For the past few days I have been feeling...weird. I can't really pin it down with one word. I think I am having panic attacks. I googled it and the list of symptoms fits me...
racing heartbeat -- Check...this is what happens first
difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air' -- Check. I can't seem to take a deep breath.
terror that is almost paralyzing -- More like a fear of mot being able to breath, and not know what is going on
dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea -- Check Check Check. Usually as my heart is returning to a normal speed.
trembling, sweating, shaking -- Check. Mostly the trembling/shaking
choking, chest pains -- Check to the chest pain.
hot flashes, or sudden chills -- none of this
tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles') -- Checkish...it's more of a cold feeling on my wrists/lower arms.
fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die -- Check. The fear of dying a little...I always seem to get the thought that I am having some kind of heart attack.
And after all that I am left with a big headache, and a complete lack of desire to do anything. I feel kinda stoned. I wander around. I sit. I gaze. I feel so strange. It lasts about an hour after the 'attack' and then I am left with a feeling of regret for all that I have said, and not done. As my housework is seriously suffering. I FEEL like I have beeing cleaning and tidying, and keeping up, but when I really look around, the very little I have done is barely noticable.
I've been yelling a lot more than normal. I'm short with everyone. I feel very childish...and whiny.
Blah. I was hoping that writing it out would make me feel better...but it hasn't really. Which makes me even sadder.
I guess a call to my doctor is probably in order. I'm not sure how to do that though. I always take such pride in being a Mother of three, and keeping it all together so well. I'm not afraid to take all three out on my own. I can shop, and walk and get all three dressed in the morning, and it's all fine and dandy. Everyone always comments on how I have my hands full, and I always reply that it's really not that bad most days. I've even told people it's EASIER than having two. and it really is...
I just don't want to seem like I can't do this. because I totally can. And I totally AM!
It's just that these attacks are really starting to throw me for a loop...and I don't like it so much.
~Lisa~
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Feeling not quite myself
Posted by MamaTink at 5:33 p.m.
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6 comments:
Hugs sweetheart!
I so wish that I could offer some advice, but I am so in the same shoes.
I've totally noticed that I"m yelling SO MUCH MORE lately. I'm like "THey listen less. What's up?!" Then it hit me. Yelling has started becoming normal, so in order for me to get their attention, I have to yell louder. It's a horrible cycle, and I"m so sorry.
I hope that you do call in to the Dr.
I need to, but I know I won't.
-Jes
Wow Lisa! I've been there and done that a few times. Had those same exact feelings. Could be Al's new job you are stressing about. We women take on a lot of stress. And you've been worried about Al as well.
A check up might make you feel better. Perhaps just talking it out with a doctor?
I started working out and it helped me a lot! That is one reason I'm trying to get back to it now. :) Darn virus!
Take care Sweetie :)
When Chloe was born I was amazed at how well I handled going from 1 to 2 kids. What was the big deal I wondered? Sure, ok, Sarah had a little less of my attention, but my house was cleaner than ever, my husband was thrilled and I had our social calendars planned months in advance.
I felt amazing pride that I was able to transition so well and a sense of (I admit) superiority at my amazing mommyness. That is until Chloe was about 5 months and it all started to fall apart.
Things came to a head the night I tried to get the girls's Xmas photos taken. Together. At Wal-Mart. During the Xmas Season. Lets just say things did NOT go well and there was crying, screaming yelling, stomping off and threats made (all on my part).
As luck would have it, I was having wings with Jenn and Rhonda and you that night (don't know if you remember my tear stained swollen face or not). Anyhow, through some act of fate both Jenn and I arrived at Kelsey's early and I confessed my secret guilt -- I wasn't happy. I was regretting ever having had Chloe and there was a part of me, a bigger part than I cared to admit to, that wished we'd never been able to conceive her.
Between breastfeeding, interrupted sleep, holiday stress, her colic and my hormones, the dreaded PPD had struck. I was lucky that talking things out with Jenn that night helped me find perspective and start healing. Just being able to let the secret dark feelings out in the open did wonders. However, if it hadn't, I would have, as Jenn urged me, sought out the help of a doctor.
Post Partum Depression can strike up to a year after your child's birth and it gets stronger and stronger with every subsequent baby. Please, talk to your ob or gp and get checked out. I love you.
Hugs
Sounds like you already got good advice from the other posters, so I won't add anything other than to please see your Dr. - you are worth it!
G/L!
Shauna (murgatr)
dd 11/22/98
dd 6/27/02
Lisa, I had panic attacks for years and they are awful!!! I finally went to a docotr and when I realized I wasn't having a heart attack or something major it made me a little less fearful of them and thus a little easier to deal with. I knew they would pass, I just had to try to keep it together while it was going on. And mine lasted for about an hour too. I was put on Paxil and it was soooo amazing. It's safe while BFing too. E-mail me if you want and maybe I can help a bit more. I got to the point where I couldn't go out of the house. It was bad. BTW, how was AL's first day????? Hope he LOVES it!
Hahahaha! I just noticed that I posted as anonymous above and I told you to e-mail me! Kinda hard to do that if you don't know who I am, huh??? Ugh, not one of my better moments! lol Sorry.
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