. Especially for things that I don't know are actually going to happen.

~Lisa~

Wow, I'm feeling all special and popular like!

So, I was updating my profile this morning, and saw that I've had 637 profile views!! At first, I was like, WOW! I am SO COOL! and then I realized...If I am so cool, why doesn't anyone ever comment?

So, I'd like to know who reads me!!

Lisa

So, I'm kinda confused...

A little background. About 11 years ago, I was in highschool, and I had landed myself a pretty good boyfriend. We dated all throughout high school, and it was pretty certain in everyone's eyes that we were it. High school sweethearts, destined for forever. And that would have been fine. Except that he turned out to be a little bit crazy. As in like stalker boyfriend crazy. And that wasn't so cool. The summer before we went off to college/university, was okay for us. There were a couple big bumps in the road, but we were young, in love, and could handle it right? no. Once I got to my college, about 1o hours away from S, things happened, and I realized that I was feeling very trapped in that relationship. I was trying to fit into a mould he had made for us, and I just didn't fit! I needed to be free. I needed to have some understanding from him. I needed him to not 'check up' on me all the damn time. But I didn't get that. So, I decided enough was enough, and ended it for good. And then it got worse. S became suicidal, and even more persistant, and omg the guilt trips he tried to lay on me...wow. He even got my parents on his side. That was rough. Especially since I was starting a new relationship with the man I eventually married! It seemed to me that no one from back home was on my side, except for a very loose handful of people, and my very best friend (Thank god for her!!). it seemed to me that most people took his side, and that was fine, because he was obviously sick, and needed that support. So, life went on, I made new friends, got married, had kids, saw S occasionally at functions that my best friend hosted, and that was it. We didn't talk. We didn't look the other in the eye, we tried to stay in different rooms. I'm sure because he was still very hurt and probably angry, and I because I didn't want to hurt him even farther.

Fast forward. I found out that he blogs, and his sister gave me his wife's blog address, and I've been lurking ever since. Recently, he posted about how his old friends had hurt him very badly, and it seemed to him that he was on the wrong side of the chosen sides again. I felt so awful for him, that I left an anonymous comment saying that I knew how he was feeling, and that he wasn't alone. A few more comments between he and I went back and forth, always anonymously on my part. I *Think* he knows who I am, but he won't say so.

I would Love to be able to go to gatherings with old friends and not feel that animosity with him. I'd like to introduce my kids to his and see them play and laugh. I'd like to get past all that heartache. He seems, from his comments, to be willing to do all that, but without knowing if he knows it's me commenting, how do I do that?! He seems to have matured greatly. Which is sooo nice to see.

I don't know. Is it worth it? Will it freak out our mutual friends? is it ever too late? Let me just be clear that I in NO way am romantically interested in him. He was a friend first all those years ago. We had a good thing for awhile, until it soured, and now, I would just like to be in the same room with him without feeling like I am stealing his air. but like I said, I wonder if it's too late.

We were invited to a buck and doe for S's best friend J. A man I once considered a best friend of mine as well. And one who took S's side back then. Who told me that he had no interest in ever talking to me again after what I had done to S. J's fiance is lovely. So sweet to my kids, speaks to me at gatherings, shows a genuine interest...but not J. he never has offered more than the bare minimum to me in 8 years. My best friend sent the invite through facebook...and looking at the guestlist, it looks to me that she invited everyone we went to highschool with...so my name would naturally be included on that facebook generated highschool list.

Al thinks there's no reason not to go...that we all need to get past this silliness. I just wonder if it's the wrong time and place? But since it's a facebook invitation, my name is going to be attached to the event in one of three places...Attending, Maybe Attending, or Not Attending. And I really don't know where my name belongs :(

Part of me is wishing I had never made that first comment, and had never received that invitation. And the other part is hopeful that this is the beginning of the end of the madness.

~Lisa~